Various Health Fears

[pulisa]

I've just read through "that" colonoscopy thread and it's absolute dynamite for you, Mr L which means you'll be avidly monitoring it..Please please please don't? You can't deal with the content. The OP isn't aware of how triggering it is of course...but it is.. and hugely... for you. You're not in the right place to read it yet.

[MrLurcher]

I've just read through "that" colonoscopy thread and it's absolute dynamite for you, Mr L which means you'll be avidly monitoring it..Please please please don't? You can't deal with the content. The OP isn't aware of how triggering it is of course...but it is.. and hugely... for you. You're not in the right place to read it yet.

No, I will try not to. I knew it was dangerous territory, but I just went in anyway hoping I'd read something that would reassure me.

I was feeling a bit calmer yesterday, but now I'm back anxious and convinced there's going to be something wrong. I also read elsewhere that some IBS patients can have slightly higher calprotectin anyway, so that's fuelled my anxiety even more.

I also feel I've jinxed myself that there's going to be something wrong because a lot of my family know about the tests now, and I've been getting messages asking if I'm ok etc. (or maybe their asking if I'm ok from a mental health point of view, I don't know) The build up to the result now feels like it's going to be bad, like how the build up was to my uncle's diagnosis - but he was visually very ill, so I shouldn't compare myself.

That's all 'magical thinking' of course, but that's how my minds currently working.

[pulisa]

"Magical thinking" is just that...Thoughts aren't facts.

Why not stop "reading"? What are you hoping to find? Certainly nothing will reassure you at this stage. I reckon that's just an excuse for continuing to torment yourself?

[NoraB]

I've been getting messages asking if I'm ok etc. (or maybe their asking if I'm ok from a mental health point of view, I don't know) The build up to the result now feels like it's going to be bad, like how the build up was to my uncle's diagnosis - but he was visually very ill, so I shouldn't compare myself.

The reason people are asking you if you're ok (I presume) is because your mum and partner will be telling them what's going on with your mental health. Your HA mind has twisted this to fit with your narrative - which is that you're 'obviously' seriously ill.

You're not your uncle. You're you. His story isn't your story. Have you given any thought as to what he'd think about all this? I believe that the soul carries on so I can see how upset your uncle would be to know that he's the cause of your distress and how your life (and your family's lives) are being affected by these irrational fears. Even if you don't share my beliefs, it's worth considering how your uncle might feel? You know the bloke, we don't. Or consider how you, as a parent, would feel if this was happening to one of your children? Reframe the situation. Look at other sides. Try and consider that this is so much bigger than just you. Your family will be worried sick about you but not for the reason you think. I've been on the other side with a breakdown due to HA. It's an awful thing to go through but it's not exactly fun to witness either..

There are no 'signs' - there is only truth. What is. And, so far, the truth looks remarkably like severe anxiety...

[Carnation]

Why not try reading something non medical related Mr L and give your exhausted mind a break. I know too well the need for absorbing information so you can be your own personal doctor / nurse but when it sends you down a rabbit hole, not good.
Nora, that's a very good point. We are not our mum, dad, auntie, uncle and so on. And that has been said to me many a time by my partner when I have mentionrd my fear of getting parkinsons just like my father. We do tend to relate any slight symptom to a disease or illness our families have suffered or died from. Realistically this is not the case as we are all different, leading totally different lives and all of my relations died from different causes.
We do seem to latch on to this history though and I think that's definitely a worry for you Mr L, or should I say trigger?
Even as Pulisa has already said, a thread on a forum that goes into great detail about a subject that you think you might have yourself becomes a further trigger instead of a reassurance. And personally I think that's what you've been looking for Mr L, reassurance that you definitely have not got what brain thinks you might have, 100%, written in black ink with a checklist so you can hang it on the wall to remind you 24/7 that you are healthy and can get on with living your life.
Although I do know many unhealthy people that are still getting on with living their lives quite happily. And to do that you have to have the right mindset and that's why it is just as important to get help for your thoughts too Mr L. I know broken record, expensive, not much help from the NHS, but if you can find time to absorb looking up info on triggering threads and Google about possible illnesses you can also do that to find ways to calm the mind. It really does help.

[MrLurcher]

Thanks for the replies all, helpful hints.

My partner wants me to ring today to see if my results are back, but I'm scared to death of ringing now.

I don't know about my uncle as he was a fairly quiet bloke, but my dad would be turning in his grave at the thought of all this stuff. What I would give to speak to him right now. They both passed away this time last year (June and July, a month apart), and I feel it's almost fate that I'm going to get something a year to the very month.

[pulisa]

No it's not fate or a "sign". What would your dad say to that comment? I reckon he would say it was BS.

[MrLurcher]

No it's not fate or a "sign". What would your dad say to that comment? I reckon he would say it was BS.

Yes, he wouldn't be very impressed.

I'm going to try and ring in half an hour. Feel sick.

[MrLurcher]

Just rang - IT'S NORMAL!!!!

I hope the receptionist was right. Would she have made a mistake?? Shall I ring and ask to speak to a doc???

I'm not getting my hopes up yet, because I've been offered two jobs accidentally in the past year, so this could be a mistake. I'm used to being messed around.

Am I being ridiculous? I'm still shaking. I don't know if I can believe it without hearing it again.

[BlueIris]

Of course it's bloody normal, stop being a twonk!