Please help - blood test result is bad

[cattia]

Thanks for understanding. Now my youngest daughter has a cold so I don't know if I'll be able to get the bloods done if I catch it. Even more stressed now if that is possible. I don't want to call my Dr back and ask him after yesterday's call made me so much more anxious. I feel so wiped out that I don't even know any more of I'm sick or just stressed out of my mind ��

[cattia]

I've got to go back for my repeat bloods today and I am so scared of the result, I almost feel like not going but I guess I need to find out. I'm worried that it will either be worse or non conclusive which will cause more anxiety which I'm not sure I can take.

[Careful1]

Postive thoughts (((hugs)))

[cattia]

Woken up with a small purple bruise on my armpit in a place I couldn't have banged or knocked, I know these are the exact bruises to look out for with leukaemia so now I am absolutely convinced that I have it and I feel so sick and don't know how to deal with it.

[Carys]

Cattia, a small purple bruise could be from pinching the skin or a tiny burst blood vessel from applying deodorant too hard or washing in the shower or scratching an itch too hard....come on....work on it. Don't you think if you were at the 'leukaemia' point with bruises appearing under your arms that you'd also already be covered with them over your whole body, possibly also a rash ? DOn't you think you'd have other of the leukaemia symptoms (of which there are many and obvious to a doctor) like bleeding gums ?

Bruising in leukaemia has anaemia as part of the issue (other cells push out red blood cells), did your last bloods show anaemia and your doctor mentioned that to you ????

You have to question why on earth one teeny weeny bruise would make you 'absolutely convinced' you have it.

[cattia]

Thanks Carys, the Dr said I don't have anemia. I have read so much over the years about leukemia so I feel that this is the type of bruise that is a red flag. I am still waiting for my results. Never been so anxious and that's saying something. I know I need to get a hold of myself, I just feel out of control right now. I really appreciate your comments. I can't see anything beyond my fear at the moment.

[cattia]

So here I am, back with my tail between my legs to say that you were all right and I was wrong. The bloods have all come back normal. They even did an additional test for lymphoma markers (glad I didn't know that at the time!) and that has come back clear as well.
I am relieved but also really embarrassed for getting in such a state. As a lifetime sufferer of HA this is one of my worst meltdowns, I think having actual evidence that something was not right was maybe what made it so bad. I am seeing my doctor next Friday to talk about my anxiety and hopefully come up with a better plan to manage it. Maybe think about going back on meds for a while, I've been off them for almost 20 years. Thank you for all your support and I am glad that you were all right!

[WiseMonkey]

Glad your results were all normal, nothing you were describing sounded like leukemia. A friends daughter was diagnosed at 18 months and she had huge bruises on her back and very lethargic. She survived the treatment and is alive and well today (29) and has a child of her own

[Carys]

Very glad to hear it Cattia, but of course not surprised lol Keep this thread, read it back if you ever get in that type of state again. Also, very pleased to see that this time you are taking direct action to address your HA problems. You need to really change your thinking and responses to things, but then you know that, and you've had some perfect examples of how to do that on this 'ere thread. If you were to do as I said and HIGHLIGHT ;0) the reasons that we all gave all the way through this thread, it gives examples of how to give logical reasons for things rather than catastrophic reasons. Make this the last time, the culmination of years of being this way, then the embarrasment will have been worth it. lol

[cattia]

Thanks again Carys and thank you for all your patience. I have always felt like CBT would not work for me as I have been this way basically my whole life but over the past few days I have been reading more stuff about cognitive distortion with anxiety disorders and it starts to make more sense to me. One thing I want to do is set establish some clear expectations with my Dr about what tests it is reasonable for me to have and how often. I still think at the root of all this though is my underlying fear of death and my belief that I cannot deal with serious illness. There are people who have to face terminal illness and have to face my worst fears and I can't help thinking that one day I will be one of those people and I won't be able to cope. I guess the answer lies in accepting uncertainty but that is so, so hard to do. I am going to try to make a plan with my Dr, ,I will let you know how I get on next week.