Hi everyone..haven't been on here for a while but just feel the need to share again..I have generalised anxiety disorder..some days better than others but it never really never goes away. Some days I get through ok but mostly not..then just when I think I've got this it rears its ugly head up again and consumes me with fear and dread. I become so engulfed in it it paralyses me..some days like today I cannot even get out of bed..i just can't function. Things get left to do for another day..housework gets neglected..my garden is crying out for attention and I feel like I'm completely overwhelmed.. Then there's the guilt..how have I a right to be feeling like this when there are so many others suffering in the world with real problems..I hate my self for being like this.

Today has been particularly bad...I haven't been able to function at all..It may seem pathetic and trivial to many but I feel so so bad I have let people down..You see I was invited to a family birthday party tonight..something I'd known about for a while now but just been burying it hopeing I wouldn't have to face it..Well last night and this morning I woke in such a state of worry and anxiety..could I go? Would I be able to go? How will people judge me if I don't go? In the end I had to phone my niece who's party it is and explain how I was feeling..O.K she understands I suffer with anxiety but I could sense she was disappointed..Then when she put on what's app group is any of the family actually going I felt even worse..Sorry to bore you all with my story..what am I looking for..? Sympathy..vindication..emphathy? Do I deserve any of that?.All I know is I am so angry with myself..I feel weak and pathetic..had to resort to taking lorazepam today to get me through..once again sorry for my rant but just writing it down here on the forum is kind of catarthic..let's just hope tomorrow's a better day..And by the way next week I am invited to a family meal out for my great nieces birthday and I know now I will try my damdest to get there..Although already I have butterflies in my stomach just thinking of it..I am going to try get some rest now as I am exhausted by it all..Godnight and god bless to all my fellow sufferers out there..if I don't respond straight away to anyone it's cos I've had to close down for now..try and rest my mind if that's possible..thanks for listening..😱