When I'm in social situations I really struggle, I interact because I force myself to but I'm absolutely curling up inside. I've learnt to compensate quite well but not really how to handle the aftermath and general anxiety.
I've had so many bad experiences that I just don't understand why anyone would want me around, I don't hate myself, I think I'm fine and enjoy my own company but when I'm around other people I feel really defective.

When someone is friendly and leads a conversation I'm fine at talking to them, even if it causes me some anxiety. But most people I come across seem to dislike me on sight.
One time in a book club I used the word "distraught" to describe a character and got chastised and asked to use simpler language, I don't feel like distraught is an especially complex word and it made me feel very self conscious and judged. Stuff like that happens a lot in groups. I feel like I'm established as the odd one out a lot and it's upsetting.

I feel like I always stick out, and it's stunning me into silence.
I'm genuinely finding it harder and harder to talk out loud, but I don't want to be silent, or unlikable or alone.