How do i get others to understand?

[DaveThe Snapper]

I can sympathise with you 100%. My mum was of the 'snap out of it' mentality. If it was that easy we would wouldn't we? Unless you've been there it's very difficult to make people realise what we go through. My wife gets migraines - she feels I can't comprehend the pain - I can't, I dono't get them. It's not easy to understand something like depression/anxiety unless you've had it. All you have to try and do is appeal to their compassionate side and make them realise it's not like a headache or a cold.

[Franz]

My experience is that family can never help with these things.

I've been on the edge today and thought of phoning my parents but there's nothing they can do. It just upsets them and we end up shouting at each other and the whole thing is worse for everyone.

Family are too close. They can't distance themselves. They blame themselves, and sometimes they blame you, but they can't offer constructive help. There's nothing but feelings of blame and guilt all round.

I don't have anyone else to talk to, so I'm on my own. It stinks. It's intolerable but no one said life had to be tolerable.

[Yvonne]

Getting family to understand this illness is one helluva task. Not just family, anyone who doesn't suffer. They just don't "get it", they cannot understand the feelings we get and that's because they can't feel them. I know this because I have talked my head off.

My family understand a lot more than they did because they have seen how badly anxiety affects me and they finally did get the picture that it was destroying me at one time.

It's sad that your mum can't relate in any way to it, there's quite a lot in women's magazines these days about anxiety and depression etc and if she had read some of these articles one would hope that she could at least gain some insight into how bad the illness is.

You were talking about no one else suffering with "mental illness" in your family - well, ..... that's now, -- believe me they may suffer at some time in the future. Also I think you are beating yourself up a bit with the whole mental illness label. Mental illness, the way we suffer is not being mad, and the trouble is that the minute the term "mental illness" is used people jump to the conclusion that we must be loonies which we are not! Please don't get yourself hung up on the fact that anxiety/panic/depression (etc etc) come under mental illness and start worrying about that label.

I think it's a very good idea to take mum to your doctor's with you. However, before you do take her print something out from the net (this site maybe) explaining in detail the shere pain and trauma anxiety causes. Make your mum read it.

Take care and I wish you luck because you need support and some tlc and who better than your mum to give it to you. Remember this though, no one who hasn't suffered this will never ever know how we feel. Ask yourself this, before you had it - could you have ever imagined how it felt?

xxxxxx