Bad News

[Darksky]

Thats awful, so very sorry to hear that. It was always your choice to have children or not, and now that choice has been taken from you.
I do hope that they can do something to help you. You've been on a long and distressing journey.

[SarahNah]

Thinking of you ❤️❤️❤️x

[LouiseAndy]

Hi everyone!

So I made a bit of a big last minute choice and since I'm off college until exams (got lots of time yet) my friend and me booked a last minute get away lol. Off to Poland we went! I didn't even have time to think since I just needed to clear my mind, my anixety was bad before the flight but it's always been! I was doing super good all of yesterday and today! It's only in the last hour the anixety had rolled in Abit, it's hard to breath, feeling dizzy etc etc ( alot of ha thoughts right now, typical heart attack or something along those lines but look I've had thought loads and I'm still here )but I'm here! I'm so glad I did it. I got some really good stuff in the Christmas market and we went to a amazing museum today.

I've got therapy on Monday, I'm meeting my GP Friday and I've got my cardiologist appointment on Thursday! I'm just gonna do lots of deep breathing now and try to relax my body Abit!

[LouiseAndy]

Thats awful, so very sorry to hear that. It was always your choice to have children or not, and now that choice has been taken from you.
I do hope that they can do something to help you. You've been on a long and distressing journey.

Thank you so much Darksky! �� I guess that was one of the hardest parts, like I'm 23. I wasn't thinking of kids and stuff yet so it's hard to know through them it might now even be a choice now

[Darksky]

Hope you're having a great time. European Christmas markets are the best Enjoy yourself!

[LouiseAndy]

Thank you Darksky! It was a lovely experience! I think ibrought back some type of plane cold! You know all those gems in the air.

My GP called me yesterday and we went over all the details of how they've handled my case- it's alot of details but it make it really simple. We decided to wait until after the operation in January before doing anything...just because she said knowing the health system. If they got wind of me doing to do anything legal. They push the opp waaayyy down. So more details to come on that in around Februaryish!

I'm also very nervous for my cardiologist appointment on Tuesday, I'm been having alot of heart issues and such. I guess it's soon and I'll have the answer soon anyway! Just alot of thoughts knocking around now about it.

[Carnation]

I think you are handling everything incredibly well.

[LouiseAndy]

I think you are handling everything incredibly well.

Thank you for the kind words Carnation truly- but I haven't been doing so well. I end up sitting in the stock room today and having a mix of a crying fit and a panic attack. My co worker covered for me but it was rather embrassing.

I guess getting my period and it all feeling so pointless now just really got to me. I also have my cardiologist appointment next week and I'm so scared of something going wrong again or them messing me around. I know I have to trust them- that it's all I can do but I'm feeling so alone and just like my body is against me. I know like you and others have said in the past so wonderful advice to me but I'm really lost and just scared right now.

[Carnation]

I know it's very scary LouiseAndy. The feelings scare all of us. The more you realise it is anxiety and not something else, the quicker it will settle.
It's not fair that you have to feel this way, I know that, but you can deal with this. Be kind to yourself, get rest when you need it and learn to understand how anxiety works.

[LouiseAndy]

Thank you Carnation x honsetly your words mean so much to me!

I had the first appointment today, they did a ecg and I have a holter monitor on until Thursday and they doing a a echo then also! I'm been feeling really awful all day, my heart is all over the place and I feel awful. I'm trying to forget about the monitor but it isn't always easy!

I know I'll know by Thursday what's going on hopefully but I feel so bad now and I had such a bad night I'm so scared of being let down once again by the system- which is a joke anyway but I'm really at a stand still.