Contemplating pregnancy, with health anxiety

[CatLady1]

(I know there is a subforum dedicated to pregnancy and childbirth, but I feel like this sub is more appropriate for my specific issue)

Wondering if anyone can offer their thoughts on navigating potential pregnancy as a person with health anxiety?

I am 34, almost 35, and am on the cusp of being considered an 'old' first-time mother, although as far as I know I'm in excellent health, fit and active, non-smoker/non-drinker etc. But one of the main reasons I have wavered on the issue of having children is the fact that I've suffered from debilitating anxiety for much of my life. In the last few years (since my father died), that has manifested specifically as health anxiety - you might have seen some of my posts on here. I have made significant progress in getting the worst of my anxiety under control, thanks in part to therapy and SSRIs - but now I am fearful of the health implications of 'late' motherhood.

I know there is an increased risk of breast cancer in women whose first pregnancy happens over the age of 35 (or 30, according to some sources); and I am already considered medium-risk for this, based on family history. I've been BRCA tested after a spate of related cancer deaths on my dad's side of the family, including my dad (aggressive prostate cancer) and an aunt who was diagnosed with BC in her 30s. That came back negative; though apparently the family history is strong enough to warrant my starting screening at 40 instead of 50. I suppose I could go for a private annual screening until I hit 40 and am eligible on the NHS, but it's still something that's triggering my anxieties.

And that's before you get into the actual physical ordeal of pregnancy and childbirth... I don't think I'd die or anything like that, but I do *not* deal well with pain, and the anxious anticipation makes it even worse.

I also worry about how my general anxiety would manifest as a parent, and whether I'd subject a child to the same kind of intensely anxious monitoring I received as a child; but that's maybe a question for another thread and another day.

Also for clarity - I'm happily married and in a stable position to have a child, so that's not an issue.

[BlueIris]

I've always been pretty sure my anxiety would make me a lousy mother, and I wouldn't want to ruin an innocent kid's life or make my own worse through a mental health crisis.

That said, I lack any maternal instinct with babies and small children, and my husband isn't particularly enthused about the idea of kids either.

If this is something you and your other half really want, I genuinely think you should go for it. The question needs to be whether it is what you want, though, or whether it just feels like a milestone you need to mark off.

[Scass]

It’s good to really think these things through, and well done for that.

I was considered a geriatric parent in pregnancy and I had a couple of complications, but it was pretty smooth really. I did have to have an emergency Caesarian, but that didn’t really bother me. She was safe & I was safe.
I had excellent care, midwives are wonderful as are health visitors, and you are very well looked after. I told the midwives about my anxiety, and they’ve dealt with it all before and have lots of ideas.

My anxiety came back with a bang once the sleepless nights started. My Dad died when my daughter was 2, and my anxiety kicked up a gear then too.

The thing is, you can plan for all these things and that’s great. But some people might not get anxiety until after their children are born.

It’s the most rewarding, wonderful yet difficult thing I’ve ever done. My daughter is an absolute joy and blessing and she gives me such happiness. But my anxiety is still there and I still worry so much. Does it make me a bad parent? I hope not. Do I regret it? Not a bit.

[spacebunnyx]

I became a mum at age 35. Its been tough (but not due to HA especially). I would ask yourself whether you are able to care and support a child both emotionally and financially. They will come first in everything - no matter if your anxiety is through the roof... They still come first.
Having kids is amazing, I went through lots of IVF to have my twins... But it's also hard. Xxx

[CatLady1]

Thank you for all the replies. I have no doubt that's I'd be able to love and support a child; it's something I've been thinking about for a while now. I just wonder how I'd manage my own anxiety around health... maybe regular bc screenings would be the way to go? I am lucky enough to be in a good position as regard finances, relationship and career, so these things would be easier to manage.

Does anyone know if you can have a 'pre conception' appointment with an NHS GP? I don't want to waste their time, but I do have questions around continuing my SSRI and other possible medical issues.

[Scass]

You can have an appointment with your gp to discuss your medication any time, it’s a great idea.

[CatLady1]

You can have an appointment with your gp to discuss your medication any time, it’s a great idea.

I had a phone appointment today. Spoke with a very friendly, helpful locum GP who confirmed that Sertraline is completely safe to take in pregnancy. That will make my anxiety much easier to deal with. She also confirmed that, although I am a bit older, the fact that my general health is good (active, non smoker, 'normal' BMI) means there are no standout risks that I need to fear in advance.

I still have some thinking to do around the breast cancer risk, but nonetheless it was a reassuring conversation.

[LF87]

Omg this is so weird. I debated writing this same post tonight as I'm having the same thoughts. I'm 32, all of my friends are having babies. I want that in my life but I truly think I'd be demented over every twinge and worried about the baby too much. Totally on your wavelength CatLady! X

[NancyW]

It’s the most rewarding, wonderful yet difficult thing I’ve ever done.

But my anxiety is still there and I still worry so much. Does it make me a bad parent? I hope not. Do I regret it? Not a bit.

This ^^^^^

[katielovespizza]

I'm currently pregnant with my second child, and have suffered with health anxiety for the past 7 years. Honestly there are the same ups and downs when my anxiety gets worse and better again, but in many ways I think being so busy all the time (my first is only 1 and a half) reduces the amount of time I can spend obsessing over health issues. That isn't to say it doesn't sometimes happen still, but it definitely seems like it's less now.