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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2018

    Pushed Myself Too Far

    Okay, first things first: apologies for rambling, I'm currently functioning on about 4 hours' sleep.

    Anyhow, this can be a tough time of year for introverts. I love people, I genuinely do, but being around them drains my batteries and I tend to need a lot of recharge time. It's Christmas, though, so lately this hasn't been an option.

    In addition to the standard 9-5 thing, I've had two separate parties to attend this week, and for once I was brave and attended them both. I'm so proud of myself for pushing my boundaries - last night I even did an escape room in a basement bunker, which was miles out of my comfort zone and turned out to be fantastic fun.

    Only one problem: I've been paying the price for a couple of weeks now with a return of my stress behaviours. I'm back to skin picking, and I have a bunch of small raw, bloody patches on my hands and neck. So far, so annoying. However, my sleep's also been suffering. I went to bed at midnight last night and now I've been wide awake for the past hour while my subconscious helpfully tells me how much of a fool I've made of myself at the social events, how everybody hates me and how I should probably just make the world a better place by killing myself. I have absolutely no plans to do this, but it's still a pretty rough background soundtrack to have in my head when I really need to still be asleep.

    How do I get my sanity back again?
    ************************************************** ********
    Sometimes, it's better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness. - Terry Pratchett

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2017

    Re: Pushed Myself Too Far

    First of all, well done you! Thatís a huge amount of social and you faced up your fears. It does take a huge amount out of us to do that but Iím really glad that you had fun!

    Itís tough to deal with the inner monologue when it has a bee in its bonnet. The truth is that thereís not a particular trick to get it to stop, other than the same ones we use daily. Itís just more difficult when youíve been pushing more and wearing yourself out, because the energy reserves are already low.

    Acknowledge why youíre having the thoughts, you pushed out of your comfort zone and have ran out of energy... therefore the batteries on the mute button has ran out.
    Challenge them, okay so even if I made a fool of myself (which I am 99.9% percent sure you absolutely did not!) why would that mean people hate me? Surely they would just think Iím good at having fun! Also, why would they be thinking of me? - this one works well for me, most humans are painfully self absorbed... they donít have time to be thinking of other people past or present they are focused on what they did and need to do.
    And then itís the most difficult, accept the thoughts as disordered and useless to you but that they are happening and let them go.

    I often find my sleep is very disturbed when Iím most exhausted, I have often theorised itís because my brain is active trying to work through all the new information; that these things I normally fear actually werenít a threat after all, that I donít need to be responding in fight or flight, that I donít need that absolute control... and of course dread that Iím completely wrong in my assessment, and that I should panic about it now because I didnít then.

    Do you have commitments this weekend? Once the work week is completely over? If not I think naps on the sofa with the fluffy ones and a strict rule to keep those feet up is definitely needed. Self care to prove that itís okay to relax is just as important as pushing our boundaries.

    Pop me a message any time Blue, Iím always happy to chat!


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
    The woods are lovely, dark and deep,

    But I have promises to keep,

    And miles to go before I sleep. - Robert Frost

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2014

    Re: Pushed Myself Too Far

    I think you are being too hard on yourself BlueIris.
    For someone that can hold down a job and attend socio events, you should be absolutely proud of yourself.
    So, you are sensitive, that's a good quality because you also care and I know how low esteem feels, but we our thoughts become out of proportion of what other people think of us. I do too and my partner tells me I'm being stupid and looking into things too deeply.
    Let's look at the facts. You are tired and you've pushed yourself out of your comfort zone.
    Just those two points will have after affects that are easily remedied by some tlc and rest.
    And well done for your achievements. x

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2014

    Re: Pushed Myself Too Far

    You challenged yourself and your fears, you enjoyed yourself and proved they are not reality and that you do enjoy these activities. They don't have to be scary and you enjoy being around the people you were with. Anticipatory aniety builds it up with often little outlet for the feelings we experience but on the day you spring into action mode and being able to do something against the situation gives you back control.

    You did well! Don't be hard on yourself.

    But it cna be draining. Just excitement can be draining. You've had a build up and a big release and often this can mean a short period of feeling washed out from being overwhelmed. In your case it has perhaps droped your normal defences against what lurks underneath that you are still dealing with? Anxiety has just found another way to seap back in. This doesn't mean it has or will win. It's just another lesson learned about where you are in yourself right now and how you need to work on that in the future in your recovery to put it back in it's box.

    I'm a skin picker too. What I have found is the last thing you want to be doing it sitting about. Get up and get doing stuff to distract your mind away from looking at those areas or feeling itchy. Is your skin actually itchy anyway? It's obviously going to itch as it heals thus tempting you to open it up again. If your skin is itchy then you can use some creams, moisturise after washing with soaps or even water, and thee is always an antihistamine if it's really itchy. It may itch more due to temperature change or what you wear so you can compensate against this.

    But exercise really helps. It will work on the chemicals in your body that are fuelling that anxiety. It will reduce the chemical support it has for obsessive thinking and those urges. It will help you sleep better and deeper even though you probably just want to sit about with not sleeping much. Burn off some adrenaline, get your body focussed on healing the natural trauma of exercise and you will find it cares less about the rest.

    Disclaimer: This post has been written with certain assumptions a) no photocopying of your bum and b) no smooching with the boss.
    For free Mindfulness resources, please see this thread I have created to compile many sources together

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Aug 2011

    Re: Pushed Myself Too Far

    I haven't read the other replies because this isn't something I'm particularly smart with. Your responses to stress aren't the same as mine, but I do react to too much social stimulus too, even now.

    My initial instinct is telling me that the fact you're recognising what has happened is positive, and that all you can really do right now is ride out the worst of it, but most of all stop being so hard on yourself. You did something you couldn't have done before, and stress has taken over a little bit. That's really all that's happened.

    In the short term, come back to the practiced calming techniques. Have a day in bed tomorrow if you need it

    The flip side of that is get out for a long walk in nature to get some perspective.

    Also, doesn't matter if anybody hates you IRL (which they don't!!!), none of us here do!

  6. #6

    Re: Pushed Myself Too Far

    I think your reaction is "normal" When i push myself and do something that pumps the adrenaline a bit, I am out on my feet for a couple of days and sleep badly. See it as a tiring step forward not a a step backwards. We all know how youare feeling!

    Chris x

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Nov 2018

    Re: Pushed Myself Too Far

    Thanks so much for all the help; I'm feeling a bit better now. I wasn't able to have a bed day today because I had a boozy lunch planned with my husband that we'd both been looking forward to. However, this was in a familiar location and my other half is always really understanding if I reach a point where I can't cope.

    I'm home now, I've had a nap and some dinner and I don't need to leave the house again until Monday. I'm still very tired and shaky, but the edge of self-loathing has mostly worn off. I'm not due back in work until January 6th, and I don't have any family commitments so I should be able to get plenty of rest and get my head back in the game again.

    Terry, your skin picking relates to itching? I'm fascinated by the way these things manifest themselves. Mine relates to roughness; if I get any tiny hangnail or scab I tend to rip it to shreds and make it so much worse than it was. I can never stop chewing at the inside of my mouth, either, for the same reasons.
    ************************************************** ********
    Sometimes, it's better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness. - Terry Pratchett

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Mar 2016

    Re: Pushed Myself Too Far

    Quote Originally Posted by BlueIris View Post

    How do I get my sanity back again?
    Hi BlueIris, I'm a skin-picker too.

    I'm also an introvert and socially inept.

    Christmas is a stressful time and it has a direct affect on the body and sleep. Things will settle down but maybe be mindful of the amount of stimulants you're taking in?

    You enjoyed the escape room. That's great! And it's all that matters!

    You regain your sanity by not basing your worth on what other people think of you. Some people will like you, some people won't and that's the story for every one of us, even Philip Schofield.

    I get the killing yourself vibe. They are just thoughts. Why should we deprive this world of our fabulousness just because some people can't handle it? It's their problem, not ours.
    ~ Recovery is a marathon not a sprint ~

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