worst day ever!

[sazzle]

Hi all,

im pretty new to the site but ive been reading loads of posts and it helps!

I used to have really bad panic attacks, the worst symptom of which is the breathing and palpitations. I went to CBT and i started to control the attacks and then they were gone.

Felt great and now recently they are back with vengeance.
Yesterday I went to get my hair cut and my partner was in London on business, i know the people there and go all the time, this day i could feel the fear building for no reason and in there i had a nightmare of wanting to escape and the worst feelings of not being able to breathe. Eventually i got it under control and managed to get my hair done and go home, I thought well ive got it back under control so i can arrange some things that i needed to do on that day.

So i arranged for an eye test in town that afternoon and went and parked up in the multistory car park. Had to walk about 10 mins to the opticions and by the time i got there was completely in a state of panic from not being able to breathe and horrific palpitations. Needless to say the eye test didnt go well being trapped in a small room with a guy right in my face. I ended up having to flee the opticions saying that i had to be somewhere and i would get my glasses fitted in the week.

Im at home now and just feel so depressed that things are worse than ever, i was at a point in my life where everything was great, i could go shopping and do anything i wanted. Now its starting to make me fear going out again as it was so scary.

I just cant understand how after all the CBT has taught me that im back here. Has anyone been here before? and any ideas how i can control my thoughts of having something really bad wrong with my lungs or heart. (even though 8 months ago i had chest xrays and was seeing a private specialist about my heart who did every test going and told me i was fine)

I dont know whether im thinking that 8 months is enough time for something bad to develop.

The other part of this is that my partner of 6 years isnt happy that im back in this situation and is telling me to go and get it sorted. Its like hes angry and its my fault that im bringing it all back again myself.

Sorry for the long post but i just needed to vent. Feeling very down in the dumps at the moment. (and any spelling mistakes )

[belle]

Hey..

Don't be hard on yourself. I think most people at some point have small hiccups, i wouldn't dwell on them too much. As you said, you've learnt a lot from CBT which is fabulous. I totally understand the opticians thing. I had an appointment the other day, i cancelled it FIVE times before i actually made it!!!!!! Goodness knows how i didn't go insane in that chair.

You have to keep focused on what you have already achieved, that is very important.

Take care
x