Feeling a like a burden during Christmas

[LouiseAndy]

So I've basically been under the weather all of December, it started with a head cold, to another infection, back to head cold and today I had to go to a out of hours doctor who just kinda shrugged at me and gave me tablets.

It's been hard because I'm so run down, I'm never getting a break to heal up before the next illnesses comes around.


I feel like today the doctor didn't really listen, like I've had a worrying high heart rate for a while like its been at a resting rate of 120-140--I did get some tests during the month that said my heart was fine but during these two weeks it's been so high and just lots of other issues.

I'm feeling very miserable and sorry for myself. I feel like im ruining Christmas for my family but I can't just get myself up and enjoying things.


Since I've been sick so constantly it's giving me fear that there something awfully wrong. Like just as I was writing this I got a awful dizzy spell and my heart rate jumped even higher. I'm in tears, I just wanted to enjoy Christmas

Sorry to be such a downer during the holiday times xx

[pulisa]

The important thing to remember when you are doubting your mortality is that you had a completely clean bill of health from the cardiologist just a few short weeks ago.

This is fantastic news..News that those with a heart condition would long for....but you are depressed so have continued to remain in that " I have symptoms so I must be ill" mode.

You admit that you are run down so you will be susceptible to all those familiar HA thoughts and prompts...All I can advise is that you try and think "To hell with it-do your worst, heart" and carry on regardless. Don't treat yourself like an invalid-you are healthy but have anxiety which is keeping you fixated on harmless anxiety symptoms. You know that your heart is fine but you need to believe it xx

[Carnation]

Sending you a hug x

[LouiseAndy]

@Pulisa thank you so so much for the reply xx I know I'm so lucky to have a clean bill of health, not everyone gets that. I'm also aware that I'm probably being hyperaware of everything because I've been sick for so long now- it's like never getting a break.

Like if I'm being honest, I got so unwell this morning - like it was hard to hear out of my ears so I just went off to bed by myself at 9 because I didn't want to seem so miserable around my family during this time of year. There's nothing going on in my family without that x

I know I need to just toss the worry to the wind, that I had the clear tests and the racing heart or any of the other stuff is just my body working in its own way. Just hoping things can clear up little and i can enjoy some of tomorrow x thank you again for the reply

@Carnation Thank you so much

[LouiseAndy]

Just after 6 am and no sleep. Keep having just horrible episodes and feel like it's going to be better :(

[pulisa]

Just stay in bed if you feel bad? Try and get a bit of sleep and then you will feel less bogged down and despairing..

Just take the day as it comes..Don't put pressure on yourself to "perform" for your family. It's not always possible to hide misery but you may find that there are still some good bits to the day that you can enjoy xx

[LouiseAndy]

Just stay in bed if you feel bad? Try and get a bit of sleep and then you will feel less bogged down and despairing..

Just take the day as it comes..Don't put pressure on yourself to "perform" for your family. It's not always possible to hide misery but you may find that there are still some good bits to the day that you can enjoy xx

Hi Pulisa xx thank you so much for the reply and the kind words

I manged to get up and have dinner with my family plus play a few boardgames before it became to much for me. I'm really not feeling great mentally and physically - no point in listing in how I don't feel great just keeps feeling like I'm on my last hours lol dramaict I know. I manged to take some tablets the doctor gave me and I'm really hoping I take a good turn soon. Both mentally and phycially because this month has been so far.


I only took my heart rate today once - it was 108 and like as awful as I feel its not actually that high I try to remind myself. Especially when so under the weather and filled with anixety.


I wish i could give a better update and say I jumped out of bed today and felt perfect but that's not the truth but at least I manged something x

[pulisa]

Yes you did so well done!

I really would advise you against taking your heart rate-there's absolutely no point.

[NoraB]

I've been on the cardio run-around in my time - utterly convinced my heart was going to clap out, yet every ECG or ECHO revealed a heart that was in great nick, just running on the fast side and, oh hello, I have anxiety.

The heart will react to stress hormones but it's a very strong muscle which is designed to go fast..

I like to do this lil test where I sit and let my thoughts go nuts. I then take note of how my body is responding and my heart will be banging away like an old barn door in a gale. Then, I do my deep breathing and I think of walking along beaches and stuff and lo and behold my heart rate comes down..

Your heart rate will have been racing while writing your post because you are fixed on how crap you feel and you will continue to feel crap while you are hyper focused on your body. Stick the V's up to anxiety and inform it that you are doing Boxing Day whether it's there or not!

It's your thoughts that are the culprit here, not your heart. Your heart is responding to your body's stress response - exactly what it is designed to do in order to keep you safe. It can't tell the difference between the Number 54 bus about to run you over and the 'danger' being your own anxious thoughts. Your heart is working just fine. X

[pulisa]

But you have to believe this, Louise, otherwise all the cardiac tests in the universe won't convince you..and you don't believe it yet xx