Feeling a like a burden during Christmas

[LouiseAndy]

I'll be honest, I was to embarrassed in a way to come on here again in the last week. I'm still having issues, same old same old stuff. Heart stuff, engery issues etc I had to go to my gp today as the sinus infection is back and worse, I'm just feeling very run down and in a poor place mentally. I got the event monitor on yesterday, I've been just dragging myself along the last week. Just mainly sleeping and going to work when I have too. Really hoping this set of tablets and spray help as it's been going on since November now. Somewhere in the back of head there's also a nagging voice to say is there something wrong since I've been sick non stop and just exhausted. Sorry to be such a downer on here

[LouiseAndy]

Hi Pulosa, thank you for the reply. I'm sorry it took so long to reply, I was to embarrassed to come back and check my thread. My therapist is trying a new method with me, about how we react to thoughts and stuff. It's a bit confusing but I'm willing to try anything. Thank you so much for replying, I know I'm in a panic zone and I'm just so exhausted mentally. Thank you so much truly for your kinda words and taking the time to reply to my rambling

[fishman65]

Hi LouiseAndy, I'm sorry you are struggling. Sometimes its difficult to define where the problem lies with health anxiety. We become obsessed with what our bodies are doing and get further down the rabbit hole. I'm not sure I'm the right person to be offering you advice but what I can say is that your heart can gallop along at a frantic pace but won't be any the worse for it. The fact you are still posting on the forum is proof of that. Though I had exactly the same thing going on in 2018 so can identify. The medication will help your sinuses, keep taking those and hang in there

[LouiseAndy]

Hi LouiseAndy, I'm sorry you are struggling. Sometimes its difficult to define where the problem lies with health anxiety. We become obsessed with what our bodies are doing and get further down the rabbit hole. I'm not sure I'm the right person to be offering you advice but what I can say is that your heart can gallop along at a frantic pace but won't be any the worse for it. The fact you are still posting on the forum is proof of that. Though I had exactly the same thing going on in 2018 so can identify. The medication will help your sinuses, keep taking those and hang in there

Hi Fishman- Thank you for replying and I hope you're doing better with your ear now xx

I guess my mind is just as what my old therapist used to say "the danger zone" where everything sets me off. Heart rate to fast? I'm set off, I feel like it's going to slow? Set off. I feel like someone is speaking to me in a different tone and now they don't like me? Set me off. It's everything I'm super aware of and it all feels like the end. It's like I feel so foolish because I've been here so many times before- yet every time I get so weak. I'm feeling rather beaten down at the moment.

Like also, strange enough I feel like the event monitor adds pressure because it's like I only get 20 goes at it- in a whole month. I'm worried I'll just misuse it and end up missing what their looking for. Like my GP said today all the heart tests came back good, so I felt to foolish to voice my worries and thoughts to hear. The only good thing I've done is stay away from google lol. Before I would spend hours reading everything I can find. I know it's so stupid to even worry about it after getting a good test results yet when I'm still having feelings and issues it can be hard.

I'm hoping the meds kick in soon, it's just really been drawn out at this stage- I think it might not be overall helping out my mood. I'm just exhausted and run down all the time! Thank you so much for the reply again xx

[Carnation]

Hi LouiseAndy,

I have sinus issues too and it certainly has affect on the anxiety and symptoms are so similar.
I admire the way you just don't give up and get help.
I'm sure that will stead you with some relief.
Don't be embarrassed, you are in the right place here. x

[LouiseAndy]

Hi LouiseAndy,

I have sinus issues too and it certainly has affect on the anxiety and symptoms are so similar.
I admire the way you just don't give up and get help.
I'm sure that will stead you with some relief.
Don't be embarrassed, you are in the right place here. x

Hi Carnation xx Thank you so much for the reply and the words, I hope you're doing okay xx
I guess sometimes I have to try and remind myself that no matter how low or hard it is now, I'm still in a better place than I was in 2017 before I started to go to therapy and such. So even in my worse moments, I'm still a little better off then I was before.
I guess it's just exhausting, today was a hard day in alot of ways- both physical and mentally. It's a little hard to see things in a good way at the moment. I know it's silly to fousc on things like my heart rate all the time- since it's been very high alot and yet I'm still here. (This might be a tw for someone) but my therapist thinks being so focused on things like this might be my mind way of resting on something so I won't to try and self harm again. Neither is health, it's just a exhausting time. The nights and sleeping are getting hard again.
Sorry again, for being so negative here.

[SarahNah]

Just wanted to say it on here also- but thinking of you my friend. I know not a single person in our lives off this website who would ever dream of calling you a burden xx Sending you lots of love xx

[LouiseAndy]

Just wanted to say it on here also- but thinking of you my friend. I know not a single person in our lives off this website who would ever dream of calling you a burden xx Sending you lots of love xx

[LouiseAndy]

Today's been rough, just a strong feeling of dread. Like I'm always waiting for something to go wrong- Like I've said before it feels like if it's going fast or slow it feels like my heart is about to give out at any moment. The monitor is causing some issues- by that I mean the stickers used to hold them on are causing abit of a rash. I already am using the sensitive ones one they are causing some issues. My brothers girlfriend is a nurse and she said there isn't much to do besides to put some cream on the areas when I'm I'm not wearing it. So that's not great! But I know that at the end of this I really have to over-haul my life. That living life this isn't really living, I know that but I need to give myself more a push to make everything fall into place. Like I'm feeling just so exhausted and rather like a burden at the moment....I did have a big downfall the other night. One I don't want to make anyone upset here to read about, it fells like a million steps back now.

[LouiseAndy]

I manged to get a decent enough sleep last night, slept in longer than I would normally like on my day off--as I feel like im wasting the day. Abit on edge as I woke up with a strange purple /red rash/bruises in my left arm and a headache that's been dragging me down. Yet tomorrow I have therapy again and I'm going to see some friends afterwards - it's been along time since I've gone to see my friends due to alot of reasons so busy day... For me anyway lol. The monitor is working away, my skin is a little red from it but not to bad. Not using it as much as I expect but I've still got another three weeks with it so won't speak to soon lol. Doing my best to really not focus on my heart rate at all - sometimes I win sometimes I loss!