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Thread: Feeling a like a burden during Christmas

  1. #21
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
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    756

    Re: Feeling a like a burden during Christmas

    Hi Pulisa, thank you for the reply x
    Oh my Mam keeps the monitor in a place I'll never find. She often jokes and tries to say it's because she paid good money for it and she doesn't want anyone touching it. It's not only because of me, My Da was testing his own Blood pressure last year and ended up breaking her monitor- which he just kept quite about and put it away without a word It's not often she tests it, I think in her own way by doing it randomly she thinks she helping by showing me it's not actually that high/bad? Like I know I was probably falling into my bad thoughts alot- which I do alot about feeling like a burden (a big issue I speak about in therapy, not just to do with HA) and those thoughts were being allowed when I wrote this post. Like 90 percent of the time, my Mam does try to understand and help- we've been getting a little better at talking about everything. Little steps because it can be hard on both sides.

  2. #22
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
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    756

    Re: Feeling a like a burden during Christmas

    I just wanted to add- I also manged a while day at work! Working from 6 am to 7 pm. I won't lie, there was some really not great physical or mental moments but I manged it! Without any tears of being overwhelmed or anything. I work on my feet alot, I suffer with jelly legs with my anxiety and that feed into others things but I manged it! It's not alot I know, there's so much more to get over but one day at a time eh?

    I also thought about the fact the cardiologist is writing a letter to my gp to ask for her to a thyroid test as he thinks it may be possible I have a over-active one and that's causing some of the issues- again. That can be very treatable and livable. I'm also going back in a few weeks to get a event monitor because he wants to see results of me having a panic attack- which he said himself he is sure will be fine but also due to you know laws and being able to sue someone. You need the tests before you can back up those words 100 percent!

  3. #23
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
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    756

    Re: Feeling a like a burden during Christmas

    Funny enough, over the last few days I can really feel my heartrate coming down-- I've not done anything differently expect trying not to think about it. I mean it's a little be of a laugh how if it feels like it's to low I freak or if it goes up I freak- but I'm really just trying not to think about it or take it. Like when I used to be crazed about checking my necks for lumps, I'd sit on my hands to stop myself when I wanted to do it. I'm trying to find a way to stop myself from taking my pulse, at the moment I'm trying to hum a song during those moments.

    I was meant to go out tonight but I got my period which is always rough for me with cramps so I picked to stay at home- a little disappointment but I know it's for the best as I wouldn't feel my best or up to it. I think also having my period can explain some of the dread I felt all the last few days or the exhaustion. That's what I'm saying it is anyway.

    I'm going on the 3rd anyway to get the event monitor!

    Wishing you all a happy new years

  4. #24
    Join Date
    May 2014
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    10,624

    Re: Feeling a like a burden during Christmas

    Wishing you a Happy New Year x

  5. #25
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
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    16,747

    Re: Feeling a like a burden during Christmas

    Let your healthy heart do what it was designed to do....beat! It won't let you down and doesn't need to be listened to. It can do its work without you supervising and stressing over it! It has served you well for over 20 years and is young, strong and healthy like you!

    Happy New Year! xx

  6. #26
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
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    756

    Re: Feeling a like a burden during Christmas

    Wishing you both a wonderful New Year!

    It's been three days since I actually took my heart rate--that most be the longest time in forever!! I try humming every time I get the feeling I have to do it! Its hard I won't lie. Its like trying to unlearn a habit. I'm also on my period and that's always a hard time for me. I always feel alot more all over the place. Like I said I'm trying to be more reasonable and not guess my heart rate. Like sometimes it feels slower and sometimes alot faster - but that's just it beating away! Also slightly tmi but I get rather heavy periods so that could be causing alot of stuff also! It's just my body working away!

    I also randomly decide to join my friends last mintue on a drop to Amsterdam on the 20th! Very last minute dot com but I'm really trying not to be scared and just go out and live. Hoping it goes better compared to my last trip x! I also did a little shopping online - gotta be careful not to be to kind to myself lol!

  7. #27
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
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    756

    Re: Feeling a like a burden during Christmas

    Sorry....things have taken a bad turn. I just feel so filled with panic, I'm refusing to take my heart rate or anything but it feels so awful. Up and down so quickly, I'm just so upset. I just feel so awful. My left arm has horrible pain, I can't breath- I know I'm being stuipd I just had tests. I just feelings so many horrible things

  8. #28
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
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    756

    Re: Feeling a like a burden during Christmas

    I ended up getting into such a panic I called a friend- I hung up when I realized the time but he called me back. I end up just crying and saying I don't want to die- like I don't know hwo to explain it. It's not even just heart fear. It's fear of myself. Like I caved and took my heart rate (myself, not with a machine)- it was 80's which for some reason feels to slow to me and I'm just so upset and feeling like a fool. I have therapy Monday- I'm just so scared right now.

  9. #29
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
    Posts
    756

    Re: Feeling a like a burden during Christmas

    My apologies for posting so much I need a lower heart rate is great- its just to have it drop from 130ish to now 60's to 70's ish just doesn't feel right to me. Its to sudden or something

  10. #30
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    16,747

    Re: Feeling a like a burden during Christmas

    The challenge for you will be not to focus on assessing your heart rate. You don't need to but it's such a habit now and it will be hard to break it without panic and fear that if you do not assess it you will die..but you won't of course as has been proved over the years. I hope your therapist can help you to work with your fears and help you to live your life without needing to be aware of your heart beat. This is the burden you carry with you-you are not the burden to your family xx

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