Feeling a like a burden during Christmas

[pulisa]

It's a ghastly end to your holiday. That poor boy...

Just get yourself home and sleep...no matter how fast your heart is beating. Hopefully the exhaustion will override your overactive and stressed brain.

You have done really well, Louise. Such a pity about today but that poor boy couldn't help it and he will be at peace now xx

[LouiseAndy]

Thank you for the reply Pulisa x It's a awful tragic event, hearing how some people talked about it on the train was very upsetting. Some very self centred people.

I didn't mange to get a good rest last night, it was like I was to exhausted too? Today been thr worst one in a long time. I just feel so exhausted and weak, I feel like im about to drop in work at any moment. Its hard to think, move even. I feel very dragged down, I just feel so much more extra dread and fear. Like I'm waiting for something to go wrong.

My Co worker very nicely made breakfast for me - but my stomach decides it was coming up again. I can't even put I to words how I feel--it's so strange. It's like I know it's probs just stress built up and lack of sleep - plus a up and coming period it makes a long day even harder lol.

[fishman65]

Louise I'm so sorry to hear that news about the boy, what an awful thing to happen though most of us on this site can relate to a greater or lesser degree. No wonder you are struggling today, that would be completely normal. I think you may be grieving in your own way, but you of course had no control over events, how could you? Go easy on yourself and remember how well you did to go on holiday in the first place.

[LouiseAndy]

Thank you so much for the reply Fishman, it means alot x

Today was the roughest day I've had in the long time. I was sitting at the table at break and suddenly I had this dropping/like a not hurting punch to the chest with my heart. It's happened a few times. It's very unsettling but in trying to remind myself off all my good tests. I also got sick after eating lunch and just - yeah just all really bad! Don't want to be a downer.

Am trying to remind myself that I did mange to go on holidays, that Ive had lots of good moments lately and I can overcome this.

[LouiseAndy]

I was doing pretty good but I've really dipped down since yesterday. I just feel really on edge and I had a horrible panic attack last night while trying to sleep. The worst one I've had in a long time. Today I've felt exhausted, my chest feels all strange but I'm doing my best to push along and be positive x

[LouiseAndy]

The last few days have been really hard, I have this feeling of dread over me. Plus I got a bad moment of racing heart heart and jelly legs which causes me to have a little fall in the shower. Today has been awful, I've been nearly able to move from the couch without feeling like I'm going to fall again and something worse might happen this time. I can tell my heart rate alot higher the last few days and it's really hard to breath. I'm also getting a sinus infection again I think :/ sorry for the big rant lol. I'm handing my monitor back tommorow to get reading and hopefully this will be the end of everything

[LouiseAndy]

Im really struggling tonight, I have the first chest pain and my heart pounding. I feel so dizzy and just strange. I know I'm probs bring hyperaware.

[pulisa]

I'm glad you are getting rid of that monitor today and I hope this brings some relief from the anxiety.

[LouiseAndy]

Hi Pulisa x my apologies for not replying sooner, I had quite alot of stuff going on and I really didn't even get a chance to breath!

I hand in the monitor and I haven't got any results so I'm guessing there's nothing bad in there? I've been doing okayish with the heart fears, sometimes it goes quite high still and that sets me off Abit but I'm slowly managing a little more each day!

I also found out I'm lacking in b12 and floic acid! So starting injections and tablets to deal with that!

[LouiseAndy]

Had a real awful night, all of today I've been super aware of my heart pounding away. I'm also getting loads of skip bears and chest pain. It's like I'm not crying about it either like I normally would. It's like in the bacj if my mind I know there can't be anything wrong i just had tests but it just makes me feel filled with anixety also.