Birthday plans

[Carys]

Why do you need to use social media to blog your life ? If it makes you so anxious, then just leave it well alone. Its not a necessity in life to write down everything for the public domain, I don't share my life on the likes of FB, many others don't.

Why does it matter that the guy you've booked might become famous and you've logged that on social media ? I genuinely don't understand your obsession with celebrities/ possible celebrities and treating famous people as gods.

[phil06]

Why do you need to use social media to blog your life ? If it makes you so anxious, then just leave it well alone. Its not a necessity in life to write down everything for the public domain, I don't share my life on the likes of FB, many others don't.

Why does it matter that the guy you've booked might become famous and you've logged that on social media ? I genuinely don't understand your obsession with celebrities/ possible celebrities and treating famous people as gods.

You are correct but I post much less than I use to. I notice other people post much less too but I have been in a dilemma about it as I wanted a quiet private event so I wasn’t keen to share. My partner on the other hand does want to share and it will be shared with about 30 mutual friends.

I only really put something on Facebook if it’s a holiday or gig. So should I focus less on social media? I find it hard to unplug from it with all the media pressures of social media. Do you think it’s fine to not blog your life I mean people do it less now than they did at the start of social media?

[Carys]

Do you think it’s fine to not blog your life I mean people do it less now than they did at the start of social media?

Oh course its fine Phil, you can do what you like, there are no rules saying you have to share things on social media. Blogging/documenting things on social media is a life choice, and you can simply choose not to. I have never done it, I share memes, news articles and jokes now and again, but don't add anything about my private life. Nothing, absolutely nothing. I have noticed that FB is now for the older generation it seems and youngsters are using different platforms, but I still think that there has been a down-turn in people generally documenting their lives for all and sundry to see. Maybe I'm from the generation where this type of thing didn't even exist, but I know plenty of people 2 generations below me who feel the same way - I like privacy and don't feel the need to have people I have 'collected' viewing my thoughts, feelings, things I'm doing and people I'm seeing. If it makes you uncomfortable, then its a really simple thing to just stop.

[phil06]

Oh course its fine Phil, you can do what you like, there are no rules saying you have to share things on social media. Blogging/documenting things on social media is a life choice, and you can simply choose not to. I have never done it, I share memes, news articles and jokes now and again, but don't add anything about my private life. Nothing, absolutely nothing. I have noticed that FB is now for the older generation it seems and youngsters are using different platforms, but I still think that there has been a down-turn in people generally documenting their lives for all and sundry to see. Maybe I'm from the generation where this type of thing didn't even exist, but I know plenty of people 2 generations below me who feel the same way - I like privacy and don't feel the need to have people I have 'collected' viewing my thoughts, feelings, things I'm doing and people I'm seeing. If it makes you uncomfortable, then its a really simple thing to just stop.

True I get that but why is it suddenly causing me anxiety I worry it’s another one of these anxiety/ocd winning when I choose not to fly, touch the garden, touch ect? I mean if I don’t put these pressures on myself like social media and flying I admit my anxiety is lower but I worry I am being controlled by anxiety?

[Carys]

Hmmm, ok, I see that point Phil - and I'm not sure how to respond to be honest. I'll try, but maybe someone else can help.

There are some things in life where the anxiety has impact which stops you functioning, e.g. the germs and garden, and there are some things which make no difference if you stop them or not as they are just 'extras'. For example, I am terrified of flying but its stopped me going on nice holidays, so I've worked on flying twice this year. I have always found meat repulsive for a variety of reasons and it made me anxious to eat it, so have been vegetarian for 20 years. Theres no reason that I should 'tackle' my feelings about meat, they are personal life choices and can easily be adapted for. Thats how I view social media - some people like it, some people don't, some people use it, some people don't, some people avoid it like the plague. Its not important that you 'learn to like social media', its not a critical part of life, infact some might argue that its better not to do it However, it is important that you learn to find ways to deal with germs in the bin, garden, handles etc. as its something you have to face day in and day out. Not sure my analogies work, but I know what I mean lol

[BlueIris]

Okay, here's my take on it.

You don't have to fight every battle.

Sometimes it's okay to let the anxiety win, if that's even it - different people like and dislike different things, and that's okay. Here's an example when it comes to my social phobia.

1) Parties and gatherings make me nervous, whether I genuinely want to go to them or not. Therefore, I only push past my nerves to go to the ones I really want to, and I don't feel bad about saying no to the ones I don't.
2) Job interviews terrify me. This, on the other hand, is a huge problem, because I'm woefully underpaid for what I do, which adds to my self-loathing. I definitely need to get past this one and soon, which is why I'm getting myself back into therapy again.

You don't have to do everything you don't want to do - that's not giving in to the anxiety, that's being a human being who gets stressed out by certain things, and it's fine. It's just a question of working out what you need to overcome.

[phil06]

Okay, here's my take on it.

You don't have to fight every battle.

Sometimes it's okay to let the anxiety win, if that's even it - different people like and dislike different things, and that's okay. Here's an example when it comes to my social phobia.

1) Parties and gatherings make me nervous, whether I genuinely want to go to them or not. Therefore, I only push past my nerves to go to the ones I really want to, and I don't feel bad about saying no to the ones I don't.
2) Job interviews terrify me. This, on the other hand, is a huge problem, because I'm woefully underpaid for what I do, which adds to my self-loathing. I definitely need to get past this one and soon, which is why I'm getting myself back into therapy again.

You don't have to do everything you don't want to do - that's not giving in to the anxiety, that's being a human being who gets stressed out by certain things, and it's fine. It's just a question of working out what you need to overcome.

Cool I’ve never thought about it like that. Perhaps you don’t have to do everything. That said I have a long list of stuff that I have not done like not went to a gig, quit learning to drive I beat myself up every now and again saying what if that had worked? I always have a can do attitude I hate to say no. I do put a lot of self pressure on myself too. I see people in there 30’s learning to drive and wish I could. I let the anxiety stop me going back to college every year since 2007 too. I would hate to be very old and wish I had done things differently.

I often hear of people saying I wish I could go back to Paris some people only go once in a lifetime where as I have been 5 times. So perhaps I can be grateful for what I have done. I still believe I can go everything I mean I put myself though an emotional nightmare to try and change jobs I was sure I had to push myself I found it awful at first but I done it and I can’t go back and that’s where I work now. What I learned was I never HAD to do it it was that self pressure. I then came fo the conclusion I never had to do everything like college or drive as it was notching my anxiety levels up.

The aim has to be ‘content’ as when I am content my anxiety is low my ocd is always better too. I have found being in my 30’s very hard as I rush around wanting to do things I worry I never done on my 20’s.

In terms of social media I wouldn’t say I hate it I mean I use to love at one point you would think every new Facebook friend meant a new real friend until you don’t get a happy birthday and so on and you see how social media affects people about likes and stuff I would say today I don’t like social media as much. I prefer twitter as I can follow celebs and don’t have to post much. The posting is the bit that often causes anxiety I worry what people will think. I think it’s good people use social media less now as it puts less pressure on. I have found some people to be happy at my posts others to be annoyed or jealous. Like my partners family dislike that I go on holiday. Sometimes I wish I did run a blog as people make lots of money from YouTube and travel videos but again web designing is something I quit years ago. I use to have a talent for it but I gave it up due to anxiety.

I believe I can’t live to my full potential due to anxiety but perhaps that’s quite common in anxiety conditions?

[BlueIris]

Incredibly common, yes. I have two (blasted) uni degrees and I'm stuck working a hair's breadth above minimum wage, paid the same as people who haven't passed their GCSEs. Wages in my field are about 30% over what I'm currently getting, but I'm so afraid of interviews I either blow my chances with a panic attack or - if there's a presentation involved - cancel them because I can't take the fear.

[Carys]

Was my post cool too PHil ? I wanna be cool like Blue.

[BlueIris]

Aw, Carys, you know you're the coolest one here!