Thanks blueiris, I only shared that as I just wanted to explain why I’m so scared and panicked all the time. I know we all have our stories though.

I was having counselling but I stopped as it felt like I wasn’t getting any better. I am much better in that I do not google anymore. I haven’t googled any of this as I know it will bring up horror stories of cancer and I just can’t keep putting myself through that. I feel so awful for the people who are telling their stories but also terrified that’s what is happening to me.

Im thinking maybe trying some books? I’m not sure where to start but I need to get out of this crap hole. I’ve been here too long.