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Thread: 83 yr old mum on life support with no hope

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Feb 2016
    Posts
    217

    Re: 83 yr old mum on life support with no hope

    Hi j2

    i just wanted to say how sorry I am to hear that you are going through such a tough time. I agree with the others, your mum will want you to be kind to yourself, even though right now it’s tough tough time,

    when my dad was ill with lung cancer, I felt terribly guilty that I couldn’t do anything. He said to me : none if what’s happening to me is your fault. If you want to help, just live the best life you can, for it is short.

    Sending you warm wishes

    Inanna x

  2. #12
    Join Date
    May 2017
    Posts
    2,634

    Re: 83 yr old mum on life support with no hope

    You are physically and mentally exhausted. Feeling numb is perfectly normal. Sometimes in times of unbearable stress the brain does shield itself.
    My mother broke her hip a while back and then contracted sepsis. She was in hospital for a month battling it. All this at ninety. It was a horrendous time and I lost two stones from sheer stress. Seeing the frailty of your elderly parents is an awful time. You have to face their mortality which is something I personally have always locked away.

    If she's in and out, maybe you could make a tape up of all her favourite music and just let it play by her side. I'm sure she would be able to hear it.

    Life is giving you plenty of stomach kicks. Just when you dare to think one horror is subsiding a little, another one hits you with all its force. One thing after another, I've been there myself and you wonder how you will get through. But you will, with battle scars for sure but you will get through.

    Sending you and your lovely family hugs and prayers.
    __________________
    It’s a cruel beast that you feed…..

    Ghost…Spillways

  3. #13

    Re: 83 yr old mum on life support with no hope

    Great suggestion about the music, Darksky. I have been playing my father his favorite songs and it seems to give him comfort.

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Jul 2017
    Posts
    151

    Re: 83 yr old mum on life support with no hope

    You’ve been through so much. Allow yourself the right to grieve in the way you need to. My mom died from cancer and towards the end I couldn’t even look at her. It just made my entire body hurt and I was drowning in emotional pain. She died 24 days before my daughter was born. The numbness I felt and the numbness you feel is your body’s way of protecting you from this traumatic time. It’s also your body’s way of easing this life changing moment on you. Grief had many stages. And not all of us go through them at the same time. I’m so sorry about your mom. Praying for your mom and your peace.

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
    Posts
    816

    Re: 83 yr old mum on life support with no hope

    gives you hugs J2
    __________________

  6. #16
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Posts
    1,579

    Re: 83 yr old mum on life support with no hope

    Just sending some love from here, too. I'm so sorry to hear about your mum, especially after all you've been through with your son. Life is sometimes very cruel. I don't think it's any surprise you're feeling numb. Grief is very individual and there is no right or wrong way to feel. Please don't put any more pressure on yourself to feel a particular way. Just being there is enough.
    __________________
    'If you're going through hell, keep going' (Winston Churchill)

  7. #17
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Posts
    846

    Re: 83 yr old mum on life support with no hope

    Just an update on my mum. She has been removed from all the machines. When they unhooked her, they told us she would not survive and so we all gathered around and said our good-byes. Except she kept breathing. So now, 2 days laters she is mostly incoherent and we are all trying to figure out what to do. I am now at the end of my rope. Also, my son has a follow up appt. today and I am worried about that. My anxiety is now causing me to have all kinds of stomach issues and I am now switching words like "small" and "smart" or "hospital" and "hotel". At least I hope it is anxiety (something new to worry about, yeah). Anyway, thanks for the kind words and general good vibes you guys are sending my way.

    J2

  8. #18
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Posts
    10,624

    Re: 83 yr old mum on life support with no hope

    Word switching or replacement is definitely anxiety and is not a permanent state.
    I feel for you J2, I've been in your position 3 times!
    It's one of the hardest things to go through in life.
    You will come through this although it doesn't feel like that for you at the moment.

  9. #19
    Join Date
    Jan 2017
    Posts
    247

    Re: 83 yr old mum on life support with no hope

    Oh J2 I’m so sorry. This is just a lot on your plate. Prayers going up for you. (((((HUGS)))))

  10. #20
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Posts
    27,320

    Re: 83 yr old mum on life support with no hope

    I agree with Carnation.

    Being there is all that matters for her now and it's going to hit everyone in a different way. Your anxiety is likely to intensify because you are under so much pressure and your emotions will be all over the place. And don't be surprised if you have periods of feeling spaced out, not present or numbness because DP/DR are a way for the brain to escape from trauma.

    for you all and some for your mum.
    __________________
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