Food fear gwettingworse and worse, please respond

[Lana]

Guys, I just wanted to share my severe food safety fears, and maybe get few pieces of advice/

So in the past four years, I have developed very bad fear of food - whether it is safe, thoroughly cooked, and so on. To make a long story short, I have stopped eating out , I cook at home, I take always my own lunch to work. This , firstly , did not solve the OCD / fear, and secondly, it caused problems at home. My husband, and my son (when he is at home), tell me that I basically nuke the food - everything is overcooked and dry. I have not eaten or bought lettuce in four years now. I beg my son, who is at college, to NEVER eat raw vegetables, and especially lettuce, when eating outside. I am scared to buy food anywhere but Whole Foods, and then I wash it forever, and cook it for too long. The only thing I am sort of not afraid of is bakery goods - but this morning my husband brought me a piece of bakery which is sort of this muffin filled with delicious hazelnut cream, with a tiny hazelnut piece on top - I ate it, I loved it, and now I am scared ( of hazelnut piece). I am on the verge of calling the bakery to ask them if the hazelnut piece is also baked with the muffin, or put on top of it later?! WTF???

I do not know what to do anymore, this has become a serious problem. My hands are raw from overwashing, and nobody want to eat my overcooked food. I am truly desperate. Just to mention that I was in therapy on and off for many years, and decided that it cannot help me, and it cost my a fortune.
p.s. Please, nobody tell me that Whole Foods is not safe, because that is my only remaining refuge for food. One has to eat.

Any ideas, or advice, please. Also, can I get anything from a freshly baked muffin ( with cream inside)? I am probably pathetic, but do not know where to turn anymore.

[BlueIris]

It's incredibly, crazily unlikely that you'll get anything from a muffin. Also, nuts used in baking are usually pre-roasted to make them crunchier

I do think you need to see your healthcare provider, though, this is no way for you to be living.

[Dying_Swan]

Please think about getting some more therapy. Like Iris said, this is no way to live. You might find a different therapist or type of therapy helpful. I think slow exposure to things you fear would help, but it's not easy. Could you let someone else cook, or start by allowing your son to eat what he wants?

As for your muffin, I think you'll be fine. A friend of mine once ate a very mouldy muffin (I'm talking serious mould here) and she was fine (it was not from Whole Foods). If she didn't get sick from that, I'd say you're pretty unlikely to get sick from a hazelnut. Please do get yourself some support so that your life is less restrictive.

[ErinKC]

I have dealt with this type of food anxiety but never this severe. I definitely think you need to reconsider therapy, but to find a therapist who will specialize specifically in helping you work through this fear. The only thing that helped me with this was (1) to reduce my overall anxiety level and (2) exposure therapy. I had to force myself to slowly start eating the things I was afraid of to prove to myself that nothing would happen. Mine started with a fear of food allergies (even though I have none) and progressed from there. At the worse I had also stopped eating any raw veggies, no canned goods, nothing with nuts, several types of fruits, and a few other things.

Over time I've been able to add everything back in. The last one was lettuce. I did stop eating lettuce for a good while after the first e. coli scare a year ago or so. I finally started eating salad again and remembered how much I love it!! So, I kept eating it. Then, when the next e. coli thing happened I stopped again and waited many month after the ok. This time, I just checked and saw romaine is safe again as of two weeks ago and went right back to eating lettuce. For me, I just have to rip off the bandaid and do stuff. Now, I'm back to eating everything I'd stopped eating.

I do still have some issues with cooking raw meat and knowing it's done, but I'm getting better with that, too.

[Fishmanpa]

Please think about getting some more therapy. Like Iris said, this is no way to live. You might find a different therapist or type of therapy helpful. I think slow exposure to things you fear would help, but it's not easy.

This is it in a nutshell. Lana, the behavior you describe screams OCD and truly needs real life professional help and/or meds to address it. With determination and hard work you can overcome this fear that has effectively taken one of the true joys of life away from you. Read the quote in my signature and take note of the first word

Positive thoughts

[Lana]

Dear friends, thank you so much.

I know I need help - but , by God, I spent so much money on therapy that I was in for years (postpartum depression, anxiety, various forms of OCD, hypochondria beyond belief... the list goes on). Deep inside, I know that so many things that I am afraid of, including things to eat, are harmless, and my fears are baseless. That helps me too. I also want to tell you all, and especially you Fishmanpa, how great you are, how patient, and how much this support helps. I am grateful to have found the Forum, and I feel like I know personally some of you.

I have been a sole care giver to my mother ( almost 88), who is senile, and very sick with a kind of chronic leukemia (myelofibrosis). I also still work full time, and I am hoping to continue working at least until my son is out of college ( he is in his third year now, and a very good student and fine young man). The care I have been giving my mother has truly taken the best of me in the past couple of years , since she has been getting worse), and I do not know ho to cope with that any longer. My husband is very understanding and both he and my son want me to find a part time help for my mother, but the problem is that she cannot speak English ( she used to know little, but at this point she cannot remember any). It is very hard to find someone who speaks her mother tongue, hence, very difficult for me to find help. I am very exhausted, psychologically but also physically - for example, I have been sick with a nasty cold for the past tenish days, it is almost I cannot get over it, and my neck lymph nodes swell - which I cannot stop thinking about). Anyways, it seems like I need someone out of my small family circle to unburden all this to - and thank you so much for listening ( reading). God bless you all, with good health and also other good things in life.

[BlueIris]

You poor thing, it's no wonder your anxiety's playing up. For what it's worth, while I'm sure you have a much better idea of these things than I do, I'm a professional researcher and if you think it might help I'd be happy to investigate services in your area.

[vicky23]

I just wanted to say I've also gone through what you're going through and yes it's very difficult. I had the help of a therapist to expose myself to the things I feared, like Erin describes.