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Thread: In search of hope

  1. #1

    In search of hope


    I'm 31 year old guy. I live alone and work. I have had hard time in work for two years and have been thinking of quitting it. I wasn't able to quit it due to fear. 2019 autumn was especially hard but I struggled and decided to quit at the end of year. However. as the year was coming to end I felt more and more anxiousness, maybe having OCD as every time I was supposed to decide something I just started looping for hours without being able to decide. This looping when I was thinking of quitting happened few times before as well during the 2 years. I would delay the decisions until the very end and when deciding to decide, I would loop for hours for many days feeling super anxious when in that loop spiral.

    Anyway, as the year turned to end I went to see a doctor for some pain. The doctor diagnosed after sample that I most likely have a malignant cancer. That skyrocketed my anxiousness and OCD. I started thinking I have to do this and that in order for the cancer thing go well. I also started using zopiclone for sleeping and opamox for anxiety. I also took a sick leave from work.

    Fortunately after about three weeks, in the beginning of January I got news that there was no cancer. I had also been staying with my friends house for one week and was able to stop using opamox and cut the zopiclone for 1/4. However, after returning to home alone I was super anxious again. I was anxious about the drug and wanted to get rid of it. I tried going to sleep without it but after some hours decided to take it. I had no motivation to get up and it would be 2pm or so before I have gotten myself up. Being in bed doesn't help and I start thinking about anxious stuff.

    This struggle started on 13th December and now I still use Zopiclone, now 1/2 before sleeping and again 1/2 if I wake or can't get sleep. I'm very anxious about sleeping and using drugs. I'm also afraid of heart attack, blood wein popping etc. due to prolonged sleeping problems. The doctor wants me to use other drug, doxapin but I'm afraid to try it. I just want to get my confidence to my own sleep back and get rid of drugs. I mean every time I take the drug I get very anxious as I focus on my own body in the fear of something bad happening. How can I get rid of this focusing on my own body and fear of health problems, fear of drug use, fear of not being able to sleep, fear of damage due to no sleeping, fear of not being able to solve problems and nlt being able to return to normal life, fear of not overcoming problems and not surviving because because I have llst the confidence in my self?

    My root problem is OCD I think. I have made some mistaked which I regret deeply. I would want to clear some mistakes but I'm afraid to act. The problem comes when I have to make a choise. When I know something is impossible for example not being able to return in time I don't worry about it but when something is possible I start looping about the choise until the thing becomes impossible due to circumstance. I'm afeaid to make decisisions that have possibly long term consequences.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2011

    Re: In search of hope


    First of all, what are the medications being prescribed for? Have you been diagnosed with any kind of mental health condition, or are they just to help you sleep?

    What kind of troubles are you having at work that make you want to quit?

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