Child Headache

[travelgirl77]

So, my two main boogeymen are breast cancer and brain tumors, the latter specifically in my children. My son, 10, told me yesterday that he had off and on head pain above his eye yesterday at school. He told me this before dinner when it started to hurt again after he and his sister were dancing around. I asked why he did not tell me earlier and he said, "because I knew you would worry." Of course, I fretted and worried all last night. He just got glasses so I know it is not a vision thing. He told me it did not hurt bad enough for medicine. It obviously did not hurt while he was playing his Nintendo nor eating dinner. He was fine this morning. BUT, I am in knots. I am waiting for the school to call or for him to come home with another headache or something else indicative of a brain tumor. I know that headaches are not always related to brain tumors, but sometimes they are. I do not want to greet him at the door asking if his head hurts or if he is ok (but, I kind of do because, well, you know.). I have therapy tomorrow morning, but what can I do today, this afternoon, to not go crazy with worry. And, to not project that worry on to him. He told me this past weekend that he has a feeling he will not live to be an adult which freaked me out of my mind. And, now this head hurting. Does he just know? I need some practical tips. I am not googling, but I have a library in my mind of all articles I have read in the past on brain tumors...so I do not need to go far to feed it. Help...

[BlueIris]

If he's just got glasses, maybe that could be the cause of the problem?

Honestly, it's far more likely that he's picking up on your own health anxiety than that he has precognitive abilities

[ErinKC]

He told me this past weekend that he has a feeling he will not live to be an adult which freaked me out of my mind. And, now this head hurting. Does he just know?

This makes me extraordinarily sad. I 1000% do not say this to hurt you or make you feel badly, but as the child of a health anxiety sufferer who now has health anxiety, he doesn't "just know," he's going to die young, your anxiety about his health has almost certainly made him feel this way. I'm glad that you're in therapy, but you need to explain to your kids that you worry about them because you have an anxiety disorder, not because anything is wrong with them or that anything bad is going to happen to them. I know YOU don't believe this necessarily, but it's so important for them to understand the difference between a real threat to their health or lives and your anxiety. My mother never explained anxiety to me.

I have anxiety only about myself, but even with that any time it gets bad I sit down and explain this to my 5 year old. I tell her over and over sometimes my brain gets confused and thinks that something that is NOT dangerous actually IS dangerous and produces lots of adrenaline so I can fight off the threat or run away from it. Because there is not actually any danger there is nowhere for that adrenaline to go so I just feel very, very bad. This is a chemical reaction in my body and has absolutely nothing to do with anything we actually have to worry about. How to talk about my anxiety with my daughter was a huge part of what I discussed in therapy early on and has been very helpful.

Also, still as an adult I avoid tell my mother things because of her anxiety. If I have a cold I'll sometimes not answer the phone when she calls because as soon as she hears my voice she knows I'm sick and then will call to ask me how I am every day. I also try not to tell her when my daughter is sick for the same reason. Your son already avoided telling you he had a headache because he knew you'd worry.

I know this was some tough love, but I hope it can help you push forward with treatment!

[ankietyjoe]

This makes me extraordinarily sad. I 1000% do not say this to hurt you or make you feel badly, but as the child of a health anxiety sufferer who now has health anxiety, he doesn't "just know," he's going to die young, your anxiety about his health has almost certainly made him feel this way. I'm glad that you're in therapy, but you need to explain to your kids that you worry about them because you have an anxiety disorder, not because anything is wrong with them or that anything bad is going to happen to them. I know YOU don't believe this necessarily, but it's so important for them to understand the difference between a real threat to their health or lives and your anxiety. My mother never explained anxiety to me.

I have anxiety only about myself, but even with that any time it gets bad I sit down and explain this to my 5 year old. I tell her over and over sometimes my brain gets confused and thinks that something that is NOT dangerous actually IS dangerous and produces lots of adrenaline so I can fight off the threat or run away from it. Because there is not actually any danger there is nowhere for that adrenaline to go so I just feel very, very bad. This is a chemical reaction in my body and has absolutely nothing to do with anything we actually have to worry about. How to talk about my anxiety with my daughter was a huge part of what I discussed in therapy early on and has been very helpful.

Also, still as an adult I avoid tell my mother things because of her anxiety. If I have a cold I'll sometimes not answer the phone when she calls because as soon as she hears my voice she knows I'm sick and then will call to ask me how I am every day. I also try not to tell her when my daughter is sick for the same reason. Your son already avoided telling you he had a headache because he knew you'd worry.

I know this was some tough love, but I hope it can help you push forward with treatment!

+ 1,000,000

The most concerning thing here is that the OP didn't pick up on the child's mental state, rather kept on pandering to her own HA.

Travelgirl, you need to sort this out. You have successfully passed on your health anxiety to your kids, which is not Ok. Your child should not know you'll worry about them, your job is to put on a brave face and tell them they'll be fine no matter what you think, or what you know.

Your kid has complained about a headache for ONE day, after getting new glasses. It's nothing.

Focus on YOUR health anxiety, not their minor ailments. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but until the therapy does it's job you need to re-focus 1000% on keeping your fears away from your kids.

[travelgirl77]

Your responses are sobering. I know I have an issue. I pretty much hate myself if I have passed this on to my children. I do not want a bad relationship with them and do not want them to struggle with anxiety. It is crap because I want none of those things, but still, even reading your responses, I think, "well, my mom intuition is telling me otherwise." No need to respond, I get it and it is not harsh and your words don't hurt....I already know what you expressed. I want to get better, but it feels like anxiety always wins. Always.

[ErinKC]

Your responses are sobering. I know I have an issue. I pretty much hate myself if I have passed this on to my children. I do not want a bad relationship with them and do not want them to struggle with anxiety. It is crap because I want none of those things, but still, even reading your responses, I think, "well, my mom intuition is telling me otherwise." No need to respond, I get it and it is not harsh and your words don't hurt....I already know what you expressed. I want to get better, but it feels like anxiety always wins. Always.

Don't hate yourself! You have plenty of time to turn things around with the right treatment and hard work! Honestly, even just expressing to your children that you suffer with anxiety is a good start.

[Cptdebbie]

I raised five children while dealing with depression and anxiety. They are now wonderfully well-adjusted adults. They still tease me about the things I worried about with them. However, having their own children has helped them to understand that big flashing worry light that comes on when they hand that new baby to you.

My point is that it doesn’t take a perfect parent to raise great children. We all pass on good and bad to our children. I bet it won’t take much to help your little boy see that you’re struggling with something and that he doesnt need to model your anxieties.

As far as his headache is concerned, my pediatrician always told me that the best indicator of a serious problem was whether or not a child wanted to play. My kids had stomachaches, Headaches, growing pains, joint pains, and everything else you can imagine. If they still wanted to play, my doc considered them healthy.

It sounds to me like you are a wonderful mother and your children are lucky to have you! Take care of yourself. It will bless your life and that of your childrens’.

[Cptdebbie]

I forgot to mention that I personally know a few children who had brain tumors. Headache was not a symptom for any of them. My nephew was one of these children. He’s 40 years old now and just visited with me the other day.

[ankietyjoe]

As far as his headache is concerned, my pediatrician always told me that the best indicator of a serious problem was whether or not a child wanted to play.

This implies that a child that doesn't want to play has a serious problem, slightly dangerous language in a HA forum.

A child can have a mild fever and a bit of a cold and not want to play.

[Cptdebbie]

You are right ankietyjoe. Children don’t want to play when they have a virus or something like. I’m not sure how to qualify my statement to be more accurate. I just know that when my kids were having stomaches everyday, it was comforting to me when they still wanted to play. Usually the stomachache happened during school hours. Afterwards, they were fine. ��