Please Help!! Freaking out again!!

[BlueIris]

You're not a horrible person, you're a scared person. Please don't blame yourself for this.

Maybe consider calling a mental health crisis line?

[always scared]

I first started getting mid back pain mostly on my left side like 8 months ago. I thought It was for sure PC . The pain came and went since May of last year but never really got worse. So fast forward to 2 days ago. My husband got diagnosed with Kidney cancer. So my mind is racing with fear that this has been Kidney cancer all along. His pain comes and goes too. I am now scared to go pee and when I do I'm checking the colour. The pain is now back full force. It's on my left side where my bra strap ends and it refers around my side to the front under my ribs. I also get the odd pain lower down my back where my kidney or maybe my left kidney is higher up by my mid back area . My pain is more dull but noticeable and it comes and goes and sometimes I feel it more when i move. As where my husbands was very bad. Now my husband has had back pain for years so we don't know when the cancer started. But the real bad pain started last week and so much blood in his urine His back pain seemed more in his lower back around his hip.

I'm still in shock. My mind does not know how to deal with this yet. But I know I'm really losing this battle real quick and having some really scary thoughts. If our children where grown and were settled in life I might not be so effed up. Our youngest is 10, 15, 21 and our oldest is 29 and pregnant.

I know writing this post that no one can really help with my fears. I just feel like I need to talk to anyone because I can't talk to my husband and children. I need to appear that I am doing ok.

Thanks for listening . If anyone out there has had any experience with this kinda back pain that I am having and it was nothing serious PLEASE TALK TO ME

What kills me is that last week I was freaking out about Throat cancer and here i am not really feeling my throat pain that much anymore BUT all my back pain is back and worse.​

[always scared]

I just googled kidney issues. I am now certain I too have a kidney problem or cancer too I ticked all the boxes. WHy oh Why did I think these symptoms were PC at first. I was so wrong

I just peed and no blood yet. I guess that's a good sign. Even though my husbands comes and goes

[RadioGaGa]

First of all, I am so sorry to hear about your husbands diagnosis. However, a good friend of my parents was diagnosed with kidney cancer about 10 years ago, and he's doing very well indeed. You wouldn't know by looking at him that he had anything wrong with him (although, he continues to smoke VERY heavily! Which is very frustrating because smoking is a major risk factor!) The treatment of kidney cancer has gone through quite an 'exciting' period in recent years with new drugs etc.

To try and reassure you, kidney cancer isn't exactly a common cancer: so the probability that you'd both be diagnosed with this condition, more or less simultaneously, is EXTREMELY unlikely. It would be case report 'rareness'.

Pancreatic cancer, on the other hand, is a very nasty disease indeed. By the time it causes symptoms, it's usually (very) advanced. You report this pain for 8 months - a lot of people diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, even when they undergo optimal surgery and chemo, die within six months. So really your symptoms are not consistent at all with PC.

Have you had an X Ray of your back done? When we moved house in 2010, my mum somehow damaged a disc in her spine. The result has unfortunately been chronic back pain (although it still does come and go). Really I think you can take your worries away from cancer and see about getting a spinal X ray to see if you have a slipped/damaged disc.

good luck

[Fishmanpa]

As a warrior and survivor, my deepest sympathies to your husband and you. You say they found a tumor but was it officially diagnosed as cancer? I'm assuming it was?

The advice about getting real life support is vital, especially in light of your anxiety. There are also forums that offer information and support for warriors and their caregivers. The advice and support both myself and my wife received was wonderful. Also, most hospitals have support systems for families and patients. The best thing you can do to support your husband is be there for him and that means take care of yourself.

Positive thoughts

[always scared]

As a warrior and survivor, my deepest sympathies to your husband and you. You say they found a tumor but was it officially diagnosed as cancer? I'm assuming it was?

The advice about getting real life support is vital, especially in light of your anxiety. There are also forums that offer information and support for warriors and their caregivers. The advice and support both myself and my wife received was wonderful. Also, most hospitals have support systems for families and patients. The best thing you can do to support your husband is be there for him and that means take care of yourself.

Positive thoughts

Yes he was diagnosed yesterday . They will do a biopsy after surgery when they remove the tumour. Right now it looks contained but more testing is needed. I can't believe Im writing this. I took some ativan and it's helping a little but I'm one step closer to the edge of no return . I can't believe this is happening to us again. First Christopher now my husband and I am so sure I'm next. We have a family curse I think

[Inanna]

Hi

I'm so sorry to hear about your husbands diagnosis. How is he bearing up?

I really feel for you and your fears, as I am going through exactly the same at the moment. I have had the symptoms you describe above for the last 3 weeks, except mine is worse at night, and activity seems to ease it. I've also had loss of appetite. My biggest fear is PC, I'm convinced I have it.

Anyway, can you go to your GP and explain how you are feeling? Hopefully, he or she will be able to arrange a scan to put your mind at rest. If not, there are some places in the UK where you can pay for a scan?

Sending you positive vibes


Inanna x

[Elen]

Hi

This is just a courtesy reply to let you know that your thread was merged with another of your threads.

Please when posting on similar topics add it onto your previous post rather than starting a new one.

It is nothing personal it is just to make it easier for people to follow your story and to give you advice as a whole.

Elen

[CleverLittleViper]

I am so sorry to learn of your husband's diagnosis. How is he holding up with it?

My mam was diagnosed with Leukaemia in 2018. Luckily, she's doing well now and is in remission. I'm mentioning it because I remember what it was like in the initial stages after the diagnosis. It was awful and it didn't feel real. It felt like it was happening to someone else. I remember it getting more bearable once her treatment plan got underway. Once you have a treatment plan in place, and an idea of what to expect, it will become more manageable.

There's no right or wrong way to deal with this. I cried until I was sick. As you already have health anxiety, your anxiety will be through the roof. This is normal and to be expected. You do need to speak to a professional about this, though and a doctor about that bad back. Not because it's anything sinister, but so that you can stop worrying about it and are free to take care of your husband during this time.

There are so many treatments they have now, and when they've done more investigations, you'll know a bit more and they can start a treatment plan for your husband. That was the thing that kept me going. Knowing they had a plan in place, putting faith in the process and trust in the doctors, and just being as present as I could be. Don't forget to take time for yourself during this time.

But your husband is going to need you to be strong for him because I can imagine how scary this all is right now. I know my mam kept a lot of her fears hidden, and tried to play it off. That's why you need to get help for your anxiety ASAP so that you can be "present" with him and not spiralling with your anxiety. It will benefit all of you to get that help. I hope that didn't come across harsh, because I really don't mean it to, and I wish you, your husband and your family all the best during this time.

[Carys]

Just todays tests proved deadly for my husband.

No - tests aren't deadly, NOT having tests is deadly. The threat is from not finding a tumour until its too late is/was the risk here.

It sounds like your husband might be having his operation in the near future, and then they will biopsy the tumour and there will be an appropriate treatment plan in place. I wish you all the best in coming to terms with the diagnosis (I am also a cancer survivor) and I know you have every reason to be hopeful of effective and successful treatment of kidney cancer....the 'cure' rates are high and there is a great deal of understanding about this very common cancer and how to deal with it. It is even better that they are saying it appears contained that is great news. I think it might be worth you knowing also that there is a lot of support out there for you, if you choose to use it. Most of the main cancer charities are able to offer telephone support, but there is a specific kidney cancer site which I will link to below. It might help you to process some of your awful feelings of fear at this very difficult time. This period just after diagnosis will be the worst part of the journey, I assure you of that, and it will feel more possible and in control as the days tick by.

https://www.kcuk.org.uk/