cannot cope with responsibility

[helenclaire]

Hi, I have just looked after my friends two year old child, only had her for about 1.5 hours but for most of the time i felt really lightheaded and worried i was going to pass out, leaving her on her own. I get the same thing when driving i worry i will pass out at the wheel and cause an accident. I am not too bad on my own as i am only responsible for myself. My friend wants me to look after her again, i do not want to say no, but i am already worrying about it.
How do i get over this fear.
I want to help out people when i can but i feel useless. I worry about the future and what will happen when i have grandchildren, as i would love to be able to care for them, but am worried i wont be able to.
love Helen

[mirry]

hi helenclaire , well I can totally understand what you are going thru with this , I too get like this with responsibility and its awful isnt it.
When my mother in law dropped her 2 foster children aged 1 and 2 at my house for me to look after , I nearly passed out with worry, I had my 9 year old daughter funning after them cos I felt to scared to move .
I really belive it comes from lack of confidence in ourself which is quite sad,
but once i had them for 2 hours I started to feel better.

Maybe you will too ? but if it really too much for you then you must tell your friend how you feel or make up some excuse .

forgot to ask , do you generally suffer with dizzy problems ? or only when stressed ?

[Alabasterlyn]

Hi Helen, I think Mirry is right, it is so often down to our lack of confidence. I am not very good at all when visitors come over when I am on my own, even with my own mother.

However I love having my granddaughter over, even though she is only 5 1/2wks old and I find that I get so wrapped up in her that I don't even think about being anxious. So please don't worry about how you will feel when you are a grandmother as it really is a totally different feeling to anything you could possibly imagine.

I'm not sure how I would feel if a friend asked me to look after a 2yr old, especially if it was going to be on a regular basis. I am sure you would actually be fine and that the more you did it and found that you were okay the more relaxed you would be about it. However if you are really worried I would take Mirry's advice and find an excuse to not do it or just be honest and explain about how your anxiety makes you feel. If she is a true friend she will understand.

[helenclaire]

Thanks for your replies, i suffer from the lightheadedness whenever i am in a difficult situation or am worrying about something.
I would like to explain to my friend, but then i would feel like i was letting myself down as well as my friend if i gave into it. As for lack of confidence you have totally hit the nail on the head.
I have always been shy and kept myself to myself but since the anxiety set in, it is a lot worse and now i avoid people as much as possible, i do not like saying no to people and so find myself in situations i do not want to be in.I would love to be more assertive but i feel people wont like me if i am.
I guess its one of those vicious circles.
best wishes Helen

[happyone]

Hi,
responsinility make sme feel ill hun. Not ideal when you are a mother of two!
The best I can suggest is reading 'Feel the fear and do it anyway' or simply just doinfg that.
Try to take comfort from knowing you have done it, you were ok and you will be again.

Happyone
xx

[michellemumof4]

hi Hope this helps but it is acutally very unlikely you will ever pass out as a result of anxiety , when we pass out its as a result of our blood pressure suddenly droppin or NOT eating for a number of days , with anxiety when we panic our blood pressure rises therefore it is pratically impossible to faint or pass out , the dizzeness you describe is probably as a result of the blood pressure rising or you sugar levels droppin as a result of panic, if you were to take some slow deep breaths or even drink a little sugary drink you would feel better
hope that helped
michelle xxx

[woofytalk]

hey.

happyone had some great advice. When you feel the fear and do it anyway, you overcome your anxiety. This can happen with the smallest of steps. Even if it means, leaving your house, going to the mall, having lunch with someone. The small steps add up. And with every action you take in the face of anxiety, you build up the confidence to know you can handle anything. That was one of the first steps i took to end my panic attacks for good.

-Rachel

[Dying_Swan]

Hello


I think you should just go for it. Personally, if I had kids I'd be more than happy to leave them with an anxious person. We tend to be perfectionists and want to get it all right. I am certain that despite your panicky feelings, you look after this child brilliantly

If you want to look after your friends kid, do it. You might feel anxious to begin with but you will soon forget those feelings and start enjoying your time with kiddo

Good luck xxx

[Bill]

Hello Helenclaire,

There is one word you've used 5 times in a different form in your post- WORRY. Worry is what actually Causes your panic.

What happens is one day for whatever reason, we experience a panic attack. If we could forget it happened, it probably wouldn't happen again but because it scares us so much, we Worry about it happening again. The more we worry, the more we start breathing quickly and so bring on our attacks.

The ONLY difference between someone who goes shopping without a problem and someone who experiences a panic attack whilst shopping, is that the person who goes without a problem has never had an attack to worry about so all they think about is what shopping they need.

The way to get better is to learn that there's nothing to fear from an attack, and then it won't happen Because you won't be Worrying about it happening.