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Thread: HOCD: is it a legit thing and how do I cope?

  1. #1

    Question HOCD: is it a legit thing and how do I cope?

    A youtuber I like recently made one of those coming-out videos saying she was a lesbian despite previously thinking she was attracted to men. And for some reason it's just sent me into an anxiety spiral that I could be in the same situation without even realizing it.

    Like, I'm positive I like men. All of my romantic/sexual crushes have been on men, and I've only dated men. While I recognize that some women are very attractive, and though I've had platonic "girl crushes," picturing myself having a romantic/sexual relationship with another woman just... doesn't feel right/natural. The times I've tried to "test" and see if I could be attracted to women, I usually pick a random woman and try to force myself to be attracted to her. And it doesn't work. It doesn't feel like "me." But I can't shake this feeling that somehow, beneath all this, is some deep, repressed attraction to women that I've been denying/hiding from myself. I distort every thought/experience I have to build a case for why that must be true, even though I really don't think I like women.

    This feels like a silly thing to worry about, but it's happened to other women, hasn't it? I've known people who thought they were straight and realized that they very much weren't. So needless to say, this is all very stressful. I know deep down what the truth is, but I can't stop checking/reassuring myself that this is all just anxious self-doubt. And I'm so distracted by all of this that I've been neglecting the actual things that I need to do. And there's this guy that I want to go on a date with, and I want to pursue that without worrying that I'm faking it or pretending to be interested or forcing myself to be attracted to him.

    So anyway, if you've experienced something like this, how do you cope?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
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    Re: HOCD: is it a legit thing and how do I cope?

    There is an excellent thread here by someone with OCD who has experienced this and it actually LGBT+:

    https://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showth...ective-on-HOCD

    I think you have to be careful with stories of people changing their sexual preferences after many years. It tends to be uncommon compared to those who knew what they always were. I suspect much is left out in these stories about the person always being a bit unsure or open to same sex relationships yet never exploring them.

    However, you know this is about anxiety. You need to work on acceptance of this and who you know you are. The subconscious slipping in doubts is no different to it saying "are you sure you don't want to buy that more expensive item" just about an issue closer to your beliefs hence it causing you anxiety. But the subconscious is always popping out thoughts and we usually dismiss them as they are trivial e.g. do we need more milk when walking around the supermarket. The key is to react in a similar 'meh' manner so these thoughts don't bother you.
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  3. #3

    Re: HOCD: is it a legit thing and how do I cope?

    Thank you so much for the link to the thread, it was a great read and really helps put everything in perspective.

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