Worried about lymphoma

[O_O]

Who'd want HA?! Although I guess I do want to be prepared. I know how devastating it is to be hit with bad news out of the blue. It's better to be ready.

Of course, ideally, I don't want it to be cancer. But also I kind of want to be ok with it being cancer. One day, whether now or later, I will get ill and die. I don't want to be scared of that.

If my consultant had no concerns I'm not sure why he arranged a follow up appointment?

[pulisa]

Probably just a routine follow up to check ? I'm sure he would have explained this to you at your last appointment?

[NotDeadYet]

I have a bad feeling about Gloucester Hospital where I went for my first appointment. I felt like I was going to die then and there. When I went to Cheltenham Hospital for my biopsy, I felt pretty much fine. My follow up is at Cheltenham again and I think that because the nodes are still there he'll want to remove them - particularly the weird looking one. And he'll send me to Gloucester for that. Then I'll walk up the stairs at Gloucester for my results appointment, and sign in, and sit in that waiting room where I had that awful feeling. And that might be when they tell me.

I know how devastating it is to be hit with bad news out of the blue. It's better to be ready.
Of course, ideally, I don't want it to be cancer. But also I kind of want to be ok with it being cancer.

I want to address both of these statements. I lived through my lymph node anxiety with thoughts incredibly similar to these two and they are very faulty and damaging to your mental health. At one point, I sat in a parking lot eating fast food and could see my GP's office. I had this feeling that it would be in that very building where I would find out that I had lymphoma. I was so confident that this was a "premonition" or a way to prepare myself for the worst that I held on to that thought and its inevitability. Guess what? That thought came three years ago this July and it never came to pass. I wasted so much time dwelling on this thought for no good reason.

Additionally, clinical research psychologist Brene Brown has done research on the thinking related to the second statement I've quoted. She has found that people who dwell upon scary or foreboding thoughts in order to prepare themselves for something scare or foreboding were no better prepared for when the actual thing happened. Many people reported regret for wasting time on such thoughts. The best remedy for these is to separate these thoughts from reality. The actual reality is that your consultant literally told you he had no concerns. Anything else you think or feel are simply thoughts and feelings, not reality.

Lymphoma worries such as your own are scary and so difficult for someone with HA. Keep your appointment because that is essential to working through HA regardless of the medical outcome.

Best Wishes.

[O_O]

Probably just a routine follow up to check ? I'm sure he would have explained this to you at your last appointment?

Not gonna lie I was off my tits on diazepam at that appointment.

However, what he said in the letter was that he's arranged a follow up "given the slightly odd appearance of the node". So he seems to not like it, even though the biopsy was clear and he literally did say to me "more than 99% sure" it's not cancer.

Unless that was a diazepam dream.

[O_O]

I want to address both of these statements. I lived through my lymph node anxiety with thoughts incredibly similar to these two and they are very faulty and damaging to your mental health. At one point, I sat in a parking lot eating fast food and could see my GP's office. I had this feeling that it would be in that very building where I would find out that I had lymphoma. I was so confident that this was a "premonition" or a way to prepare myself for the worst that I held on to that thought and its inevitability. Guess what? That thought came three years ago this July and it never came to pass. I wasted so much time dwelling on this thought for no good reason.

Additionally, clinical research psychologist Brene Brown has done research on the thinking related to the second statement I've quoted. She has found that people who dwell upon scary or foreboding thoughts in order to prepare themselves for something scare or foreboding were no better prepared for when the actual thing happened. Many people reported regret for wasting time on such thoughts. The best remedy for these is to separate these thoughts from reality. The actual reality is that your consultant literally told you he had no concerns. Anything else you think or feel are simply thoughts and feelings, not reality.

Lymphoma worries such as your own are scary and so difficult for someone with HA. Keep your appointment because that is essential to working through HA regardless of the medical outcome.

Best Wishes.

Thank you for that. That was really interesting to read, and did actually make me feel a bit better. Some of the feelings I get are almost possible to describe, and I feel like I'm the only person who gets them. Nobody seems to describe such feelings with the same intensity and certainty that I feel them. But perhaps other people do get them, too, when their brains are a bit mental like mine. Hopefully it's that.

[utrocket09]

Not gonna lie I was off my tits on diazepam at that appointment.

However, what he said in the letter was that he's arranged a follow up "given the slightly odd appearance of the node". So he seems to not like it, even though the biopsy was clear and he literally did say to me "more than 99% sure" it's not cancer.

Unless that was a diazepam dream.

But if you already had a clear biopsy... what more are you looking for ?

[O_O]

But if you already had a clear biopsy... what more are you looking for ?

Idk... I guess I don't understand why if he were convinced that the biopsy is accurate he would arrange a follow up. Like... why?

[utrocket09]

Idk... I guess I don't understand why if he were convinced that the biopsy is accurate he would arrange a follow up. Like... why?

Because follow ups are not always bad. They are to check in and see how you are.

[O_O]

Because follow ups are not always bad. They are to check in and see how you are.

Coronavirus, though! If it wasn't important he'd have cancelled it. Plus he kept banging on about the "odd appearance". He legit said it about 5 times.

[utrocket09]

Coronavirus, though! If it wasn't important he'd have cancelled it. Plus he kept banging on about the "odd appearance". He legit said it about 5 times.

Again...you are jumping to a conclusion that doesn't exist. You had a clean biopsy. That means no cancer. You can do follows ups via video chat or plain telephone.