High cancer risk worries

[erincassells]

I will start this be prefacing great advice offered from Carys and Wisemonkey on a previous thread. I'm seeing a counselor next week.

The last three or four months I've been on the cusp of waiting for terrible news, ie. cancer, etc..

I'm still not all the way past my current issues and waiting for answers.

I've been researching my risks of BC due to family history, habits in past, etc. and essentially I've found that I'm at a much higher risk for BC and feeling that I'm not so sure after the recent lump found that I'll go back to looking at things as I did.

I understand that treatments are progressively better than years past and there should be hope on the horizon, but I feel now that I'll permanently carry this huge fear of when, not IF.

Will it be an interval cancer that shows up between mammograms, or invasive or unsurviveable?

Disappointed in myself for losing my mental resilience to cope, but after the last few months it's as if a switch was flipped and now my breasts and body are ticking time bombs.

I have dense breast tissue, two benign findings (one via biopsy), erratic hormones/start of peri, used to drink, no kids, moderately early menses, and shoddy health on mom's side.. varied cancer, grandmother and ggrandmother, auto immune. My risk is almost double normal women, no idea on BRCA status.

I just dont know how to get past it...its like a dark cloud now. Not sure what I'm asking for...my anxiety on this feels unmanageable. Even after my mammo and ultrasound three weeks ago I'm wondering what's growing inside me and when it surfaces, will I be able to battle that life altering news?

Pile on guilt of seemingly sounding insensitive to those who have experienced cancer themselves...obviously stronger in their grit and resilience than I.

Just needing to get my fears out.

[Carys]

My risk is almost double normal women

Following on from your last thread - how have you got to the point of establishing you have 'double the risk' ? and what is double the risk ? (stats are often misrepresented by people with HA) because it doesn't look that way to me from what you told me

[erincassells]

I used a National Cancer Institute (.gov site) calculator; essentially most women sit at .8 or .7 whereas mine is 1.2 - 1.4%.

I don't try to read into overall numbers except to me it means I have more or double the indicators for potential than the average woman.

As a rule, I refuse to use Google to lead to non empirically reviewed information that's false or not medically supported. I also would not assume to understand all statistical probabilities, but I do try to stay informed.

[Carys]

...and to me that just means 'marginally' more likelihood. I'm not understanding the stat you quote I'm afraid 'most women sit at .7 %' what does that actually mean ? Perhaps someone can help me out here, anxiety joe and Terry are good with stats and there are a few others who could find flaws in this I know.

Stats are a slippery slope to get started on to be honest, something I found out whilst having my own treatment, they don't mean anything certain and they are neither guarantees or prophecies. I think also, knowing that you have HA, are depressed and desperately scared of 'risk' going onto a site where you calculate 'possible risk' is very ill advised. You are re-enforcing that you have a reason to fear rather than working on boosting your morale. What about all the other factors that reduce likelihood, the healthy lifestyle you have adopted ? What about the fact that if you have '1.2 % chance of breast cancer' (and still I don't understand the stat lol) you could spend your whole life not having breast cancer but worrying about it ?

By the Way - I am really really glad you managed to secure a counsellor from next week, good work.

[erincassells]

Thank you.

From the calculator, it means average women risk factor in my age group is .7% whereas mine was reflected at 1.2%...and your absolutely right on my depressed state and fear letting that information influence me (a cognitive trap of confirmation bias where you pay attention to information that matches your beliefs). I thought research and medically supported information (not Google or Webmd) would give me objective info to help me process and be more rational about my fears, but alas, no. Definitely didn't.

I'm just in a fear loop that I can't find a way to get out of myself right now.

I'm glad I decided to go talk to someone. Heart, mind, body, spirit just can't see past gloom and doom.

[ankietyjoe]

First of all, looking at risk calculators online is just a recipe for mental anguish. There is no possible way they can be even remotely accurate for an individual, outside of the realms of mass statistics. For you, the data is completely meaningless. Researching disease online serves absolutely no purpose other than to eventually support and increase your anxiety. There is absolutely zero chance that doing this research will reassure you, it never does.

Also, 'double the risk' in terms of statistical analysis is also virtually meaningless in this context. If you bought a lottery ticket, you'd accept that you wouldn't win right? If you bought two, you would then have twice the chance of winning....but you still wouldn't win. The anxiety mind however, ONLY see's the word 'double'.

If you want to 'play the numbers', then start a lifestyle that DRAMATICALLY lowers cancer risk across the board. Eat only healthy, whole food. Avoid all processed food. Stop drinking, stop smoking, avoid stress and stop reading about diseases you don't have online. Stress is one of the biggest risk factors for all kinds of diseases, so why increase your stress by convincing yourself you have something you don't have. You are effectively creating a problem that doesn't exist, and destroying your life now worrying about an imaginary situation that might destroy your life in 5 years, 10 years, 20 years down the line. It's absurd, right?

[erincassells]

My rational brain knows you are right, and your perspective makes sense.

For some reason, I've somehow started to cling to this idea that some illness will come for me any day.

I eat mostly clean, fruits and vegetables, I exercise, I dont drink at all nor smoke, but assume that those factors won't make up for past poor habits or scary family history.

Other than starting counseling, I will continue to see ways to improve my fears and anxiety.

Thank you for your perspective on the stats, you were also right in it only fueling my fears.

[WiseMonkey]

If you have multiple female relatives that have died of BC then taking to your Dr about being tested for the BRCA gene would be a good thing to do. You can't diagnose yourself or your BC risk, only a specialist can do this. Please don't dwell on your past habits (eating/drinking etc) as they are of little relevance now. There are people who do all the right things and still get cancer etc, often there is no rhyme nor reason.

You say you have dense breast tissue, there are now 3D mammograms that can see through this, they cost more but are well worth the extra money (if you can afford it). Also the risk of anything nasty cropping up between mammograms is highly unlikely especially if you have a yearly one. My fiance's sister and a g/friend of mine both had small cancers picked up between mammograms, had them removed and were cured.

Benign beast issues don't predispose you to BC and are very common issues with women, so no ticking time bombs there. Also reading numbers isn't very helpful, there are so many variables and only specialists in their field really know.

I know seeing doom and gloom can be a struggle because I suffer from it too in varying degrees. I have a low level anxiety partially due to HA and partially because I have autoimmune issues which bring their own stresses. All you can do is your best ie. by having the yearly check ups/tests, then try and put your mind at ease. Try some counselling for HA and see if it helps your outlook on things/life.
I find that living in 'day tight compartments' helps me, I find things to look forward to in each day and things to be grateful for. Hope this helps x

[ankietyjoe]

I eat mostly clean, fruits and vegetables, I exercise, I dont drink at all nor smoke, but assume that those factors won't make up for past poor habits or scary family history.

Ask yourself why you ignore the positive habits that affect the risk factors and only dwell on the negative historical ones? The evidence that the lifestyle you are leading now makes a massive positive effect on overall health is overwhelming, so why are you ignoring it? Why are you assuming that it won't help, and if so why are you bothering? Deep down you know it makes a difference, and it's just habit that's keeping you in the negative spin cycle.

In terms of family history, genes have to be expressed. Epigenetics explains that a predisposition to a certain disease only means that a lifestyle or environmental trigger needs to be present for that predisposition to have any bearing on your health. People talk about a family history of diabetes for example, almost always ignoring the fact that it's not the diabetes that's passed down, rather the terrible diet choices learned throughout generations.

[erincassells]

Thank you Wisemonkey.

My ggrandmother and great aunt had breast cancer, unsure of age, etc. My grandmother was on chemo for 17 years battling lymphoma and other cancers, unknown if she had BC because she was so sick and they didnt test for it maybe whilst she was battling all else. I met her when I was very young before she passed in her late 50s.

My mom has autoimmune issues and is managing fairly well as of now. I understand the struggles of going to medical tests to determine cause of symptoms as my mom has for years, but things are better for her now then they were years ago. She's truly my hero related to health matters and dealing with things as they come.

Hoping the start of counseling will help me find a better way to cope. Feel like I've turned into a lunatic over the last couple of years with all that's gone on.

I suppose my depression makes me believe a bit that I don't deserve to be happy or healthy which is no good either..every day for a fee years now I've woken up with health related fears.

I'll keep trying to move forward best I can.

Best to you all and to your health.