Marriage counseling from a Christian minister?

[Sunflower318]

So my husband and I have been fighting like crazy. We fight over everything. He works hard to provide for us but other then that hes just non existent. He doesnt spend time with me or the kids, he spends his days in bed watching tv. Or hes off with his friends. He never kisses me or shows any affection unless he wants sex. Which happens maybe once a month these days.
We decided to give marriage counseling a try because we want a divorce. He wont go to a real therapist because they are "worldy" and they cant help us. Hes a super christian and I'm not
I called a free local churches one the only one I got through says that they pull scriptures from the bible and give us direction. I honestly think our issues are bigger then what the bible can fix.
Today we fought over his mother. Like we always do. I hate her. She tells me everytime I see her how the kids are not where they should be. Our 2 year old is in diapers and hes not talking like he should be so I'm not moming right. She invited us all for dinner and then tried to get me to bake a pie and cookies. And I said no because I was watching my 2 year old. Nobody else would. I'm just wondering if anyone has an experience getting help from a minister or priest and if it worked for them.

[Careful1]

I am a Christian and have. A lot of answers can be found in the Bible and the Bible does tell one how a wife should be, how a husband should be and how they should be together but I know all that already and so I found a regular marriage counselor not church based to be more helpful but that is just my opinion.
If your husband wants to go this route it probably wouldn’t hurt to give it a try, that is if you both want to try and save your marriage. If you don’t find it helpful perhaps once you try it his way he will compromise and try it yours.

I wish you guys all the luck (((hugs)))

[Sunflower318]

I know the bible says respect elders and family and all that stuff but the problem is his mother is horrible and I dont want a relationship with her and I dont trust her with my kids. They were horrible to my husband and he still have mental scars from his child hood. I dont even know why he wants to be around them anymore. I mean they should have bern arrested for the abuse they put their kids though. She alone is the catalyst for every fight we have. My husband doesnt see how much it effects me when she says stuff about how the kids are just like him when they are being goofy or smart but what they lack and mess up with is my fault. They look like their dad and blah blah blah. He thinks it's her way of being nice. He doesnt see shes an evil vile woman.

[BlueIris]

Sunflower, I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. It's not fair, and it certainly doesn't sound like love to me. Are your own family supportive? Is there anybody you could speak to at least for your own sake?

Full disclosure: I'm both an atheist and a linguist, and on both counts I'm mistrustful of trying to find magical solutions in a book that was written who knows how long ago and that has gone through so many different translations.

[Careful1]

Mother in laws can certainly be, hmmm, I cant even think of the word I want to use. I had a lot of problems with mine as well but I learned to ignore her.

My husband also has a lot of scars physically and mentally from abuse but at the hands of his father. We have 3 children and have been together going on 25 years. None of it has been easy and it took a lot for me to get him to go therapy on his own and marriage counseling. Sometimes I wondered if it was even worth it, I think there are moments where I still wonder if all the work is worth it if I’m being honest. It’s not easy, I don’t think any marriage is easy though. Some couples can work through their problems and some can not and that’s okay. I know marriage is sacred but I don’t believe people who are unhappy and have tried and failed to make things work should stay together and be miserable for the rest of their lives and I don’t think god would expect that of us either.

Only you know how you feel and what you want. People can offer advise and opinions but none of us have to walk in your shoes. You will have to decide what’s best for you and your children. I can only say, if you love your husband and want your marriage to work you should give counseling a try and if he wants church based counseling and will not be moved, give it a try because you don’t know if it will be beneficial to your marriage unless you try it. If it doesn’t prove fruitful, you suggest trying counseling outside of the church with a professional. If your husband will not go for it and your still unhappy you will have a big decision to make but at least if you ultimately decide to separate from your husband you can do so with a clean conscious knowing that you tried everything to save your marriage.

You can private message me if you ever feel like you need to talk. I know how difficult this all is and sometimes we just need someone that understands and can relate to vent to.

[Sunflower318]

Thank you for responding! We met with a minster today along with his wife and we put alot of our issues out on the table. They actually genuinely seemed to understand where we were both coming from and want to help us. We are going to see them next week. He even gave us homework! I mentioned my anxiety and the wife gave me her number and said I could call her during a bad time and she would talk to me. Who knows, mayne we would even switch to this church and both be happy!