How many of us suffer from loneliness - and why? Poll.

[Ellen70]

Hi everyone.
I experience really bad loneliness, I have felt this way for so long now that I often forget being as lonely as this isn't how everyone feels.
I have very few 'real' relationships in my life i.e. people whom I can talk freely to about my problems. At the moment the only person I can speak to on a deep level is my psychotherapist. Otherwise I have my sister and elderly parents and that is it.
Other contributing factors are that I live alone, I don't work and anxiety and agoraphobia limits my outings a lot.
I do have some internet friends and I value them a lot but mostly for this poll I am talking about 'real' life.
I know depression plays a major role in my own loneliness, and I often wonder how it is possible to stay living when the pain of the depression and loneliness is so bad.

So do others among us have a problem with loneliness and does it affect your life a little or a lot? Also do you know why you feel so lonely?

Thanks all,

Ellen

[margaret911]

I can sit in a room full of people and still feel lonely, I think this is down to my depression.

love Mags

[northern_sky]

Yeah I'm lonely I have my lovely family (parents and siblings) and I am very grateful for that but no one else really. I used to have a lot of net friends but over the years they've faded away.

[LucyR]

Hi Ellen, Yes I can identify with everything you have said in your post, its the same situation I find myself in, feel everyone else is so much more involved with family/friends etc.

[Bill]

These are just my personal thoughts.

I think we are naturally social "animals" so we're all in need of anothers company but because anxiety makes us feel insecure we feel the need more to not be left on our own because we need comfort.

However, I think we feel alone even in a crowd because we feel different and perhaps inferior to others because of our anxiety and so perhaps the loneliness is only filled when we're in the company of others who understand us.

For whatever reason, I was born with a general insecurity and so all my life I've hated my own company even though I'm quite capable of cooking and looking after myself, and I enjoy the spells of quiet! I'm the youngest in our family and by the time I was 12 they'd all left home which I feel also affected me.

I've often wondered if I suffer from monophobia (fear of living alone because of loneliness) or whether it's just that all people need the comfort of another because, if it is a phobia, I've no idea how you conquer it when you could never be happy living alone without comfort and affection that only another could provide? I don't honestly know.

I lost my father 2 years ago this month and now I visit my mother regularly. They were married nearly 60 years and loved each other very much. I've seen my mother in tears but I feel so helpless. I've asked her what to do and she says she knows I care but I can't bring him back. I wish I could for both of us because I feel much more alone without him too. Sometimes I hate leaving my mother knowing that I'm leaving her to be on her own and knowing how I'd feel in her position without even having company. It's sad and yet that's life and she copes ok.

I'm sorry for digressing and being depressing but I guess feeling alone is one thing I've not mastered yet and perhaps never will.

[delta]

I'm lonely, my family are great (hubby and kids) but apart from them I have no one else, my parents aren't interested in me, nor is my brother and over the years I have lost touch with all my friends too.

[Ellen70]

Thanks everyone for your votes and posts.

I really empathise a lot with what you say Bill. I do believe being alone for long periods is bad for the mind and the spirit but depression is a cruel disease. Though I know in my head I would feel a little better if I got out of bed and went and visited my sister or parents for a few hours, I feel like I am superglued to that bed. The depression makes me yearn to be alone, even though being so makes me acutely unhappy.

I also worry about my parents' passing as they are nearly eighty, I can't even bear to think about when the time comes.

We all came into this world alone and will leave it alone, even if we are lucky enough to have people who really care for us. Often I wish there was a way that I could allow someone into my mind to share the burden of all the scarey thoughts as we are all alone in our minds.

I was surprised to see that there are people who voted that they feel lonely a lot of the time but that they can deal with it? Could someone who ticked this option share with us how they deal with the loneliness? Thank you.

Ellen

[Bill]

Hello Ellen,

The way I deal with loneliness is by trying to keep my mind occupied with other things. I guess that's probably one reason I post on here because it helps me to try and help others, if you see what I mean, so I don't focus on my own feelings.

If I start thinking too much about the future without my mother, it scares me so I try not to by keeping occupied with nice things!

I don't know any other way. What will be, will be!

Ellen, try to resist the urge to stay in bed. None of us are Actually alone even though we feel it because there ARE people who understand how we feel such as those on here.

[pgw84]

I'm also a person who feels lonely most of the time, even if I'm surrounded by people. I find I want to be on my own and left to my own devices, but I also feel lonely, I can't have it both ways. I have a few friends left, but I'm never bothered about seeing them or talking to them much.

[darkangel]

Ellen I am one who ticked the box lonely some time but deal with it.

For years I felt really lonely even though I had people around me. I wanted them then I would push them away if they were in my space - i didnt know what I wanted.

I started to enjoy my own company and am quite content just being on my own at times. I read Louise L Hays book, The Power is Within You and have accepted that healing comes from within and Ive began to spend time on doing things just for me and am now not scared of being alone. I never thought I could ever say I would find inner peace but I have, its taken a long time but it will come if you allow it.

I think its about getting the balance that suits you - at this moment. In time this may change.

Luv Darkangel x