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  1. #61
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
    Posts
    2,535

    Re: Abuse and anxiety

    Oh love, I am so proud of you for leaving. You did the best thing for you, you are really so brave. Please call refuge anyway, I bet theyíve heard all level of abuse stories. All of us here think that itís pretty serious even if you donít. You deserve to hear advice from people who can really understand and help.
    So pleased that you have your family to help.

  2. #62
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Posts
    162

    Re: Abuse and anxiety

    Quote Originally Posted by LF87 View Post
    I have come to my parents and arranged with my brother to collect my stuff tomorrow. I just feel so sad and lost without him. Even now I feel so upset and only left a few hours ago.
    It is absolutely normal that you feel upset. It was a long relationship, but in the end, it got too toxic for you to stay. I think you can feel very proud that despite your anxiety you took very good care of yourself, and you took steps to save yourself. You are strong! Despite of what your anxiety might tell you.
    I know I probably sound like a broken record to you, but I think you should call the helpline I mentioned before now, or just call Samaritans. Just give it a shot. If you dont like it you can always hang up. I think you need to talk to someone who understands how you feel. Maybe they will give you good tips on how to feel better in the next few days after you moved?

    Quote Originally Posted by LF87 View Post
    My partner has never shown any, and I mean any remorse for what he does. He just says ah sorry, I know I shouldn't but you do just wind me up. Then does the same again.
    Typical abuser will always blame the victim. I'm glad you know you are not responsible for his actions.

    Quote Originally Posted by LF87 View Post
    I hope to stay strong and not go back. The problem arises when I have anxiety about my health, and my first calling point for reassurance is him, and that happens most if not every day.
    This is a safety behaviour, and it can be replaced with a healthier attitude. Im sure of that as it's my experience speaking here. :-) In the meantime, could you explain the situation to your brother, or someone else you could temporarily lean on until you get to therapy?

    And again, I am relieved that you decided to stay at your parents now. YOU DID SO WELL TODAY!!!

    Sent from my SM-G960F using Tapatalk

  3. #63
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Posts
    20,740

    Re: Abuse and anxiety

    Quote Originally Posted by LF87 View Post
    I hope to stay strong and not go back. The problem arises when I have anxiety about my health, and my first calling point for reassurance is him, and that happens most if not every day.
    I don't typically encourage posting for reassurance but in this case, make the forum your first call Ok? if you call him, he'll manipulate you into returning and its just too dangerous to do so.

    Positive thoughts
    __________________
    "Eat. Drink. Enjoy the work you do. Be thankful for the blessings God gives you in this life. Live, love and seek out the things that bring your heart joy. The rest is meaningless... Like chasing the wind." King Solomon

    The best help is the help you give yourself! http://cbt4panic.org/

  4. #64
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Posts
    1,579

    Re: Abuse and anxiety

    Well done for getting out. You've taken a huge step which takes an awful lot of courage. It will take more courage to stay away and not go back, and it might really help to contact Refuge and/or Women's Aid to get some ongoing support, as well as reporting it to the police. Please don't think you aren't deserving of help because others have it "worse". From what you've said, he has been repeatedly abusive and you've been through a lot. Don't be afraid to take the help that is there. You are worthy and you deserve support, whatever he might have told you. Once again, well done for getting away
    __________________
    'If you're going through hell, keep going' (Winston Churchill)

  5. #65
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Posts
    23,869

    Re: Abuse and anxiety

    Well done!

    I agree with above about safety behaviours. By their nature they are false friends but that's how fear works in that it builds a dependence to keep you safe. To recover you always have to address this and it's like putting your hand in a fire because your subconscious is screaming to not to do it.

    It also concerns me that such an angry man is into combat sports. He has skills and the power to do some serious damage to you. He shouldn't be anywhere near such training.
    __________________
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    For free Mindfulness resources, please see this thread I have created to compile many sources together http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=168689

  6. #66
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Posts
    3,471

    Re: Abuse and anxiety

    Massive well done, you have 100% done the right thing.

    Remember this place is here to support you now, not him. NMP and your family will get you through the next couple of months.

  7. #67
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Posts
    162

    Re: Abuse and anxiety

    And indeed, as fishmanpa mentioned, close any accounts you have together. Remotely log off of any devices you may still share with him, and change all your passwords. Just as a precaution.

    Sent from my SM-G960F using Tapatalk

  8. #68
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Posts
    162

    Re: Abuse and anxiety

    How are you doing today? Did you manage to ease you anxiety a little?

    Sent from my SM-G960F using Tapatalk

  9. #69
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Posts
    970

    Re: Abuse and anxiety

    Thank you guys for these messages. When I left the other day I left my phone charger and had no phone for a few days so couldnt get online. He came over yesterday to bring my charger and ended up in an altercation with my dad, who is 72, throwing a TV remote at him and charging towards him as if he was gonna hit him. I managed to pull him away and he left , but he came back later apologising and for some god unknown reason I have come back to the house with him. I am weak, I had been throwing up a lot the last few days from all the anxiety I think, and as this is a huge fear of mine, the thought of comfort has brought me back here. I do plan to leave him. I don't want this relationship anymore. But it seems I dont have the strength to do it at the moment xx

  10. #70
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Posts
    1,579

    Re: Abuse and anxiety

    Please, please get some help from Women's Aid or Refuge. There are things they can help with, like safety planning, if you don't feel ready to leave yet.
    __________________
    'If you're going through hell, keep going' (Winston Churchill)

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