Abuse and anxiety

[Scass]

Oh love, I am so proud of you for leaving. You did the best thing for you, you are really so brave. Please call refuge anyway, I bet they’ve heard all level of abuse stories. All of us here think that it’s pretty serious even if you don’t. You deserve to hear advice from people who can really understand and help.
So pleased that you have your family to help.

[Iwant2bhealthy]

I have come to my parents and arranged with my brother to collect my stuff tomorrow. I just feel so sad and lost without him. Even now I feel so upset and only left a few hours ago.

It is absolutely normal that you feel upset. It was a long relationship, but in the end, it got too toxic for you to stay. I think you can feel very proud that despite your anxiety you took very good care of yourself, and you took steps to save yourself. You are strong! Despite of what your anxiety might tell you.
I know I probably sound like a broken record to you, but I think you should call the helpline I mentioned before now, or just call Samaritans. Just give it a shot. If you dont like it you can always hang up. I think you need to talk to someone who understands how you feel. Maybe they will give you good tips on how to feel better in the next few days after you moved?

My partner has never shown any, and I mean any remorse for what he does. He just says ah sorry, I know I shouldn't but you do just wind me up. Then does the same again.

Typical abuser will always blame the victim. I'm glad you know you are not responsible for his actions.

I hope to stay strong and not go back. The problem arises when I have anxiety about my health, and my first calling point for reassurance is him, and that happens most if not every day.

This is a safety behaviour, and it can be replaced with a healthier attitude. Im sure of that as it's my experience speaking here. :-) In the meantime, could you explain the situation to your brother, or someone else you could temporarily lean on until you get to therapy?

And again, I am relieved that you decided to stay at your parents now. YOU DID SO WELL TODAY!!!

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[Fishmanpa]

I hope to stay strong and not go back. The problem arises when I have anxiety about my health, and my first calling point for reassurance is him, and that happens most if not every day.

I don't typically encourage posting for reassurance but in this case, make the forum your first call Ok? if you call him, he'll manipulate you into returning and its just too dangerous to do so.

Positive thoughts

[Dying_Swan]

Well done for getting out. You've taken a huge step which takes an awful lot of courage. It will take more courage to stay away and not go back, and it might really help to contact Refuge and/or Women's Aid to get some ongoing support, as well as reporting it to the police. Please don't think you aren't deserving of help because others have it "worse". From what you've said, he has been repeatedly abusive and you've been through a lot. Don't be afraid to take the help that is there. You are worthy and you deserve support, whatever he might have told you. Once again, well done for getting away

[MyNameIsTerry]

Well done!

I agree with above about safety behaviours. By their nature they are false friends but that's how fear works in that it builds a dependence to keep you safe. To recover you always have to address this and it's like putting your hand in a fire because your subconscious is screaming to not to do it.

It also concerns me that such an angry man is into combat sports. He has skills and the power to do some serious damage to you. He shouldn't be anywhere near such training.

[ankietyjoe]

Massive well done, you have 100% done the right thing.

Remember this place is here to support you now, not him. NMP and your family will get you through the next couple of months.

[Iwant2bhealthy]

And indeed, as fishmanpa mentioned, close any accounts you have together. Remotely log off of any devices you may still share with him, and change all your passwords. Just as a precaution.

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[Iwant2bhealthy]

How are you doing today? Did you manage to ease you anxiety a little?

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[LF87]

Thank you guys for these messages. When I left the other day I left my phone charger and had no phone for a few days so couldnt get online. He came over yesterday to bring my charger and ended up in an altercation with my dad, who is 72, throwing a TV remote at him and charging towards him as if he was gonna hit him. I managed to pull him away and he left , but he came back later apologising and for some god unknown reason I have come back to the house with him. I am weak, I had been throwing up a lot the last few days from all the anxiety I think, and as this is a huge fear of mine, the thought of comfort has brought me back here. I do plan to leave him. I don't want this relationship anymore. But it seems I dont have the strength to do it at the moment xx

[Dying_Swan]

Please, please get some help from Women's Aid or Refuge. There are things they can help with, like safety planning, if you don't feel ready to leave yet.