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  1. #21
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
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    971

    Re: Abuse and anxiety

    Yeah definitely. Its weird, sometimes hes really sorry and wont happen again and others hes like give over man it wasnt even bad. That is concerning on its own , that someone doesn't even recognise their own abusive behaviour

  2. #22
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Posts
    3,602

    Re: Abuse and anxiety

    Exactly what you don't need in your life.

  3. #23
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    Aug 2013
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    20,797

    Re: Abuse and anxiety

    Quote Originally Posted by LF87 View Post
    Yeah definitely. Its weird, sometimes hes really sorry and wont happen again and others hes like give over man it wasnt even bad. That is concerning on its own , that someone doesn't even recognise their own abusive behaviour
    It's interesting in that I've compared anxiety with co-dependent abusive relationship and here you are with anxiety and IMO, based on your comments and how you almost defend him and make excuses for him, are in a co-dependent abusive relationship. LF, I'll say it again, its bad enough he mentally abuses you but to physically even raise a hand? NOPE! GET OUT ASAP! Cut all ties, get a restraining order if necessary and get the heck away from him!

    Positive thoughts
    __________________
    "Eat. Drink. Enjoy the work you do. Be thankful for the blessings God gives you in this life. Live, love and seek out the things that bring your heart joy. The rest is meaningless... Like chasing the wind." King Solomon

    The best help is the help you give yourself! http://cbt4panic.org/

  4. #24
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Posts
    971

    Re: Abuse and anxiety

    Yeah, if I really boil down why I am still with him I think it is because I feel dependent on him to help with my problems. I feel scared to be on my own. But It is hard to call because he does have any of those hallmark abuser traits in terms of trying to control me or stop me seeing people, or being jealous or possessive. Nothing like that. He just has a really bad temper, which he has also been in trouble with his own family for, shouting and being aggressive, and had a physical fight with his own brother. The physical side of it has got worse since he stopped going to his boxing gym and started with this smoking cannabis. And the house move and money. It all seems to have snowballed into the unkind aggressive person he is being now.

    And reading that back I do sound defensive of him and I dont know why. It's not defensible. Before Christmas I found him in our house with another woman. And he was so furious/hysterical, I dont even know the word, he took me outside and hit me in the face a few times and kicked me out and let her stay. I can't tell anyone that, I said it was an accident but it wasnt. I had two black eyes over Christmas, the police were involved. But I didn't want to take it any further so nothing came of it. And I just forgave him. Like the same day I let him come to my parents house and apologise. And when I think why on earth am I forgiving him!? Its because I felt so lonely and anxious sat at my parents by myself. So immediately let him back in so he could make me feel better. That isnt normal? That is however the only time he has ever hit me in the face. He says it was alcohol but, it was quite unbelievable that he did it.

  5. #25
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Posts
    3,602

    Re: Abuse and anxiety

    Quote Originally Posted by LF87 View Post

    And reading that back I do sound defensive of him and I dont know why. It's not defensible. Before Christmas I found him in our house with another woman. And he was so furious/hysterical, I dont even know the word, he took me outside and hit me in the face a few times and kicked me out and let her stay. I can't tell anyone that, I said it was an accident but it wasnt. I had two black eyes over Christmas, the police were involved. But I didn't want to take it any further so nothing came of it. And I just forgave him.
    You are worth more than this. Please, please leave as soon as possible.

    If I can help in any way, let me know. It's an empty offer in reality, but whatever I can do. Start over, you will be happier I promise.

  6. #26
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Posts
    971

    Re: Abuse and anxiety

    Thank you Joe I appreciate that. I'm glad I can post here about it too, feel a bit lighter X

  7. #27
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Posts
    164

    Re: Abuse and anxiety

    Quote Originally Posted by LF87 View Post
    (...)He just has a really bad temper (...)

    And reading that back I do sound defensive of him and I dont know why.
    No. It's not bad temper when you punch/push/slap your partner or call them names. I think you didnt tell anyone because you feel ashamed. And you shouldn't be. It's he who should be ashamed of himself. You are not responsible for his behaviour. I learned that shame is the kind of feeling that disappears if you say: "I'm so ashamed to admit it, but....".

    You still defend him because he made you dependent by destroying your self-esteem with emotional and physical violence. The first always precedes the second. Experienced abuser will only hit you when he knows he can get away with it.

    Quote Originally Posted by LF87 View Post
    I found him in our house with another woman. (...) he took me outside and hit me in the face a few times and kicked me out and let her stay.
    If this would happen to a friend or family member, what would you advise them to do? Be your own friend, and take your own advice. Go to the police. If you dont want make a statement it's ok. Just ask them to give you somej information for domestic abuse victims. They will know who to call to help.

    Quote Originally Posted by LF87 View Post
    I can't tell anyone that, I said it was an accident but it wasnt.
    You really, really should. Even if you call Samaritans or another line like this.

    Quote Originally Posted by LF87 View Post
    That is however the only time he has ever hit me in the face.
    And that makes it ok? Wherever you think your limits lay I can guarantee you that your abusive partner will move them further and further. If a friend steals your wallet and then slaps you in the face when you confront them about it, would you also excuse them because it happened once?

    Sent from my SM-G960F using Tapatalk

  8. #28
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
    Posts
    2,555

    Re: Abuse and anxiety

    Iím so sorry that youíre going through this.
    The way he is treating you is so wrong, itís abuse of course.
    Have you thought about contacting womanís aid? They might be able to offer some good practical advice and support to help you make the move.

  9. #29
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Posts
    164

    Re: Abuse and anxiety

    https://www.lifehacker.com.au/2014/1...-relationship/



    Sent from my SM-G960F using Tapatalk

  10. #30
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Posts
    971

    Re: Abuse and anxiety

    Thank you so much for these replies. 2bHealthy - I found that link really helpful, thank you. He threw something at me again the other day, I went to my parents for a while but am back here again, hoping it was the last. I have taken everyone's advice though and started speaking to my close friends and trying to detach myself emotionally/mentally from him as that's what is keeping me here. A fear of dealing with my anxiety alone is why I am here and it's taken a while to break this down to myself. He is a liar, an abuser, a cheat, he has no respect or anything I want in a partner anymore. I just need to take the leap and get my stuff out of here

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