Why I Started Citalopram: After a long period of stress and ignoring my mental and physical health, I had a breakdown that presented in the form of an absolutely devastating panic attack. The symptoms were more than I could handle, nothing like my previous anxiety, and they continued to come for days. I'd dealt with anxiety, agoraphobia, social phobia and depression for a long time prior and though I was coping well. I wasn't.

My doctor had prescribed Cit to me 6 months prior when I burst out crying in her office, but I was absolutely against SSRI's at the time. I thought "I'm not that bad that I need medication", and I had also heard all kinds of horror stories about them. After the panic developed I had no choice but to try them. Nothing could have been worse than what I was already feeling.

Length of treatment: 2 years, 6 months.

Did they work?: They did. The first 6 weeks were incredibly difficult. I had all of the side effects including increased anxiety that I thought would never end. But it did.

They have helped me learn a lot about myself and work on thought patterns that lead to depression and anxiety. I didn't actually realise how depressed I was until Cit. My internal monologue was incredibly negative.

Overall I'm positive about my Citalopram experience but it's time to move on.

Why I'm quitting: Citalopram has served me well, but lately I've been feeling like they're no longer effective for my anxiety. I've been experiencing panic attacks during specific points in my cycle, and what gets me through is CBT, friends, distraction and meditation. Not the Cit.

I also have some lingering side effects that I'm getting tired of. Including emotional blunting; feeling "trapped" in my head; obsessive existential thoughts; my spiritual side is currently non existent. Not that I was ever deeply spiritual or religious, but there's a deeper part of the life experience that I feel cut off from; I have no life goals. Nothing seems worth the effort, and I feel absolutely fine with that. But I don't want to be fine with it. I always dreamed big and would like to get back to that; I'm sleeping too much.

Starting dosage: I began on 10mg for the first 3 months of treatment, moving up to 20mg. The increase immediately worked. I felt lifted, happier. Great. I've been on 20mg since then.

Taper method: After a lot of research I believe the 10% reduction method will work best for me. I wanted to wait until winter was almost over so I have plenty of opportunity to get outside while dealing with any potential side effects. I haven't spoken to my GP about my plans yet but will mention it next time I'm there. I have lots of support around me, my GP's number, Samaritans etc. I'm prepared and ready

I'm tapering by cutting up my 20mg pill in to one half, one quarter, and an eighth. I'm aware this isn't the most accurate method but it will have to do for now. If I start to feel bad from this I'll change my method.


Here are my first 4 entries on 18mg:

Day 1: My head feels ever so slightly less foggy. I can think slightly more clearly. I had a burst of energy this evening when I usually would be knocked out by the pills.

Day 2: Weird dreams have started. Not scary, but just very active and unusual. Minor ice pick headaches. Sleeping feels really good atm, even with the crazy dreams.

Day 3: Weird active dreams again; An apple eating itself... Not sure if it's symbolic or just random

Colours seem richer. Twice I noticed every day items seem to pop with colour.

Day 4: A moment of strong anxiety this evening. Very brief. I felt absolutely in control though. Libido seems to be returning in nano second bursts. Overall, still feeling good.