Is it possible to feel ‘normal’ again with health anxiety?

[Rebecca10]

Hi
I’ve been on this forum for many years although over the past few months I thought I’d been ok. Had health anxiety since I was around 18 (I’m 32 now) but just this last week I feel like I’m experiencing the worst episode I’ve ever had.

I completed cbt last year and I thought it helped a little - although at the time of cbt nothing in particular was bothering me.

Now this past week I found a little lump down below that had been sitting there a while although I didn’t ever really think of it as a lump I just thought it was part of the skin. Suddenly started freaking out about it and went to the doctor who said it’s a little cyst. I’ve now made it worse by prodding at it which I know is stupid..

Anyway this episode seems to have brought about a whole range of other health anxieties that I’ve had over the years in particular checking my skin constantly which inevitably leads me to find something. And just being on edge constantly about the future.

I really don’t know what else to do other than go back to the doctors and ask for some medication because I just can’t function and I’ve taken time off work this week - I just don’t feel ‘normal’ at all and I don’t want to do anything fun because I’m obsessed with what the future might hold (And in my view it’s just doom and gloom) I keep bursting into tears and I only look forward to going to sleep at night. Anything health related in the news scares me to death because it’s nearly always the one thing I’m worrying about.

I just want to be able to live in the moment and not worry about the future but I find it impossible- like there’s not much point in doing certain things incase I end up dead in a few years?! I know that’s absolutely ridiculous when I type it but I can’t get that into my head.

I keep trying to think back to cbt and what I learned about not obsessively checking my body as it just makes it worse but I just can’t seem to do that.
Do most people on here take medication? Does it help?

[Allochka]

Yes, it is absolutely possible to feel better!
I went on meds and was normal and happy for 2,5 years without side effects. Just being normal me.
this summer I stupidly went off meds, and in several months HA returned with vengeance
now I’m back on medication and start feeling myself again
So it does help for sure! You shouldn’t be afraid to try. It takes time to find the right med combo, and then for meds to kick in (a month to kick in in my case). Then some minor sid3 effects are possible, which usually go away. For me it was extreme night sweating for another month.
But then everything settles and you have a great chance to become “normal” you again!
For some it is very hard to find a right combo. But you’d never know until you try.
also it could be unnecessary to stay on meds long-term for some. Just in the start of CBT, to calm down enough to concentrate on therapy.
At the moment I’ll stick to meds for 3-4 years at least. One pill in the morning - and its a different life. I don’t mean you become artificially, unnaturally calm and happy. No, you simply become just like non-hypochondriac - health scares do appear, but you are able to deal with them logically and reasonably, like non-HA person. For me its a game-changer!

[ankietyjoe]

Yes, it's possible to feel normal again and recover from HA.

I never wanted to take medication, and found that it took me about 6 months to fully recover from HA checking and googling habits. You just have to persist with not doing them until the habit of checking becomes the habit of not checking.

[ToasterOvens]

I had extremely bad health anxiety starting at 24. I have multiple accounts on this forum from the past where I would ask questions about so many horrible diseases. I've been to PCPs and Urgent Cares 50+ times. Emergency room 5 times in a month before. Been to an Oncologist. All because of anxiety. I've had almost every medical test you can think of. Once called off work for a week because I couldn't get myself off the couch because I was so anxious.

That was not a great time at all.

I probably haven't had any real major anxiety in 2 years. Had a few things that got me to that point and have kept me going. I read a few books that put the chances of having bad diseases into perspective. I went to CBT for a while. It helped a little. A psychologist helped me even more. He kind of noted that my anxiety might be related to my upbringing and my lifestyle. I started forcing myself to do things around the house when anxious. Forced myself to see friends. Dieted a bit. Still had anxiety with friends but would challenge myself to not worry for an hour and stuff like that.

I get a normal amount of anxious right now. Nothing that is ruining my life. My girlfriend/now wife has stayed with me through it all and said that I'm happier now than when she met me at 19.

You can do it. Hope this helped a little.

[Rebecca10]

Thank you all for your replies 😃

I’ve been off work all week so I saw the doctor (luckily they had an appointment this morning) and was prescribed sertraline which I’m a bit unsure about taking but I’m not sure I have a choice..I would prefer to go down a more natural route but I think my thoughts/fears are too strong.

I’ve been a total mess this last week, every single symptom is something bad and just not being able to shake this obsession with the future and the ‘what ifs’ is driving me insane. Also I can’t keep taking time off work every time I get a bit obsessive over something.

ToasterOvens- Thanks for your reply and sorry you went through so much with HA too. Can you recommend any of the books you read?

Anxiety joe - thank you. This is something I was told in cbt to reduce the checking but I just find it so difficult. Everyday I have a shower and I always find myself checking my body before dressing like it’s the norm for me now. I didn’t used to do this a few years ago but it’s become an obsession.

I’m ok with not googling - occasionally I do but I tend to be more careful with the way I word things If I do google so it doesn’t bring up all the horrible stuff I don’t want to see but my main issue is definitely checking my body.

[ToasterOvens]

They might not help you specifically. They might even trigger more anxiety.

It's Not All In Your Head - This one is specifically for anxiety. All of the examples are health anxiety related. It was one of my favorites. I don't recall anything that would trigger HA in here.
Know Your Chances - This one has nothing to do with anxiety. It helps you understand how to read health statistics. Helps put things in perspective. Could be triggering if statistics aren't your thing.

There's books on overdiagnosis too that I liked. Can't remember the name. They helped me a bunch by showing that some diseases aren't bad in certain situations and that jumping to the worst case scenario might hurt you. For example... prostate cancer in men may never progress to a stage where you need to worry. But too much anxiety will cause you to get a surgery you probably don't need.

As for your comment on medication... I took Ativan for major flare ups. I tried just about every SSRI. Remeron was the best for me, but too much weight gain. When I went to a psychologist and genuinely started to feel "normal" again I was not on medication.

I know I can't tell you to stop checking... but try for a short period of time. I did this as a bit of a game. I was in the bathroom for hours before checking on lumps and moles. I told myself I wouldn't for an hour and judged how I felt for that hour. Just kept increasing the length of time I wouldn't check.

Also not sure if this helps, but I had anxiety for a similar period of time and I'm just about the same age as you. So this isn't something that is embedded in who you are.

[ankietyjoe]

I know I can't tell you to stop checking... but try for a short period of time. I did this as a bit of a game. I was in the bathroom for hours before checking on lumps and moles. I told myself I wouldn't for an hour and judged how I felt for that hour. Just kept increasing the length of time I wouldn't check.

This is really good advice in my opinion.

There's no secret to not checking other than to stop doing it. Nobody said it was easy, but that doesn't change the fact that you have to find a way to stop.

It's like wanting to lose weight, but also wanting to eat nothing but cake.

[ToasterOvens]

I've even caused lumps by checking. That was the moment when I knew I needed to do something to stop.

Originally when I started not checking for periods of time or promised I'd only touch a spot 5-10 times before stopping, there was so much discomfort. At first it was unbearable. So much anxiety. But it'd leave in hours, then minutes, then seconds.

These days I just mention it at my next appointment. My doctor made me feel as though I'd know if it were something serious.

[Rebecca10]

Thanks again to both of you for your replies.

I will try to reduce my checking again- I did this whilst having cbt last year as it was one of the tasks I was set - although I still found it hard then, but since the new year I’ve been doing it obsessively again and the annoying thing is I know it doesn’t do anything for me except create more anxiety because I always spot something that I’ve not seen before and then when I’ve gotten over that I’ll move onto the next thing.
I think I’m just scared of missing something and I get anxiety when I see something and I’ve no idea how it got there or how long it’s been there- like I need to be in control or ahead of everything all the time.

Also thanks for the book recommendations I’ll look into those - I definitely need something to distract myself right now 😩

[ankietyjoe]

Smack yourself on the butt when you feel like checking. It seems ridiculous, but you're actually rewiring old responses in the brain by doing something else.

It doesn't HAVE to be that, it can be anything. Each time you feel like checking, do something else. Jump up and down on the spot, say 'nope' out loud, do some sit ups. Anything different.