I have had HA all my life and now I have brain tumor symptoms - I'm scared :(

[FoxTrot123]

Hello, I have been on this board a few times. I have had HA my entire life - just a variation of my generalized anxiety that comes and goes, but the health anxiety is the most debilitating. I feel like THIS current situation has the most actual symptoms that add up to something and that has me shaken to my very core.

About 2 weeks ago I was at work and I had a "garden variety" headache, temples throbbing, very familiar. I took some ibuprofen and it got a lot better, but came back in the evening, and was still there the next morning. It gradually subsided throughout the day, but came back in the evening. Again, mild. Woke up the next morning and it was worse, maybe 5/10 pain scale, but again, subsided by the time I was done with my morning routine. This has been the pattern for the last 2 weeks. Pain gone (maybe a few twinges) during the day, coming back slightly in the evening, then a raging headache by 1 a.m. and I have to take meds in order to get even a little sleep. One night I made it until 6 a.m. before the pain started - I really thought I was on the mend, that night, but unfortunately the pattern just keeps on. The last two nights have been increasingly painful.

Here's the kicker: I also have pulsatile tinnitus. I hear a whooshing sound in my right ear, sometimes high pitch, sometimes low, more like ocean waves, but to the beat of my pulse. It comes and goes. Now, I noticed this phenomena about 3 years ago and spoke to my doctor about it. It was very strange and just came on out of the blue, one day. He told me as long as there were no headaches or other disturbances, it was benign.

But these 2 weeks the tinnitus has been markedly worse. My doctor is concerned enough (I saw him yesterday) to order an MRI with contrast. The tinnitus plus the morning headaches gets you the golden ticket for an MRI. I'm seeing all the ways this can play out in my mind...almost everything ends up with me disabled, or dead, leaving my husband of 28 years without a wife and my almost grown sons without a mother.

I haven't spoken about this with anyone other than my doctor and my husband. My boys would be panicked if they knew their mom was going in for a brain scan to look for a mass or other causes for brain swelling. The waiting is killing me - at this point the anxiety is worse than reality. I think I can be strong to deal with treatments as they are outlined to me, but at the moment I am just a mess. As I type this, my head feels almost back to normal, and it's hard to believe that as the night approaches and I try to get some rest, I turn into a very sick, possibly dying person.

Thank you for reading this, if you made it this far. I could use any support or good wishes you have to offer. I've been through multiple "this will surely kill me" series of diagnoses that all turned up as ANXIETY over something different but not fatal going on with me. This could be the same situation but it's the first one that has been so incredibly disruptive in my life.

Blessings,

Kari

[MothFir]

Hi FoxTrot/Kari, I’m sorry you are going through this right now. I know the waiting only feeds the HA and ruminations, but try not to engage in catastrophic thinking, as I’m sure there are many possible outcomes to your situation that are much more benign than the ones you’re dreading. You can only deal with the problems you know you have, and by talking to your doctor and getting tested it sounds like you’ve done everything you need to for now.

Have you told your doctor how upset and worried you are—not just about this, but other HA episodes too? A good therapist might help you better control your anxiety when you’re facing uncertainties like this. I hope you feel better soon.

[Midnight-mouse]

Hello, I have been on this board a few times. I have had HA my entire life - just a variation of my generalized anxiety that comes and goes, but the health anxiety is the most debilitating. I feel like THIS current situation has the most actual symptoms that add up to something and that has me shaken to my very core.

About 2 weeks ago I was at work and I had a "garden variety" headache, temples throbbing, very familiar. I took some ibuprofen and it got a lot better, but came back in the evening, and was still there the next morning. It gradually subsided throughout the day, but came back in the evening. Again, mild. Woke up the next morning and it was worse, maybe 5/10 pain scale, but again, subsided by the time I was done with my morning routine. This has been the pattern for the last 2 weeks. Pain gone (maybe a few twinges) during the day, coming back slightly in the evening, then a raging headache by 1 a.m. and I have to take meds in order to get even a little sleep. One night I made it until 6 a.m. before the pain started - I really thought I was on the mend, that night, but unfortunately the pattern just keeps on. The last two nights have been increasingly painful.

Here's the kicker: I also have pulsatile tinnitus. I hear a whooshing sound in my right ear, sometimes high pitch, sometimes low, more like ocean waves, but to the beat of my pulse. It comes and goes. Now, I noticed this phenomena about 3 years ago and spoke to my doctor about it. It was very strange and just came on out of the blue, one day. He told me as long as there were no headaches or other disturbances, it was benign.

But these 2 weeks the tinnitus has been markedly worse. My doctor is concerned enough (I saw him yesterday) to order an MRI with contrast. The tinnitus plus the morning headaches gets you the golden ticket for an MRI. I'm seeing all the ways this can play out in my mind...almost everything ends up with me disabled, or dead, leaving my husband of 28 years without a wife and my almost grown sons without a mother.

I haven't spoken about this with anyone other than my doctor and my husband. My boys would be panicked if they knew their mom was going in for a brain scan to look for a mass or other causes for brain swelling. The waiting is killing me - at this point the anxiety is worse than reality. I think I can be strong to deal with treatments as they are outlined to me, but at the moment I am just a mess. As I type this, my head feels almost back to normal, and it's hard to believe that as the night approaches and I try to get some rest, I turn into a very sick, possibly dying person.

Thank you for reading this, if you made it this far. I could use any support or good wishes you have to offer. I've been through multiple "this will surely kill me" series of diagnoses that all turned up as ANXIETY over something different but not fatal going on with me. This could be the same situation but it's the first one that has been so incredibly disruptive in my life.

Blessings,

Kari

I’ve had that type of tinnitus most of my life, never even thought about it to be honest. And headaches are the worst, I’ve had times where I’ve had issues like your having. I think the longest one went on for nearly a month before it quit. The more painkillers I took the longer the pattern seemed to go on for, I actually didn’t go to the doctors in the end. I did have an appointment after four weeks of it but it went before the appointment and I thought it would be of better use to someone else.

There are lots of benign reasons for this to be happening, I still get times when my headaches get worse again but I’ve figured most of them to be a combination of tension headaches, posture (especially sleeping posture if they are mainly happening when you’ve been in bed/sleeping! I’d check your pillows and try new/more or less of them) lack of sleep and stress also trigger them for me.

Let us know how the scan goes, do you have much of a wait? That’s often the worst part!

Positive vibes,

Mouse.


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[FoxTrot123]

Thank you - I do have a counselor who is aware of my HA and my doctor also knows...It's been more manageable over the past few years thanks to this doctor who sees our whole family and is a super experienced family physician; in fact, he often has a medical student shadowing him because he is affiliated with the state teaching hospital. I'm always happy to have a student in the room because that means they are getting exposed to a really good doctor and seeing how bedside manner is part of caring for patients. One thing he has talked about is how most of my "illnesses" are sensations that most people would probably never notice or think twice about. I am a highly sensitive person, oh well! It didn't help me too much to see the concern on his face when I brought this recent situation to him on Friday. He often tries to talk me out of screening for this or that, but he didn't hesitate to order the MRI this time.

[FoxTrot123]

Thanks for your support! My test is not scheduled yet...the order went in at noon on Friday and I didn't expect to get a call immediately. I had visions of going to the ER this weekend if my panic overwhelmed me...so far the daytime has been good and mostly calm, because the headaches go away during the day and I feel almost normal. Last night the panic started around 7:00 pm and got worse to the point where I was getting into bed shaking with chills from anxiety. I used various (legal in Oregon) herbal sleep aids to get through a few wake-ups in the night and downed 2 Tylenol about 1:30 a.m. and the headache was not as severe as the previous night. So, I guess I'm learning to cope for the moment! As of 9:30 a.m. there is no headache or tinnitus...my typical pattern. I feel almost normal if a bit shaky and sleep-deprived. I'll let you know what the scan shows. To complicate matters - our family has a trip planned to Hawaii in two weeks and now THIS is literally hanging over my head...between a "brain tumor" and "coronavirus" I'm afraid this trip that I've been so looking forward to is not going to happen. I want to cry just thinking about it.