Getting weird feelings about husband's relationship to his sister

[Sunflower318]

She sleeps and flirts with anyone that says her name. I've seen her come onto people just cause she likes their eyes. Marriage is not something that is sacred to her. I might be over reacting but I dont like how close he is with her. Hes more protective over her then his own daughter.

[BlueIris]

Have you talked to her at all, found out if she's okay?

Other than this, how's your own mental state right now? Accusing others of incest maybe suggests to me that you need to take some time and think about your own wants and needs - I know that when I act irrationally, I need to acknowledge the feelings behind it and then look at what I can do to make myself feel better.

[Sunflower318]

I'm going to ask my therapist what I should do. She knows how screwed up my husband's side of the family is. I have always had confidence that my husband is faithful and I've always trusted him around other woman. But I feel like she is basically throwing herself at him. Regardless of the fact how he feels about her and their relationship, I dont like how she comes around my 10 year old dressed. I try to teach her to cover up and then her aunt comes around showing all her goods.

[BlueIris]

Why would she want to sleep with her brother, though?

[Midnight-mouse]

She sleeps and flirts with anyone that says her name. I've seen her come onto people just cause she likes their eyes. Marriage is not something that is sacred to her. I might be over reacting but I dont like how close he is with her. Hes more protective over her then his own daughter.

Marriage isn’t ‘sacred’ to me either, doesn’t mean that I would want to sleep with a blood relative, no matter how close of a relationship I have with them.

Perhaps your husband sees her as more vulnerable and in need of more protection, especially as your daughter has the both of you. Who has his sisters back if not him? It’s my understanding that’s how close family behave (taking care of each other and looking out for one and other)

Please remember you can’t control how close he is with other people, that’s his business and frankly none of your concern even as his wife, the rest comes down to trust.

I'm going to ask my therapist what I should do. She knows how screwed up my husband's side of the family is. I have always had confidence that my husband is faithful and I've always trusted him around other woman. But I feel like she is basically throwing herself at him. Regardless of the fact how he feels about her and their relationship, I dont like how she comes around my 10 year old dressed. I try to teach her to cover up and then her aunt comes around showing all her goods.

What makes you think that even if she were flirting with him that he would WANT to sleep with his own sister? Incest really isn’t a turn on in the real world to most people, especially if they grew up together.

It’s certainly not the case that a man can’t control himself around a woman, even if she were ‘throwing herself at him’ he would still have to want to engage in sexual activities with her.

There’s also a lot to be said about not sexualising someone’s body for the way they are dressed. Showing skin is not innately provocative, or sexual.

As much as there’s a factor of a child dressing appropriately for their age often their own safety, there’s also a line that can be crossed in making a person feel ashamed of their body feeling that it must be covered. Having other female influences in her life that have confidence in their bodies can be very powerful in a young woman’s life. It’s definitely something I would have benefited from growing up. Of course as her mother you have the right to control what influences there are around your daughter, but I would argue that a woman being comfortable in her body isn’t the worst thing for a girl to grow up seeing.


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[BlueIris]

Once again, Mouse has it on the nose. Our bodies aren't anything to be ashamed of, and while of course children should dress appropriately for their age, their aunt is a grown adult.

Linking dress sense - or any other aspect of appearance - to morality is dubious at best; I think you need to separate your feelings of being threatened from any wrongdoing that is (or likely isn't) taking place.