Getting weird feelings about husband's relationship to his sister

[Sunflower318]

Idk how to word this. My husband has a half sister. Same mom,different dad. Shes been going through a divorce and got back with her husband. They talk and text all the time. He got her a job with him and he gets mad when shes not with him. She comes to our house and rides to work with him which really doesn't save her much drive time. Hes constantly talking about how hard she works and how well shes doing at her job. He gets mad that's she flirts with every guy she sees. He talks to her more then he does me. I'm getting really weirded out by how close they are. Its beyond protective big brother. I almost thing hes in love with her. And idk if I should straight up ask him what's going on. He tells her everything that goes on in our marriage. I really dont want to think hes cheating on me. I dont think hed actually sleep with her but I feel like hes emotionally cheating with her. What makes it worse is that it's his sister!! Me and his family dont get along well and shes the only one I talk to. Him and I have been going to counseling because we argue over his family so I feel like if I bring it up it's going to really piss him off. I dont know what to do. To make it even harder, she has told me that she thinks hes good looking and attractive. Who says that about their brother??

[WiseMonkey]

Some individual counselling for yourself would be helpful, so you can get some professional advice on this matter.
I've come across this before with a full brother and sister, the brother's wife was really suspicious too. The sister was a friend of mine and when her marriage broke down, she was in touch with her brother a lot of the time! Neither the brother or sister had very good boundaries, I knew them both and broke off my friendship with her when she went after my ex-husband! Even though my ex and I were separated at the time, it seemed way too weird to me, it's something I wouldn't have done to her.

Both the brother and sister had cheated on their spouses (with other people) and the sister had lots of hook-ups after her marriage broke down. Their family of origin had some weird dynamics to it.

I'm not saying this is your situation but it's good that you are aware, take care x

[Sunflower318]

Well I stay at home with the kids and he says he doesnt want me to work and he likes me home but he cant stop praising his sister for working so hard. She wears super low cut shirts around him and my kids and sometimes no bra at all. Super short shorts. Like it's not far fetched to call her a whore. Shes married but flirts with other guys and has slept with other men/woman when her and her husband were having hard times. I wouldnt doubt her having some STDs. Then I worry about like what if they are doing things? Like wtf!!! She switched her work schedule so that she could work with him. I'm not looking for these things they are right there in my face. I'm going to call my counselor tomorrow and ask her what she thinks I should do. Even if nothing is happening its s an odd relationship they have. They are way to close and hea way to protective over her. Keep in mind hes 36 and shes 28. So it's not like shes new to doing things herself.

[WiseMonkey]

Well I stay at home with the kids and he says he doesnt want me to work and he likes me home but he cant stop praising his sister for working so hard. She wears super low cut shirts around him and my kids and sometimes no bra at all. Super short shorts. Like it's not far fetched to call her a whore. Shes married but flirts with other guys and has slept with other men/woman when her and her husband were having hard times. I wouldnt doubt her having some STDs. Then I worry about like what if they are doing things? Like wtf!!! She switched her work schedule so that she could work with him. I'm not looking for these things they are right there in my face. I'm going to call my counselor tomorrow and ask her what she thinks I should do. Even if nothing is happening its s an odd relationship they have. They are way to close and hea way to protective over her. Keep in mind hes 36 and shes 28. So it's not like shes new to doing things herself.

Yep, get an appointment with your counselor and look at options. Your husband and especially his sister are looking for attention, she sounds very immature and I'd say her recent separation from her husband reflects this, he likely knew what she'd been up too!

My friend was in her late 30 and her brother mid 40's at the time so age has very little to do with it. It will interesting to know what your councilor suggests.

[Sunflower318]

I was raised to always be modest. Like I saw my mom without a bra at nightime/morning but she still wore a tshirt. I NEVER went around my dad without a bra. Even as a teenager. He tells at me and my sister if we wear yoga pants lol. I never go out in public braless. To see a 28 year old woman go blatantly braless in front of your husband is disrespectful. Not even to mention the fact shes blood related.

[Sunflower318]

My husband is very christian and I dont really think he would physically cheat. But I'm beginning to have doubts based on how much they talk and how much he brags about how awesome she is. He makes me feel inferior to her.

[BlueIris]

Sunflower, I know it's a different dynamic but how does wearing revealing clothes make your sister in law a sex worker? I understand that you're feeling nervous but you're making a lot of very ugly judgements here.

Maybe, just maybe, she acts up because she's had a tough time in life. Maybe she was unfaithful because her previous marriage was unbearable and she was desperate for a little positive attention. And maybe, just maybe, that's why your other half is so protective of her and why she praises him for this.

It's tough enough to be a woman in this world without other women trying to drag you down and making ugly value judgements on your (collective you) dress sense.

Don't let your anxiety make you into somebody you're not. Fear can twist into anger so easily, but it's a harsh world and we need to stay kind.

[lebonvin]

Hi Sunny

I know where you'd coming from but the chances are there's nowt going on between them.

I had a lovely sis I was real close to who passed away well before her time. My partner of the time was real suspicious there was weird shit goin on but that was his anxiety talkin.

I think that gotta be a problem all over the world, a spouse being jealous a bit of own spouse's sis or bro. If say it's normal reaction.

So I'd try not to think too much about it, your husband just beIN a bit of a jerk

Charlie

[lebonvin]

Hi Sunny again

Sorry about my poor English but I just remembered the words I wanted to use

it's called bias confirmation. its when yous get an idea in your head what is actually wrong but it make you fit other bits of information into the wrong idea. I see it with folk all the time, getting the wrong fixed idea in your head can be really hard to get rid of.

Like anything, just let time pass, you'll be fine.

Hope this helps even if only a tiny bit

Charlie

[Midnight-mouse]

Just to offer another perspective, I have a male friend very close to my age. I’ve known him 10+ years and he is like my brother.

I would say my relationship with him is much the same as your husband and his sister and we’re not even related by blood!
We’ve shared the same bed on multiple occasions while we’ve both been in committed relationships and I wouldn’t/don’t think twice about what I’m wearing around him.
I’d quite happily, and have on more than one occasion been topless/in my underwear changing clothes in front of him. I think it’s honestly that I know there’s never been/going to be anything sexual between us so why would it even cross my mind? I know it doesn’t his, he doesn’t look at me that way and I very much doubt that your husband does his sister either!

My friend is very protective over me, he would be angry if I were flirting with everyone too. He certainly was when I was single, it’s just because he wants the best for me!

Now as to being braless, just because it’s not something you are used to seeing or doing, that doesn’t mean that it’s a bad or provocative way to be dressed. I certainly wouldn’t find it disrespectful regardless of someone’s marital status, I hate the things and only wear them if I absolutely must. So you can be darn sure that my friend has seen me braless as has his wife. I also don’t wear them at home so I’m around my father too, it’s a matter of personal choice and I don’t think it’s fair at all to judge someone by it!

As for low cut tops and sleeping around, that’s her choice and far from anyone else’s place to judge her.

Having sex outside of the marriage is between her, and her ex/husband. It most certainly does not make her a sex worker with sexually transmitted diseases! In fact having multiple partners in normal safe situations does very little to raise ones chance of catching STI/Ds if everyone’s being responsible about safe sex and their sexual health. In fact if I were to wish to sleep with another man or woman it would be between my husband and I and the dynamic of our relationship but it certainly doesn’t make me a sex worker (I refuse to use the term you did, it’s derogatory) we as women should be lifting each other up not tearing down for the enjoyment of sex.

Positive vibes,

Mouse.


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