Observations I have made over the past few months on the forum.

[MamaCass]

Im not sure if this is the right place to post or not but would like a few questions answered if that's OK regarding some awful reponses to posts by other members on here.

I have been a member here since 2004 and have enjoyed making friends, chatting to others in the similar predicament to myself over the years.

Im not a big poster on the forum but have recently been scrolling and searching through relevant posts that I have been searching for etc.
I have suffered from severe crippling anxiety, panic attacks, depression, agoraphobia, OCD, for the last 18 years and in the past 2 years, health anxiety which has been pretty severe.

A few of the members here that I have noticed have made posts in desperate need of some reassurance and some sound advice. Whilst I understand how bad anxiety is for me, I have suffered for so long, I find myself to be highly intelligent enough to know that the absolute callousness, and insensitive replies I have seen posted on other people's threads is extremely upsetting. For example, here are a few comments which I find to be belittling others with mental health, which in my opinion is outrageous and morally wrong.

https://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showth...t=yellow+nails

https://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showth...t=yellow+nails

To be honest this whole thread is upsetting with the amount of rude and insensitive comments, heart wrenching from an onlooker in my opinion.

Another example is the Cononovirus worries that everyone seems to have, the thread is totally unnecessary and should be removed. Although I have severe health anxiety currently this virus hasnt bothered me in the slightest. This just adds fuel to an already burning fire.....

A member was blocked from posting on this thread whereas I see nothing was remotely wrong with that he posted. Yet others are allowed to comment and be fearful about this Covid19 virus. The member in question is Phil06. I have known Phil06 for more years than I can count on my hands. I understand his health worries, his OCD and thought patterns. He feels no longer welcome here and it is such a shame that anyone here could make such a person feel like that.

I understand the frustrations of others who post these insensitive replies. Do I Google 10 hours a day? Yes I do....Does it get me anywhere? No. Am I in therapy trying to make this all better? Yes. Do I have logical thinking at times....absolutely not! I have had 6 rounds of intense therapy in the past 18 years, has it made any difference? No. Do I think others should try and help themselves by taking others advice? Absolutely.

There are people that come here for reassurance, to chat with others that have been through similar, mental health is no joke. There are different types as we all know, some mild and some severe. The threads I have read and observed have been more of the severe type. I could fill up this whole thread with examples of poor replies from other members. The most upsetting part for me is that we have all suffered at some point in our lives with mental health otherwise we would'nt be here.

When I grew up I was taught how to respect others feelings, use my manners and it is wrong to belittle someone, and being unkind is something i'm not fond of. My parents also taught me that if I did'nt have anything nice to say to not say anything at all. Whereas these threads go on and on with negative feedback and I find it very uncomfortable to witness as do others.

I'm not trying to cause a debate, but i'm genuinely interested to know, 1, why Phil06 has been singled out on a thread that is being allowed to continue. And, 2, Why such callous and unempathetic replies are accepted here. It was'nt like this here until the past 6 years, Ive noticed. I enjoy coming here, but surely this isn't acceptable behaviour from others, grown adults especially suffering from mental health at any severity. I look forward to a reply here on this thread.
Thanks.

[Elise]

Very poignant post cass and I am with you on this ! I agree. Xx

[Raiderman]

Keyboard warriors. When they are in bad shape, they expect kindness, and compassion, but only then. Good post Cass.

[MamaCass]

Thanks Elise. I just thought some things need addressing, its horrible to see this going on where everyone should be supporting each other instead of being unkind x

[MamaCass]

Thanks Raiderman, I appreciate the support on this matter as I feel its important for all of us to be kind to each other when there is enough hate and suffering in this world already :(

[stars1976]

I totally agree with you Cass. There's some nasty "Keyboard warriors" out there as Raider correctly says.

[MyNameIsTerry]

There are certainly a lot of unpleasant comments on threads and I've never understood why they are allowed. I understand frustration and can see that happening, and many people have been trying to help people for ages hence why they get frustrated, but there have been clear comments that are just vents of a person's own anger (in my opinion). I used to get involved on those threads but I found you just get into arguments and attract a certain type of follower who baits you whenever they can so these days I just report them to Admin.

I believe some people don't see the forum rules as applying to them so just continue because they know we have very liberal Admins. There are plenty of forums that issue bans much more easily and wouldn't put up with it. This isn't a criticism of Admin, it's a criticism of a certain type of member who complain about other members yet insist on following them around looking to bait or just vent. Admin have had threads on this board to tell people to stop acting this way but some choose to ignore Admin.

I know phil feels unwelcome now. I do understand why Admin acted because some members were making the thread more about their repetitive posting on their own threads however I don't feel it should be to protect other members from the worries of others in fear of being triggered because being on NMP means reading your triggers a lot. But like I say I can understand there have to be a line if a member may be steering it a certain way.

I will also say phil knows my thoughts on this and why he shouldn't take things so harshly between this and the things that occurred on his other threads. His own threads show him struggling to see outside of his fears and there is only so much that can be said.

[BlueIris]

Cass, I'm genuinely sorry you feel this way, and I do agree that comments can get out of hand here.

However, I think that if people are calling others "keyboard warriors" then that in itself is a pretty derogatory term when the vast majority of us have been in that hole ourselves. I've spent five or six hours at a time down the Google hole, and my phobias are so severe that I once went 12 years without seeing a doctor - I won't tell you how long it's been since I saw an optician or dentist.

There's a place for reassurance, absolutely, but what helped me was being reminded of what rationality was, and being, ah, gently encouraged to seek it out for myself. Of course kindness is important, but the users you mention seldom show that kindness (or even basic respect) towards others, and in the end this is a community. I don't think it's surprising people become frustrated sometimes.

[MamaCass]

There are certainly a lot of unpleasant comments on threads and I've never understood why they are allowed. I understand frustration and can see that happening, and many people have been trying to help people for ages hence why they get frustrated, but there have been clear comments that are just vents of a person's own anger (in my opinion). I used to get involved on those threads but I found you just get into arguments and attract a certain type of follower who baits you whenever they can so these days I just report them to Admin.

I believe some people don't see the forum rules as applying to them so just continue because they know we have very liberal Admins. There are plenty of forums that issue bans much more easily and wouldn't put up with it. This isn't a criticism of Admin, it's a criticism of a certain type of member who complain about other members yet insist on following them around looking to bait or just vent. Admin have had threads on this board to tell people to stop acting this way but some choose to ignore Admin.

I know phil feels unwelcome now. I do understand why Admin acted because some members were making the thread more about their repetitive posting on their own threads however I don't feel it should be to protect other members from the worries of others in fear of being triggered because being on NMP means reading your triggers a lot. But like I say I can understand there have to be a line if a member may be steering it a certain way.

I will also say phil knows my thoughts on this and why he shouldn't take things so harshly between this and the things that occurred on his other threads. His own threads show him struggling to see outside of his fears and there is only so much that can be said.

I wholeheartedly agree with you on this.
This thread wasnt aimed at anyone inparticular neither towards any admins. I appreciate all the hard work they put into this site to keep it going for us.
I just really dont think a thread started by a member should be allowed to have hundreds of comments being repetitive nastiness towards someone, like I say if someone hasnt anything nice to say then dont say anything at all. I fully understand the frustrations people may have, but why not just scroll by. Like you say there is only so much advice one can give and its up to them to take heed of the advice or not. Im not one to judge. The issue I have is that the severity of someones mental health obviously impacts their life where anxiety and irrational thinking takes over and that leads down a bumpy road so worry overcomes them. I get it, ive been there it isnt nice and I dont wish it upon anyone.
Its upsetting to see someone so desperate being belittled because of their fears and I wish that something could maybe be done about it, its a form of bullying which nobody should have to suffer.
Regards to Phil, ive spoke to him on many occasions, advising him that his fears and worries are out of control and to maybe focus on paying for private therapy rather than a holiday. Its none of my business what anyone does. But its advice whether taken or not. I wish I could personally help him myself but thats not possible, its just in my nature to be empathetic towards someone who is struggling badly. I sort of understand why maybe he was not allowed to no longer comment on the covid19 thread, as it would reinforce anyones fears, thats why I think personally it should be deleted. But that's just my opinion.
I hate the thought of someone struggling so bad and feeling trapped. He was bashed about not wanting to go to a group therapy. That's not because he doesnt want the help its because he would feel uncomfortable in that situation. I personally think 1:1 would be better for him. He is aware on my thoughts about what I think so im not speaking behind his back etc.
People can say or reply to whatever they want to me, fortunately for me im thick skinned, but some hurtful comments could end up damaging someone even more emotionally and that's not acceptable, especially when they come and seek comfort in a place where we have all suffered at one point or another and they get mocked, its totally unfair and borderline bullying.
Thankyou for replying, i appreciate it

[MamaCass]

Cass, I'm genuinely sorry you feel this way, and I do agree that comments can get out of hand here.

However, I think that if people are calling others "keyboard warriors" then that in itself is a pretty derogatory term when the vast majority of us have been in that hole ourselves. I've spent five or six hours at a time down the Google hole, and my phobias are so severe that I once went 12 years without seeing a doctor - I won't tell you how long it's been since I saw an optician or dentist.

There's a place for reassurance, absolutely, but what helped me was being reminded of what rationality was, and being, ah, gently encouraged to seek it out for myself. Of course kindness is important, but the users you mention seldom show that kindness (or even basic respect) towards others, and in the end this is a community. I don't think it's surprising people become frustrated sometimes.

Of course, i agree with the frustrations. Its totally normal. You can take a horse to water but you cant make them drink as they say. Members choose whether to comment on a thread or not, but they still choose to do so and say things that are totally unnecessary. I personally think its uncalled for. Im not a huge poster on the forums as either its something I dont know about or Im not sure what to say in that instance. So I just scroll along.
Maybe the "Keyboard warrior" statement was as I understand it, is someone that would message someone else something unkind which they wouldnt say to someones face. I dont think it was meant in a derogative way. Its a community like you say, we should all get along and support each other instead of the bickering and callousness that im observing. One nasty comment could be detrimental to someones state of mind at the time.
I see what you are saying about the respect. Im a huge believer of that and if someone doesnt deserve my respect I just walk on by. Its the most sensible thing to do.
We are all in the same boat and our oars should be going in the same direction.
Thankyou for your reply, i appreciate it.