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Thread: Observations I have made over the past few months on the forum.

  1. #21
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
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    Re: Awful observations I have made over the past few months on the forum.

    Quote Originally Posted by Scass View Post
    Totally agree with this, and it refers to all of us.

    None of us can choose to close a thread because we don’t agree with it, that’s down to the admins. All of us can choose to be nice to each other and about each other. All of us need to try and follow the rules. All of us can choose not to read or respond.
    And this is something I strongly disagree with - publicly calling for thread closures. Do it on a PM to Admin. Doing it publicly is to try to gain the support of others in pushing someone off here or out of a thread. Admin have repeatedly explained they believe in inclusivity.

    It is hard to decide whether the OP needs an enforced break and in the past I have mentioned to Admin they need to be taking professional advice on this. This isn't a car exhaust forum, whilst some may find an enforced break halts a cycle others may become more entrenched due to feeling pushed out. I can clearly see this in phil. None of us know what will happen and website owners have a legal obligation to safety. It only takes that one time someone self harms.

    But Admin will tell people to scroll past, to click the x. What happens with some is they cling to the thread and keep posting negativity. Why? It's like watching a TV programme you loath moaning about it rather than changing the channel.
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  2. #22
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    Mar 2014
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    Re: Awful observations I have made over the past few months on the forum.

    Quote Originally Posted by pulisa View Post
    "Help" can also mean challenging unhelpful behaviours though which many people don't like and resent. The fact is that in real life therapists wouldn't work with people who continue to resist changing or modifying their behaviours so they come online where they feel they can carry on regardless and not be challenged or if they are challenged, others will be outraged and the cycle goes on...
    Absolutely, but medical professionals are always expected to be professional. That doesn't mean negative comments aimed at having a pop at the person.

    It's that usual argument on here about the binary poles of enabling vs bluntness. It's nonsense. There is direct and then there is displaying our own anger, or negative personality traits, rather than being respectful.
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  3. #23
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
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    63

    Re: Awful observations I have made over the past few months on the forum.

    I think often itís not whatís been said, but the way itís been said. Like I have seen comments saying things such as grow up, stop being stupid etc. You can challenge unhelpful behaviours without resorting to comments like that.
    Not directing anyone just giving my opinion

  4. #24
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    1,010

    Re: Awful observations I have made over the past few months on the forum.

    Quote Originally Posted by Elise View Post
    I think often it’s not what’s been said, but the way it’s been said. Like I have seen comments saying things such as grow up, stop being stupid etc. You can challenge unhelpful behaviours without resorting to comments like that.
    Not directing anyone just giving my opinion
    i dont think i say anything like that?

    please call me out on it if i do?

    what i wanted to say is the admins have to look out for the majority, which means not letting one member explode all over everyone else, yes people can express themself here but if its negatively affecting other members, what do admin do? Do they allow the member to trigger other members, or do they say "right this is affecting other members now, please stop or else" then follow through? i think its fair for them to ask the member triggering others to stop (i'm talking general here, not anyone in particular)

    i mean if i went off on one and got dragged into pm and asked to stop, i would try to stop the behaviour i got asked to stop.

    just putting my point of view out there, rightly or wrongly.
    Last edited by whispershadow; 12-03-20 at 16:23. Reason: spelling mistake
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  5. #25
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    Re: Awful observations I have made over the past few months on the forum.

    Nooo whisper you are lovely, I have never seen you be unkind!! Xx

  6. #26
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    Re: Awful observations I have made over the past few months on the forum.

    Whisper, you're an absolute sweetheart.

    For the most part I'm happy to offer reassurance, but not when it's sought by the same person for the same sort of thing over and over again. That's not helping, that's enabling.

    By the same token, yes, I do think occasionally people need a quick jolt to remind them quite how far their mental state has strayed from reality. I wholeheartedly believe in being kind but sometimes there's a fine line between that and humouring people.
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  7. #27
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    Aug 2012
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    Re: Awful observations I have made over the past few months on the forum.

    I'm not sure, it is a hard one... looking at my old posts from when I signed up in 2012, I was very needy (I was 17 and experiencing panic attacks for the first time)
    Luckily I did not have anyone snap at me on here, however, I probably would have understood if they had done. I suppose also we don't know the full story when we're just behind a screen, as is the OP.
    Honestly back then when my anxiety was at its worst, being under 18 I was under pressure all day in my real life, my parents were forcing me to go out and to college & work etc, when I was curled up on my bed in tears, grey faced with no appetite.
    And!! to be fair, I did feel better for it in the long term, but it did make me feel lonely and isolated, almost as if I was faking it and attention seeking.

    That is why I came to the forum as I was receiving no reassurance in real life, just tough love. :/

  8. #28
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    Re: Awful observations I have made over the past few months on the forum.

    I think that in general, the people who get snapped at are those who don't respond to reassurance or move forward from it. I've had nothing but kindness and friendship on here, either.

    I'm sorry your parents were so awful; mine were emotionally abusive too.
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  9. #29
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    Re: Awful observations I have made over the past few months on the forum.

    This is it exactly.
    As I've mentioned before previously members choose to reply to a thread, but repeatedly carry on. If they feel the need to comment on a thread why not just put...."I've tried to give sensible advice as much as I could offer, but I have no more add. I wish you well." Rather than as Elise said...."You are being ridiculous, grow up etc etc, that's just hurtful and plainly rude. I could flood this thread with examples of what I've witnessed here on the forums but I don't want to target individuals, that's not what I'm all about.

  10. #30
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    Re: Awful observations I have made over the past few months on the forum.

    What if somebody actually is being ridiculous, though? When you're that deep down the rabbit hole it isn't always easy to realise.

    It took me a long time to wake up to my own delusions; these days, if my husband tells me I'm being irrational, I believe him.
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