Losing it a little

[BlueIris]

... Basically I've just run out of coping capacity with the world going nuts. I've had several nights of vivid nightmares and then today I woke up to my first properly violent IBS attack in years.

Work finally took the decision to close to students yesterday, but there's talk of keeping the libraries open for an extra week and everybody else on the team has kids or is self-isolating.

Had a pathfinder appointment with a lady from MIND on Tuesday, but as has happened before, I was incredibly cheerful and upbeat - she remarked that she'd never seen my smile drop and she thought it was a coping strategy.

I can't see an end to this madness and it scares me; I've reached the end of my mental health rope and urgently need some time to clear my head, but there's all this stuff that urgently needs to be done to set distance learning in place so I can't ease up and take the time I require to process this huge shift in the way I'll be living.

I seldom ask this, but somebody please help?

[MyNameIsTerry]

Blue, you are overwhelmed and regardless of the current events this could be any sudden build up on incoming work or project reaching a crunch point.

But...you are not alone and you don't have to do everything or the world falls apart. Your manager is there to help you plan and manage your workload so use them.

Break it down. Don't look at it all as one big overwhelmed ball of stress. Get your priorities on a list. Plan a timetable that is reasonable and allow for slippage or project creep. You need a buffer zone just in case something unexpected pops up so you don't feel your back is to the wall.

So, what needs doing now and what can wait? What is business critical and what is a nice to have?

[BlueIris]

This is what I'm trying to do, Terry - break everything down into small chunks and not promise what I can't (reasonably) easily deliver.

Unfortunately my line manager is a workaholic and doesn't recognise when stress is making her unreasonable, so it may be very difficult for me to set the boundaries I need to keep myself mentally safe.

[MyNameIsTerry]

I can appreciate that as I've both worked with people like that and been one. It's why I'm on here now!

You do have to unfortunately manage the manager otherwise they can suck you into far too many things and spread you too thin.

Recognise times when getting up for a 5 minute break will make you more productive when you return. Get your head cleared for a minute and take a walk in some fresh air.

Also beware your own worst enemy a lot of the time in these situations - you. There is a baseline to achieve but you might find yourself, the perfectionist you, wanted to add in things that add value to projects. The trouble is this may cause creep and the essentials, which may be less impressive, are the foundations to put in place. Slide beneficial things into another pot of work if there is time afterwards. I used to keep adding I things and pushing myself more because I was committed to making it work and work better. I suspect you are that type.

What can you delegate? What other resources can help you? Are there people around you that can help? And are you doing their jobs whilst they get away with less?

Remember this is an external deadline forced on you all and that alone can cause a lot of stress. But how much of that sits on directors rather than workers? Try not to assign all of that to you because you all share different levels of responsibility in an overall target. But ultimately those at the top are expected to deliver the lot and there are things you can't influence even though you might want to try. Basically be reasonable about your role and don't make it feel like it's you vs tidal wave.

Perhaps a meeting where you run the agenda is needed? Set it our so they can see what it will take and where there are weaknesses that could cause you problems. And mention any mental health elements you have made them aware of so they remember this virus is not an excuse to waive their responsibilities to your mental health.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Blue, I know you know all the above anyway and this is an on going battle with your workplace. Do they disaster plans in place? Is your workaholic boss going a bit further than the company requires?

Are you able to also insert some small techniques through your day like some calming breathing, maybe some stretching or muscle relaxation, some quick visualisation of calming meditation, etc? Maybe some useful tapping or accupressure? Whatever helps really. Then at home get soaking inn the bath, your beading if it helps shift your over thinking and busy mind, some time to laugh with your partner.

You can always a rant on here about mad bosses and annoying colleagues if you want to.

[Scass]

Hello lovely,
I’m the same as you in that Often I am cheerful and crack jokes and deflect like mad, but the anxiety simmers away. Sometimes that cheerful facade works - fake it until you make it etc!

It’s just so hard to fathom what’s going on. I have moments where it’s all so normal, and then reality comes crashing in.

I’m very lucky that I can work from home now without preparation for others.

Can you explain to your boss that you’re pretty stressed too and that you need to support each other? These are extraordinary times, and you’re both overwhelmed.

Will you be able to WFH soon? What does your husband say?

I don’t think I’ve been very helpful sorry, but I wanted to say that I am thinking of you & I am here x

[BlueIris]

Thanks, both. Sorry for slow response, but I was in bed and I wanted to wait until I was at the PC and could type properly.

@Terry - Unfortunately I'm at the bottom end of the delegation chain; I'm the lowest ranking person with the knowledge and permissions to help with the things people are panicking about. I can handle it, but my manager is in full-on freakout mode and constantly throwing new things at me. When I'm trying to wrangle my anxiety, I need to be very methodical in order to be productive. That said, I'm going to take breaks as and when I need them, and I'll be bringing my lavender oil to work until I'm working from home. I'm also going to take time for quick meditation sessions throughout the day. I'll be brave, and say no to my boss when I need to; she's paid a heck of a lot more than I am.

@Scass - You're always helpful, you silly thing! I should be able to work from home from either next Monday or the Monday after. Don't think my husband is hugely thrilled by the prospect of being stuck home with a panicked wife, but we do get on well and we're both quite open-minded when it comes to handling things like these.

Oddly enough, I just got offered some contract work yesterday; I'm taking it on because I'll be able to work to my own rules and the money beats what I'm making in the day job. It's work I enjoy when I have a measure of agency about how things are done.

In the meantime, I've ordered myself a kit today so I can start learning a new skill in my jewellery-making repertoire, so I have something to look forward to.

I can't claim I'm okay, but I really appreciate the support I receive here.

[Scass]

You are very methodical I find, and given a few hours you’ll come up with a plan b. Well done!

Perhaps once you’re home your anxiety will decrease a lot. But until then, keep plodding on, there will be a lot fewer people around and social distancing will be much easier. Write lots of lovely lists.

I have lots of beads & kit here. I might ask for some advice over the coming weeks x

[BlueIris]

Please do, Scass? I'm happy to offer tuition by email or video link.

[Scass]

Fabulous! I’ve bought my daughter her own little kit too x