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Thread: So scared I can’t stop crying

  1. #1

    So scared I can’t stop crying

    I’ve been in a health anxiety spiral since middle of February when I developed and have since recovered from Bell’s Palsy. But since the stress of that sent me in a downward spiral and now I’m convinced I have ALS and I’m so scared, I don’t want to leave my babies behind without a mom :(

    I first started having what a consider to be weak muscles in my left arm and leg the night I got home from the ER after being diagnosed with Bell’s Palsy. I had to CT scans and they couldn’t find anything, but I was still convinced I had a brain tumor so I had a panic attack when I got home. After that I have had the following symptoms I will list: and I yes I have read the thread about ALS being about failure and not feeling and I have a failing , I’ll tell you below. :( I’m literally shaking as I type this.

    -Random twitches all over body. Comes and goes. Sometimes it twitches so hard I can see it.
    -Perceived weakness in my left arm, hand and leg. thumb feels kind of weird as I’m typing on my phone.
    -a couple of weeks ago I went to the ENT because I felt like a had trouble swallowing/had to force myself to swallow. When I told him this happened after Bell’s palsy he said “hmm that’s interesting” I said what do you mean and he said “I just think it’s interesting you’re having trouble swallowing after having Bell’s Palsy and both those have to do with nerves” I asked him to elaborate what he thought but he wouldn’t tell me. Now I’m freaking out thinking he was thinking of ALS.
    -here’s where I’m having a failing and literally shaking with fear since I first noticed this morning. On my left foot, the side of my body where I feel like I’m having some weakness, I can’t curl my pinky toe all the down!!!!! Omg I literally can’t breathe, I’m only 32 why is this happening to me?!! And no, I’ve never broken this toe. I’m so scared

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
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    7,300

    Re: So scared I can’t stop crying

    All the things you describe can come from a very over-active HA mind, 'trouble swallowing' and having to force yourself to swallow has been listed in anxiety books since the beginning of - anxiety books being published LOL Twitches, yep, common. 'Perceived' weakness is just that, not real weakness. The toe thing - one of mine I can't curl in the same way as the other side, and I kid you not, I noticed it a year or so back when I was trying to do my toe nails.

    I've told this story on here before, about the power of the human mind. I thought I had a brain tumour and was losing the use of the left side of my body about 35 years ago. I ended up falling over, having the left side feel weak and with loss of function, eventually I lay in bed bar hobbling to the toilet for a few days and had assorted other left side symptoms. Pain behind left eye, pain in my head, partially closed eye and a few other things. None of them were real. Within a few weeks I was entirely physically functioning again. I think the Bell's Palsy has likely set off a spiral for you. The doctor most certainly didn't think ALS, as if he thought that you'd have been referred onwards to a neurologist !

  3. #3

    Re: So scared I can’t stop crying

    Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to me! It really means a lot! Yep I had zero of these symptoms until the Bells Palsy attack that set me off. I have had HA since about 5 years old, and I had a good run where I haven’t had a spiral for about 7 years. Unfortunately the Zoloft I’m on isn’t helping as much as it used to. It makes me feel a little better to know one of your toes doesn’t curl the same as the one on the opposite side. I hate that notice every little thing about my body.

    And I did see a neurologist for my Bell’s Palsy, and he did the strength tests, checked my balance and reflexes. I had a brain MRI that came back fine, but I know that wouldn’t show anyway if I had ALS.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jul 2019
    Posts
    58

    Re: So scared I can’t stop crying

    I also have a toe that doesn’t go all the way down. I’ve been, and kinda still am, in the ALS rabbit hole and it’s honestly the worst because so many of the symptoms can be interpreted in so many different ways. I just went to the neurologist for a 6 months revisit and they said everything was completely normal: strength, reflexes, no atrophy etc. and I still asked for peace of mind can I get an emg, and she flat out said no lol. More power to her as well for not giving in. I also have what I think are tongue issues when swallowing saliva, but as cary said, it’s like the number one anxiety symptom, with number two probably being those twitches we all have. It’s when you start thinking about it that it becomes harder to do because your body is not used to having to think about it, you just sub consciously do it.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
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    7,300

    Re: So scared I can’t stop crying

    And I did see a neurologist for my Bell’s Palsy, and he did the strength tests, checked my balance and reflexes.
    Then, you are checked by a professional- and don't have ALS. Its really that simple )

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Dec 2019
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    56

    Re: So scared I can’t stop crying

    Hi
    I'm with you in the health anxiety!!
    November I started muscle twitching, and more recently my right hand and thumb doesn't feel right!!
    I have multiple sclerosis and had an appointment with my neurologist end of January and told him how concerned I was about the twitching, he examined me and said no need to be concerned, but the wrist has started since I saw him which has me worried. Also the swallowing thing is awful for me!! I've had weeks of excessive swallowing, it went away last week and came back yesterday, only when my brain thought 'oh you haven't done that for a while'!!
    Health anxiety sucks, I hope you can be a bit more reassured.
    Take care

  7. #7

    Re: So scared I can’t stop crying

    Thank you all for taking the time to calm me! I appreciate it so much, and I’m glad I’m not the only one experiencing these symptoms. I’m glad I’ve found this forum with people who understand how terrible health anxiety is. And yes, I had my swallowing “problem” go away for multiple days to when I wasn’t thinking about it. I just need to remind myself if we had something terrible our symptoms wouldn’t just come and go.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    237

    Re: So scared I can’t stop crying

    Quote Originally Posted by wishiwasfree View Post
    Thank you all for taking the time to calm me! I appreciate it so much, and I’m glad I’m not the only one experiencing these symptoms. I’m glad I’ve found this forum with people who understand how terrible health anxiety is. And yes, I had my swallowing “problem” go away for multiple days to when I wasn’t thinking about it. I just need to remind myself if we had something terrible our symptoms wouldn’t just come and go.
    I just wanted to let you know I am exactly on the same page as you with regards to this fear that it’s taken up pretty much a year and a half of my life . I really hope you can beat it before you get to my stage As I constantly look back in regret . I’ve had this perceived swallowing problem for 6 months and twitching for 15 months - again comes and goes and not a coincidence when I am more anxious and allow my thoughts to get the better of me! For the record I’m still here with no weakness or speech problems yet !

    I really hope you feel better soon and I am always here if you need a chat - the lovely people on this forum have really helped me on some of my darkest days

    Hope you are okay!

  9. #9

    Re: So scared I can’t stop crying

    I made the mistake of googling muscle atrophy and now I’m convinced I have it on my left side. I’m so tired of living my life in a blind panic :( my left arm still feels weak-ish and kind of aches. I haven’t actually lost any strength. My husband says it’s because I carry our 22lb 8 month old on that side, but wouldn’t I be getting stronger and not weaker?!

  10. #10

    Re: So scared I can’t stop crying

    Since yesterday I feel like I have a muscle spasm in my throat, back of my tongue and it’s making it hard to talk. I’m so scared this is a bulbar symptom. I’m shaking from fear. I was up in the middle of the night for 2 1/2 from anxiety because I was woken from sleep twice with a shooting pain in my throat. My neurologist appointment isn’t for another month. I can’t keep living like this 😢

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