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  1. #1

    Never going to find love.

    It's a massive misconception that people who suffer with social anxiety like being alone, or at least that has been my experience. But I hate being alone. I hate losing all my friends because I can't leave the house, I hate never being able to get to know anyone new, and most of all I hate knowing that I will never find love because I can't talk to another human being.
    Does anybody have any experience with maintaining or forming new romantic relationships when they can't even leave the house for fear of even being seen by another human being?
    I have no one left in my life.

    Sent from my J8210 using Tapatalk

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Posts
    2,423

    Re: Never going to find love.

    Hi Nyx.78

    I don't personally suffer from social anxiety to the extent that I am housebound, but I can empathise as I suffer from generalised anxiety disorder and panic attacks and I have always found social situations difficult due to shyness and then later in life, the mental conditions I mention which left me agoraphobic at one stage. I know it isn't quite the same as social anxiety, but I can relate to how you feel as I NEVER feel comfortable socially, even around my own extended family!

    Don't give up on friendships or love. Social anxiety doesn't have to mean those things are out of your reach. Are you taking any medication for anxiety? Have you had any therapy at all? I know not everyone wants to take meds and therapy may be an issue when it comes to the 'talking to someone' element, but they can be useful tools to help.

    As far as relationships go, well I have never had a boyfriend until I was 38 years old and I am 49 this year. It was not through my instigation at all and it was a lot of hard work for him initially as I was so painfully shy of men, even at that age and had zero experience. I am still seeing him now, but it took time to become comfortable around him and with him. What I am trying to say really is that even without social anxiety, meeting people can be difficult, so don't be so hard on yourself. I think a lot of people these days tend to get to know people online anyway, as it is just so hard in today's hectic world.

    Could this be a way for you to dip your toe in the water with someone? I know it is not an ideal situation - to meet someone online and talk - but it may be at the least a way to make some friendships and contacts. Being socially anxious should not mean you must be totally alone and there are many people who could relate, I am sure.

    I'm sorry I can't offer more advice for you as someone totally in the same situation as you are, but I am certain that there are other NMP members who will have experienced the same and be able to offer more advice than me.

    Hugs to you.

  3. #3

    Re: Never going to find love.

    Quote Originally Posted by debs71 View Post
    Hi Nyx.78

    I don't personally suffer from social anxiety to the extent that I am housebound, but I can empathise as I suffer from generalised anxiety disorder and panic attacks and I have always found social situations difficult due to shyness and then later in life, the mental conditions I mention which left me agoraphobic at one stage. I know it isn't quite the same as social anxiety, but I can relate to how you feel as I NEVER feel comfortable socially, even around my own extended family!

    Don't give up on friendships or love. Social anxiety doesn't have to mean those things are out of your reach. Are you taking any medication for anxiety? Have you had any therapy at all? I know not everyone wants to take meds and therapy may be an issue when it comes to the 'talking to someone' element, but they can be useful tools to help.

    As far as relationships go, well I have never had a boyfriend until I was 38 years old and I am 49 this year. It was not through my instigation at all and it was a lot of hard work for him initially as I was so painfully shy of men, even at that age and had zero experience. I am still seeing him now, but it took time to become comfortable around him and with him. What I am trying to say really is that even without social anxiety, meeting people can be difficult, so don't be so hard on yourself. I think a lot of people these days tend to get to know people online anyway, as it is just so hard in today's hectic world.

    Could this be a way for you to dip your toe in the water with someone? I know it is not an ideal situation - to meet someone online and talk - but it may be at the least a way to make some friendships and contacts. Being socially anxious should not mean you must be totally alone and there are many people who could relate, I am sure.

    I'm sorry I can't offer more advice for you as someone totally in the same situation as you are, but I am certain that there are other NMP members who will have experienced the same and be able to offer more advice than me.

    Hugs to you.
    Thank you for your response. It truly is lovely to speak to another person after so long.
    It is a comfort to learn that people suffering with similar anxieties (any anxieties) can and do manage to form new relationships.
    I have been on medication and working with my local mental health service for a long time - 10 years - but I have only ever gotten worse.
    I want to believe that if I can better, even just a little better, I may be able to form new relationships again.
    I appreciate you taking the time out of your life to comfort a complete stranger. That sort of pure kindness has never existed in my world.

    Sent from my J8210 using Tapatalk

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Posts
    2,423

    Re: Never going to find love.

    You are very welcome, Nyx.78

    Trust me please when I say that YOU CAN get better. You have sought help already and been working to get better which is a massive step in itself. Sometimes it is a long and hard road. I still struggle myself even after 17 years with my mental health stuff. My anxiety rears its head periodically and I can't leave the house when it gets very bad (I also have depression so that adds to it too)....in fact, I can't get out of bed. Anxiety is a rollercoaster....you have ups and downs with it, but it doesn't mean you cannot have a life WITH anxiety too.

    You have a will to get better which is half the battle. Please try to stick with it if you can as to me it sounds like you are hanging in there and can win this. xx

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