lymph node anxiety

[hopegirl]

Hello, i just joined this forum after weeks and weeks of reading the support available on here. For background knowledge I'm 18/F, been healthy my whole life apart from a surgery when I was a baby. Like many people on here, I'm worried sick about my lymph nodes.

I'm really skinny and I've been able to feel one lymph node on either side of my neck since I was 14, but I played with the one on the right side so much that it feels much much bigger, it never went fully back down to the original size, and I poke it so much that it can feel sore. The other night my anxiety really peaked and I ended up crying to my parents about it (a bit lame I know, since I'm technically an adult at this point). My dad felt my lymph nodes, he couldn't feel the big one so he told me that I've got nothing to worry about. He had health anxiety really badly a few years back, so he was trying to comfort me by saying if there were any problems after 4 years with that node, I would be extremely sick by now and the node would be the size of a golfball.

So I was reassured...for about 2 days. I've got a slightly sore throat at the moment and I had been poking the node yesterday, so it's no wonder it feels like it has swollen today. But in the last four years, the node has never gotten bigger, to me it feels like 1.5cm or maybe even 2cm, if I leave it alone for a few days it shrinks, and I don't have symptoms like weightloss, fatigue, night sweats etc. My local GP is closed due to coronavirus so I can't exactly go there for reassurance, but I don't even know if it's worth seeing a GP at this point, since my node has been the same for 4 years. I can't shake the fear of lymphoma, especially low grade lymphoma, which I heard can take years to present itself.

Any reassurance would be very much appreciated, during this whole pandemic I feel like my anxiety is reaching an all time high.

[hopegirl]

I’d like to add that I had bloods taken about a month ago for an unrelated issue that all came back clear

[Lolalee1]

HiYour dad is right 4yrs and you would be sick,poking and prodding doesn’t help.If your tests came back clear that should be reassuring.We are going through a terrible time of coarse your anxiety will be high,you will be ok.Take some time out and do some breathing techniques and relaxation exercises
Be kind on yourself.x

[hopegirl]

Thank you for responding. it's just a very difficult time to be dealing with HA. Hope you are doing well

[hopegirl]

Really feeling helpless and so incredibly anxious about this bloody lymph node. I'm struggling to rationalise my thoughts. Why now, after 4 years of having this palpable node? Surely there's nothing seriously wrong, but I really can't control my thoughts about it :(((

[katniss]

Lymph nodes are important parts of our body but they are a literal nightmare for the hypochondriac. I have them too and I feel them from time to time and just like yourself I drive myself down the rabbit hole. Yes, yours sound absolutely benign to me. I can relate and so can many others on this forum

[Deepseathree]

I know you post “why now after 4 years”. Anxiety doesn’t need a time frame or reason.

Have you ever brought it up to your GP during those four years, or have they ever palpated around that area during examinations?

Not to downplay your worries, but In all honesty, at the moment given how long you’ve had the problem, I wouldn’t put too much weight behind it being something serious.

[hopegirl]

Last month I went to the GP for a different issue, he briefly felt around my neck to check for swollen nodes but he didn't find any/none stood out to him, which basically means my node probably isn’t that big. As soon as my GP reopens I will go there for a medical opinion on my lymph node, hopefully he’ll confirm that it’s nothing and I can get started with some counselling to resolve this issue. Thank you everyone for responding

[hopegirl]

I was able to get an over the phone appointment this morning. The doctor was really not concerned, borderline dismissive, but it's understandable - the node isn't easily felt, its about the size of a kidney bean, hasn't changed in years etc. He said to just monitor it and come back if it gets bigger (which, after 4-5 years, doesn't look likely). Unfortunately I think I'm so far into the HA spiral that I feel no different after the appointment. It hasn't eased my worries one bit and I'm still obsessively checking the node, which in turn obviously makes it worse. This whole lockdown thing has definitely negatively impacted my mental health. Hope everyone on here is feeling okay.

[NotDeadYet]

hopegirl

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. Lymph node anxiety can become all consuming. Know that you aren't alone and please reach out if you need any guidance or help on how to take control.

Best Wishes