Rebuilding

[SarahNah]

just wanted to make a little thread.

So, as a lab worker I've been short listed to go and work on testing covid if the needs arise.

I've been doing not so hot since returning to Ireland. I had a mental crash, I lost the rag and end up missing from home for three days. I rather not say to much on this, as I'm trying to untangle the mess in my head myself. I am in touch with therapist and such.

I'm doing a bit better, I'm doing two different easy work outs a day. Sadly my health anixety has come back in full swing. I'm aware of my heart rate all the time, I lay awake at night to the point of tears thinking I'm about to die. I'm having in going sinus issues that are just really getting me down. Just feeling very weak and other issues. It feels like a slap to be back this far but I'm remembering that I've had a big step back and I can get there again.

I'm greatful to have friends on the other side of a screen for me.

I'm making this thread to hopefully help myself heal and get back to a good place again.

[pulisa]

I'm so sorry that you have been in such turmoil, Sarah. Nothing I can say will help because I appreciate the depths that you can reach but keep on taking these positive steps to get yourself back on a relatively even keel. You've got a very responsible job and are obviously highly thought of and valued. You've kept your job so no one is questioning your mental health vulnerability which is huge bonus. Yes your HA is back with a vengeance but it will be because it will hit you when you're down and ruminating. You know the score with HA-you've had these symptoms before and haven't died from them yet!

I hope your therapist is able to help you online and that you are able to access your psych team? Covid has complicated all community mental health services over here..just when you need them most.

You'll get to that good place again and keep posting on this thread where your online friends can support you and encourage you xx

[SarahNah]

Pulisa, I wish I had enough words to say thank you for how often you've come and been so kind to me. It's truly means the world to me.

I'm technically still employed with my company in Germany and they wanted me to come back to work- but with all flights being cancelled that hasn't happen. So I signed up to help out in Ireland. I normally work with more plants/drug based testing. I hope I can be of help in some way in this trying times.

I'm very lucky I was still in contact with my therapist here, so she's really swooped in to help me in my times of need. I always have a boyfriend, so many beautiful friends and family members who care for me . Of course the lovely support I get on here, for how awful it can be. I am truly lucky to have people who care for me so much

[pulisa]

It's always a bonus when you have people who truly care for you in your life but ultimately you are the one who is having to endure the awful times and only you know how ghastly it all can be and how terrifying and exhausting. I'm glad your therapist is accessible because having someone who knows you and knows all about your issues can save all the effort of having to get to know a new professional when you are at your most vulnerable.

I'm sure that your expertise will be greatly appreciated in the workplace in Ireland and you will then have some focus and motivation to keep on battling through the darker times. Take it a day at a time and I do hope that your sleep improves because it's so important in recovery xx

[SarahNah]

It's always a bonus when you have people who truly care for you in your life but ultimately you are the one who is having to endure the awful times and only you know how ghastly it all can be and how terrifying and exhausting. I'm glad your therapist is accessible because having someone who knows you and knows all about your issues can save all the effort of having to get to know a new professional when you are at your most vulnerable.

I'm sure that your expertise will be greatly appreciated in the workplace in Ireland and you will then have some focus and motivation to keep on battling through the darker times. Take it a day at a time and I do hope that your sleep improves because it's so important in recovery xx

Thank you so much Pulisa xx

[SarahNah]

The last few days have been really hard, I keep getting those moments were everything slips for a moment and suddenly my heart starts racing and it feels like everytime slipping away. It's hard to explain, it's very intense for ten minute and I feel scared and tense for hours later.

Starting lab work next Monday, so really going to try and work on this but it's really difficult

[pulisa]

It will be but the lab work will give you some focus and you won't be able to monitor your heart as much as you probably do now?

[SarahNah]

I started my lab job- oh it's stressful. Like you said Pulisa. I don't have time to think about my heart rate....which isn't true fully there's been times I had to sit in the bathroom trying to calm myself as things can be very overwhelming with the amount of samples but we power through. It's been something to put my mind too. I've been doing mostly okay, I've been having lots of headaches tho and pressure behind the eyes. Trying to be a level headed person and remind myself that I'm probs not drinking enough water and another million not serious things it could be! Hope everyone is doing okay xxx

Sent from my PRA-LX1 using Tapatalk

[pulisa]

Keep yourself well hydrated and remember that tension in the neck and shoulders can cause head pain and it's best not to dwell on more sinister causes!!!

I'm sure your job is pretty full on and there must be such a lot of work to get through..but it's such valued and valuable work and provided you don't get completely exhausted by the pace of it all you must allow yourself to feel pride in what you are achieving. Don't get overwhelmed and make sure you take all the much needed breaks from work. You are doing really well, Sarah! xx