My GP rang just now about the toxo.

She doesn't have all of the results back from my repeat blood test yet, but she agrees that in likelihood the toxo is an old infection and the steroids allowed it to reactivate.

So it might just happen again next time I'm on the steroids.

My GP will be speaking to the microbiologist at the hospital about my particular case to hopefully get a better insight. She says that between her, the microbiologist and my fertility consultant we'll try to find a solution that works for me.

When I have the full test results back I'll speak to my fertility consultant again, but she implied that we'll try the steroids again next time. I know I'm unlikely to carry to term without immune suppression. But if the toxo comes back again, I guess that's steroids out of the window.

Then what?

Sometimes it feels like I'm not meant to have a family. I really am trying the absolute best I can. I've done everything I possibly could, short of using a surrogate.

I feel very, very down at the moment.

My GP said not to give up hope yet and that sometimes women beat the odds and go on to have two or three children!

I'm going to keep trying. Perhaps the toxo is the final hurdle. I don't really know what to do, how to solve this, no matter how much I think about it, so I'll just take it one day at a time for the moment.