I just had some really good news 🙂🙂🙂
The toxoplasmosis results from my 2019 blood came back negative!
So, it was a brand new infection I contracted recently - goodness knows how, as I hadn't been near any cats.
That means that hopefully now I've had the infection it will never come back - which is the usual response. There is nothing to suggest that going on steroids to weaken my immune system will reactivate the infection.
Really brilliant news, because it means I can go on the steroids for my next pregnancy, to hopefully keep my immune system from attacking the baby, and there is no reason to believe that the toxo will reactivate and negatively affect the pregnancy.
I am so happy! It is such an unexpected result, as I was not at risk for contracting toxo so it's really strange I managed to pick up a new infection. I've no idea how I got it, but hopefully it'll go to sleep now and I won't need to worry about it again.
Last edited by O_O; 03-06-20 at 20:31.
Oh that’s great news, I’m really pleased that you can move forward
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I've had some malaise over the last few days, feeling a bit light-headed and weak with a bit of a reedy heart beat.
It feels a bit like when I first came down with the toxo four months ago.
Also, the side of my neck with the nodes was feeling a bit sore and I touched it and there is one node which feels quite prominent. I'm not sure if it's new or if it's just one of the old ones.
I'm worried that the toxo isn't going away like it's supposed to. If it doesn't go away I can't have a baby.
Another of my childhood friends, who is younger than me, just announced that his girlfriend is pregnant. One by one everybody I know is settling down and having babies, even the ones who never seemed like settling down types. I don't know why the whole thing, every aspect of it, seems so difficult and out of reach for me.
I've been thinking about my next round of IVF.
I was wondering whether I might try a natural cycle next time, which means they sync it with my natural menstrual pattern rather than controlling it with drugs. It seemed that last time unfortunately my body did not absorb the drugs properly so I didn't have enough progesterone etc to sustain the pregnancy.
I worry about my natural cycles though because lately they seem to be getting a bit shorter, which isn't a great sign.
I also always spot for about three days, give or take, before my period. I've never really had an answer to that, but perhaps that's a sign of dodgy progesterone levels too.
Also, my endometrium doesn't always reach optimal thickness. It didn't with the IVF drugs, either. They had to double my dose.
It's a lot to think about. It's so important. Financially, and in terms of the literal rest of my life and future happiness.
It's hard to think about all this by myself and make all these decisions alone. I wish I had someone.
Either way, with someone or alone, I know I've got a really hard fertility journey ahead, and I've already been on the journey for over three years.
Just thinking about it a lot today.
Hope everyone's ok. I'm doing ok. I moved towns to be closer to my parents and some of my old friends, and I've bought a house there. I've changed jobs too.
Feeling a bit down because yesterday I noticed an enlarged node on the left side of my neck.
The nodes on the right side of my neck had finally almost all gone after months, and my toxoplasmosis IgM antibodies went negative. It meant I could try again for a baby, although I'm having some blood tests soon to try to work out why I have hyperpituitarism which could well be linked to my miscarriages.
However, now this new node is up I'm guessing it means the toxo is back. I'm going to try to have a blood test this week.
If my toxo just keeps coming back it's going to make carrying a baby even harder for me.
I wish I just had one fertility issue I could focus on, but I have so many! Sometimes I do feel like it's time to let go the whole baby / family thing. It's hard, though, when it's the thing I've wanted more than anything for so long, and the thing I have put so much time and energy and money into pursuing.
Anyway, just trying to crack on with work and chatting with my friends and stuff in the meantime.
My blood test result came back and the toxo hasn't returned! Still dormant. The node went away after about a week, so it was just a random node, I guess!
This weekend I am going on a second date with a man.
All sounding good! Enjoy your date.
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Unfortunately we didn't make it to a third date, but no harm in trying eh! I've sort of paused the online dating for a while now as I've been doing it for over three years and it's getting a bit exhausting.
I've been thinking again about having another embryo transfer but I don't know if it's the right thing to do. If I did it this year and it worked I'd be 33 once the baby was born, which I suppose is a good age, but in a way it seems selfish to try to bring a child into this world when its only family would be me and two elderly grandparents.
I still don't know what the root problem with my endocrine system is, and I doubt I'll ever know. My endocrinologist is talking about doing another MRI but I'm not sure there's any point. There's something wrong with my pituitary or my hypothalamus, which affects my fertility pretty badly, but the treatment probably isn't going to change even if they see something on the MRI - I'll still be given steroids, intralipids, and anticoagulants during pregnancy.
I'm fortunate that thus far only my fertility is affected and otherwise I feel basically fine physically.
Sometimes I think that none of it really matters, and my focus should just be on my parents and making sure they're ok in their old age. They're 71 and 76 and I know they worry about me, especially my dad. I wish they didn't. They shouldn't have to be worrying about me at that age, they should just be able to chill. I just want to make sure they're looked after.
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