Constantly in an anxious state!

[ErinKC]

When I got this bad the only thing I could do was turn to a professional. First my primary care doctor who prescribed me medication and then a therapist. But if you call your doctor make sure it's about the anxiety, not all the health worries. Even just talking that over with someone can really help.

[BrokenGirl]

As far as medication goes, unfortunately I can't seem to tolerate any of it. The doctors have tried me on so many anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds over the years. Apart from the normal side effects, they give me severe migraines which makes it impossible for me to continue with them.
I spoke with my doctor a few weeks ago about it and she agreed that the only thing she could give me was xanax, which is definitely not something you want to be taking regularly. So I've kind of hit a brick wall as far as meds is concerned!!
I know I need therapy as well, and I wish I could start it tomorrow. I'm trying to save some money for private sessions as the public waiting lists are very long, and to be honest I haven't had much luck with public therapists either. I've been to see a few of them over the years and most of the time they just weren't any good for me.

I desperately need to break out of this cycle though - it's wearing me down mentally and physically. I've had enough of living this way.

I've still been worried about my lady parts all day, but not as bad as yesterday. And I was thinking that maybe I was over the worst of it and was finally getting through to myself that everything was fine.
Then something else. My eye was a bit sore so I had a close look at it in the mirror. In the coloured part of it there is a very black streak/line. It goes from the outside of the coloured circle almost in as far as the pupil. Instant panic went through me when I saw it. Was it always there? I don't know. Is it a sign of anything? I still don't know. But the vicious cycle is starting again......

[BrokenGirl]

This is exhausting me - I'm getting myself into a state over my eye. Had calmed for a while but freaking a bit again.
I keep thinking the worst about the black streak in my eye. There seems to be another smaller one just below it. I'm worried about iris melanoma.
I'm really after going backwards with the googling the past few days, disgusted with myself over it. I think I have control over it again, not going to google any more. But I saw the words "iris melanoma" somewhere and I can't get it out of my head. I don't know what the signs and symptoms of it are. If anyone knows could they tell me if a black line/streak in the iris is a symptom, and please don't tell me what the symptoms are.
I know I'm reassurance seeking but I'm struggling so hard right now.

[lyndau63]

Oh my dear, I know exactly how you feel. I wish I could help you with the eye problem but I don't have any answers. I didn't know that iris melanoma existed but, of course, this is the trouble with Google, you find all kinds of conditions you were not aware of. It seems extremely unlikely that you have this condition but I know how real it seems to you. I can see it logically from an independent perspective but I cannot see my own problem logically.
Like you, I am in a constant state of anxiety. I get relief from one thing only to move on to the next. I was at the hospital yesterday for tests on my neck which were all fine but peace was short lived because today I am panicking about my lady parts too!
I am sorry you can't tolerate any of the medication but I have been on so many drugs but am no better so maybe you are not missing anything. I too feel as if I will never get better.
I really hope you get some helpful suggestions from people and that you soon feel a bit better.

[BrokenGirl]

Another day another worry, about my son this time.

He's 19 and he was born with a ptosis on his eye. He had it operated on when he was about 3. It improved it a bit but it never looked good. There is a huge difference between his 2 eyes - his left eyelid is still very droopy. But apparently it would be a LOT worse if he never had the operation.
Anyway, as you can imagine, his confidence and self esteem are very low because of it. Every now and then he mentions how he hates his wonky eye. He's a very quiet, introverted person, doesn't really have many friends apart from one guy who he rarely sees anymore as they don't live near each other. My heart breaks for him because it just makes everything so much more difficult for him.

But I was talking to my daughter (12) last night and she mentioned that he told her that his left eye (the one with the ptosis) goes off to the left when he looks down. So if he's looking straight ahead of him his eyes (as in his eyeball) seem to be looking normally, both eyes looking at the same thing. But if he keeps his head up and looks down with his eyes, his left eye looks off to the left.
Of course I'm thinking the worst again, that's it's a sign something is wrong. I can't mention it to him because he asked his sister not to say it to me. But she said he didn't seem worried about it. They were actually making a few snapchat videos and laughing at it! They sent me a few snapchat videos (and they were quite funny) but he wanted to make sure he didn't send me one with his eye going off to the left.

Does anyone know anything about eyes looking in different directions? I know I have seen pictures of people and one eye might be looking straight at you and the other eye in a different direction. My son only gets it when he looks down, so his eye moves off in the left direction instead of straight down.
What do I do here if I can't even say it to him?

[Fishmanpa]

Which app did you download to help yourself?

Positive thoughts

[lyndau63]

I have a friend whose eye constantly wanders off to the side and has done since we were children.

[BrokenGirl]

Another day another worry, about my son this time.

He's 19 and he was born with a ptosis on his eye. He had it operated on when he was about 3. It improved it a bit but it never looked good. There is a huge difference between his 2 eyes - his left eyelid is still very droopy. But apparently it would be a LOT worse if he never had the operation.
Anyway, as you can imagine, his confidence and self esteem are very low because of it. Every now and then he mentions how he hates his wonky eye. He's a very quiet, introverted person, doesn't really have many friends apart from one guy who he rarely sees anymore as they don't live near each other. My heart breaks for him because it just makes everything so much more difficult for him

Does anyone have any advice on how I can reduce my anxiety over this??


It really breaks my heart that my son's eye is like this. Every now and then I get upset over it, wishing it was me instead of him.
(And this isn't me thinking it's worse than it actually is, based on my recent posting and catastrophizing.)
He does have an eyelid ptosis and it's quite severe.


Has anybody here dealt with something any bit similar? How do you cope / learn to accept these things? And not let it eat away at you.

[SnowyGreen]

My son has a severe autoimmune disease. He was diagnosed 3 years ago. I grieved and was so ****ing mad, it gave me panic attacks, knowing he had to live like this forever, and be on heavy duty immune suppressant infusions for life. As time went on, we got used to it, and now we can even joke about it. Life isn't fair, but you'll get through it.

[BrokenGirl]

My son has a severe autoimmune disease. He was diagnosed 3 years ago. I grieved and was so ****ing mad, it gave me panic attacks, knowing he had to live like this forever, and be on heavy duty immune suppressant infusions for life. As time went on, we got used to it, and now we can even joke about it. Life isn't fair, but you'll get through it.

Thanks so much for your response Snowy.
I can't even imagine how difficult it must have been for you and your son when he got the diagnosis.
All any of us want is the best for our children, no matter what age they are.
I'm so glad that you've both accepted it and have gotten used to it. The fact that you can have a joke about it shows that you definitely have the right attitude. That's exactly what you and your son need, and having an attitude like that is what will get you both through it.
I don't know if I'm as strong as you are though. Your son was diagnosed 3 years ago and in that time you've gotten used to it. My son is 19 now, so I don't think I'll ever be ok with it, or him either. He's at an age now where looks are so important, and I know that his confidence is shattered over this.
Can I do anything about it? No. Can I help him in any way? I wish I could but I don't know how.
I really feel so helpless at times, especially when he mentions it.
Life really isn't fair - it can be so cruel at times!