Increase in anxiety/panic, when I try to relax!

[ankietyjoe]

Yesterday brought it home a bit that I can't rely on the support of others, so I need to be a bit braver and just crack on.

Bingo

That's the crux of the tough love here. It's not a lack of care or understanding, it's just an illustration that your salvation is your behaviour and thought patterns, not and understanding pat on the back and a 'there there'.

[LittleLionMan]

I get that, it's just it did actually make us feel like everyone must handle this better than me, which made me question why I'm struggling with them so badly, when everyone else can obviously shrug them off. But I get what you were/are trying to do.

I'm going for my run now anyway, which will hopefully give me a little lift to do the rest of the day effectively, as I've been on point all morning, but I am paying the price from putting pressure on myself I think.

[ankietyjoe]

I get that, it's just it did actually make us feel like everyone must handle this better than me, which made me question why I'm struggling with them so badly, when everyone else can obviously shrug them off. But I get what you were/are trying to do.

It took me ten years to learn to shrug them off.

I did say once or twice that I'm trying to get you to that place asap, not today.

During that ten year period I became a lot worse than you are now, and was also pretty much abandoned by my GP who said to me (literally word for word) 'either take the meds or learn how to live with it'. He refused to offer a second course of CBT even though it had been 5 years since my last.

I think you make a lot of assumptions about how people got to the place they're in now, and it might be worth trying to imagine the long journey it took for us to get where we are now. It wasn't a few weeks/months of anxiety then easy street. It was unbelievable amounts of shit and misery that we waded through for years in most cases. That's how it's easy for us to pick apart what you're saying now, as we've experienced exactly the same as you, and more. Again, 'I'm struggling with them so badly'.......you're not.

Something else to consider. The stage you're at now means that you could do everything 'right' and anxiety will still come and go. There is no way you can find the perfect daily routine to remove the anxiety from your life. It is not going to happen. Do whatever you want, and then react in the RIGHT way when anxiety hits.

[LittleLionMan]

I'll get it eventually.

I've just been for a 3 1/2 km run, and I think it has a mindfulness effect for me. My mind goes everywhere so that physically I feel fine, but mentally, my mind wanders to all sorts of nonsense.

I try and just watch it pass, but then I feel almost spacey and derealised after. It helps physically I think, but I end up in a mental tangle after, having to stop myself analysing and worrying about what came up during the run... if that makes any sense.

This daily routine is kind of a mix of the 'right' things, combined with plenty of space and time to try and fill with things I want to do, although that list is quite small at the moment, I'm hoping the right things just give me a bit of breathing space to try and enjoy things again. That's my hope anyway.

[ankietyjoe]

It makes sense.

When you can, meditate. It is the magic bullet for that kind of mental issue.....over time......

In the meantime, it's not dangerous, it's just another weird symptom.

I recall at my worst having to recite addresses and birth dates (mine, my kids etc) and putting my hands in water and splashing my face to experience a sensation that allowed me to ground myself in reality. I would often think that I wasn't real, or that I was dreaming, or unconscious. Derealisation is horrible.

[LittleLionMan]

This is why I'm scared to meditate, because I get this same feeling every time afterwards, and I just can bring myself to bring that on. I have gone for runs before in silence, and kept bringing my attention back to the act of running to almost meditate without just sitting still. I just label it as 'unproductive worry' my in my head and try and turn my attention into whatever I was doing or am about to do, and reassure myself that thoughts pass on eventually if I leave them alone.

[ankietyjoe]

That's ideal for now.

What feeling do you get after meditating, and what do you think meditating is?

[LittleLionMan]

The meditation I've done is like the headspace stuff where you keep returning your attention to your breath, and just let thoughts come and go, but this fear almost ties in with needing to keep busy. It's like I'm scared of not having a distraction.

[ankietyjoe]

The meditation I've done is like the headspace stuff where you keep returning your attention to your breath, and just let thoughts come and go, but this fear almost ties in with needing to keep busy. It's like I'm scared of not having a distraction.

Well, all the more reason to meditate. When you can.

The distraction is part of the stress cycle you're living in. Having to keep busy all the time is a considerable stress on the mind and body.

[LittleLionMan]

My psychologist thinks that when I try and relax, I don't just be OK with sitting watching the tele or whatever, she thinks I aim for this perfect, tranquil, 'unachievable for anyone' type zen state, then I get anxious when I can't do it, so it's learning to just do relaxing things and be OK with however I feel, rather than trying to 'force' relaxation.

Either way, positivity...
I slept OK last night, I've done a couple of hours work this morning, I've been for a run, and eaten two rounds of copious amounts of cheese on toast, so in terms of doing... so far so good.