Increase in anxiety/panic, when I try to relax!

[ankietyjoe]

Hi Joe,

I know, and I'm not sitting doing nothing. I'm pushing so hard. I did a party on Saturday with 40+ people there. Running, working, spending time with my nephew, and I am getting far worse.

My psychologist is just pushing the medication now, and my father has phoned the GP because he's worried about me, and he's called this morning pushing the meds too, Escitalopram they are, but I desperately don't want to take them.

I'm trying to apply everything you are saying, I'm trying to just sit with anxiety, I'm trying not to focus on it, but I'm just getting worse. I can't do anything else but keep trying, but it's like my mind is torturing me 24/7. It's horrible.

Ps. I know I sound whiny, I'm just desperate and struggling.

I'm not talking about external whining, I'm talking about internal whining. You feeling sorry for yourself.

My prediction is that meds won't make a difference to you. Your anxiety is 100% self made, and entirely habitual.

There are two things I want to ask you -

1) Are you tracking what you eat? Do you know exactly how many calories you eat in a day?

2) Are you meditating?

[LittleLionMan]

I'm tracking what I eat, and apart from Saturday with that all day party when I was in a mess, I've eaten around 2000 calories every day.

No, I still can't bring myself to meditate, as I'm scared of what's in my head. That's the only thing I'm not doing (I think) from what you've suggested, as I'm too scared. My symptoms are 90% cognitive, to a point where I nearly called an ambulance the other night, yet my heart rate was 75, so my body wasn't responding to the 'panic' at all. It's so confusing.

It feels more like the OCD, derealisation side of anxiety on a constant loop.

[ankietyjoe]

You're "desperately", suffering and in a lot of mental pain. If it were physical pain, would you not take pain meds?

Positive thoughts

Not remotely comparable, and I think you know it.

I'm tracking what I eat, and apart from Saturday with that all day party when I was in a mess, I've eaten around 2000 calories every day.

No, I still can't bring myself to meditate, as I'm scared of what's in my head. That's the only thing I'm not doing (I think) from what you've suggested, as I'm too scared. My symptoms are 90% cognitive, to a point where I nearly called an ambulance the other night, yet my heart rate was 75, so my body wasn't responding to the 'panic' at all. It's so confusing.

Ok so tracking what you eat is a good start, why not congratulate yourself on that?

This idea that you 'can't bring yourself to meditate' is what you have to fight. Your heart rate doesn't have to be racing to feel anxiety, it just might be racing. And what's confusing you? Do you expect to fully understand the processes of anxiety before you can recover? Because that ain't gonna happen. You're talking about trying to get your head around thousands of different bodily interactions that are driven by random and uncontrolled thought. How exactly do you expect to 'get' that. Just accept it.

The precise mental habits that are tormenting you now are exactly what meditating re-trains your brain away from. If you're scared, tough tittie. Get on with it. This mental drama queen show needs to stop now right? There's nothing IN your head, it's just learned reaction. There are no dark demons in there, it's just habit.

[LittleLionMan]

I've actually been trying to see this thinking as merely a habit that I need to break. As that is all I see it, but I can't stop assessing, figuring out and analysing. I'm not trying to be a 'drama queen', I'm constantly trying to play it down in my head, but nothing helps.

I do want to start meditating, it's just every time I do it, it makes me worse. I honestly can't remember the last time my mind felt settled.

This is why I don't want to take meds, as if I could stop this one aspect, I would be in a far better place.

[Fishmanpa]

Not remotely comparable, and I think you know it.

I take over a half a dozen prescription meds for physical issues. I've taken an SSRI for depression as well as benzos during very stressful times in my life.

It IS comparable. My doctor had prescribed an additional med for nueropathy issues and I felt the same. I really didn't want to add another med. Fortunately, I can deal with the pain but he said something very relevant... "Be thankful that we live in a time where we have medical science that can treat illnesses with a pill". Psych meds help millions.

Look... do what you want... I know of a dozen or more members that resisted meds for ages and finally, after things got that desperate, they started them. They're no longer posting.... Just saying...

Positive thoughts

[LittleLionMan]

My anxiety tends to be born out of overthinking, rumination and confusion. That's why I am struggling to see how meds can help me. Until I can train myself to leave the questions alone, the anxiety isn't going anywhere, and that's what I need to learn to do. Label the questions/thoughts as 'unproductive worry', and let them pass. This would pretty much solve most of my problems, it's just easier said than done.

[BlueIris]

On a personal note (obviously I can't speak for everyone), citalopram really helped me with the rumination, simply because it put a fire blanket between my thoughts and my feelings - the intrusive thoughts became so much easier to dismiss.

[ankietyjoe]

I take over a half a dozen prescription meds for physical issues. I've taken an SSRI for depression as well as benzos during very stressful times in my life.

It IS comparable. My doctor had prescribed an additional med for nueropathy issues and I felt the same. I really didn't want to add another med. Fortunately, I can deal with the pain but he said something very relevant... "Be thankful that we live in a time where we have medical science that can treat illnesses with a pill". Psych meds help millions.

Look... do what you want... I know of a dozen or more members that resisted meds for ages and finally, after things got that desperate, they started them. They're no longer posting.... Just saying...

Positive thoughts

Your experience isn't the blanket experience of society though. Painkillers have a predictable and measurable effect in almost everybody. Almost everybody reacts the same way to them. Comparing a psychoactive medication to a painkiller is just not comparable in any way other than you're taking something to affect another thing. The actual interactions are completely different.

Just because you benefited from anti depressants, doesn't mean other people will too. I've actually seen them make people much, much worse multiple times and one of them committed suicide 3 weeks after starting them. Of course that isn't the global experience either, but your blase attitude towards them is unwarranted. It IS a big step for most people and not the same as taking an aspirin because you have an ouchie.

[LittleLionMan]

I've had very bad experiences with them in the past.
The only thing even tempting me to take them is that I seem to of lost the support from my psychologist and my family because I won't take them.

They think that I have a simple solution in the cupboard and at refusing to help myself, but they won't listen when I explain why I'm skeptical.

[BlueIris]

Unfortunately, I think Joe may have a point at the moment - it's sounding as though your anxiety may be some sort of a safe space for you.

I made all the excuses in the past when it came to avoiding dealing with my anxiety - I had reasons why I couldn't do anything.

Eventually, it got to the point where I couldn't handle the way my mental health issues were harming my husband, and I couldn't imagine anything medication could do that could possibly make me feel any more wretched than I already was.

Hopefully it'll all fall into place for you sooner rather than later.