Increase in anxiety/panic, when I try to relax!

[LittleLionMan]

Hopefully.

I'm just mentally numb today, my legs are weak and tired, I can't think clearly and am just out of it, apart from when panic pops up. Everyone has been out all day which is a trigger for me, but I feel overwhelmed to a point where I've just shut down.

[ankietyjoe]

My observations of anxiety over the years and all the solutions I've tried (everything except medication) is that they are all a cog in the machine. There isn't one simple solution to it, including medication. I have also been told outright by two of the therapists that I work with that are helping the misses that you're far more likely to receive a placebo effect from medication than an actual effect.

So is comes back to acceptance, and the reduction of self made hype. And Blue is right again, you're making all the excuses under the sun to not deal with this, and I suspect I know why. I could be wrong, but you don't seem to have any kind of responsibilities forcing you to act. You seem financially secure. You don't seem to be in a relationship or have kids. You don't seem to have a 'real' job (no offense meant, neither do I). But, as Blue pointed out she wanted to fix things because of her husband. For me it was the fact that anxiety was stealing my life with my children. I was watching them grow up without me and that HAD to change.

Now I could be wrong about you and your life, but does it actually matter if you live in your cocoon for another 5 years? You can just carry on existing without worrying about money, kids etc?

[LittleLionMan]

Partly true, apart from I hate missing out on life.

I have a nephew that isn't my responsibility but that I'm really close to, but it kills me that I can't join in with him. He's 4, and I've only ever seen him in 2 places, my parents house, and a shop that I took him to once.
My job is very stressful and I'm very good at it, but again, it a family business so I mould that to accommodate my struggles.
As for building my own family, that has obviously gone on hold, as I can't go out to meet anyone, and the girl I'm kind of seeing to a point, is kind of waiting on me, which I've told her isn't fair.

What annoys me most is that without the anxiety, I'm really good with people, and even now, if forced into that environment, I'm charismatic and chatty. I have a great group of friends, good job, lots of interests, and I'm letting them all (and myself) down by being in this state. This is what pains me most, and should serve as a motivator, but you're right, I don't have any actual worries or responsibilities apart from this garbage in my head. That's actually what makes it even more confusing for me.

[ankietyjoe]

Partly true, apart from I hate missing out on life.

I have a nephew that isn't my responsibility but that I'm really close to, but it kills me that I can't join in with him. He's 4, and I've only ever seen him in 2 places, my parents house, and a shop that I took him to once.

Why don't you make him the focus of your recovery, and practice for parenthood.

Stop the whole self involved fear analysis that you're focusing on right now.

'I can't'. Aren't you bored of saying that now? You can, you're choosing not to because not doing it is easier than doing it and there's no real consequence of not recovering.

As Blue pointed out, recovery is F#CKING hard work.

[LittleLionMan]

It's the oddness of the panic that confuses me.

I've had a horrible day, having meds pushed me by my GP and my psychologist, a row with my mother about the meds, then everyone went out and left me alone for 6 hours to stew and have all the thoughts bouncing around me head. Anxiety bad, but kind of tolerable. They come back, and now I have a 10/10 panic. It just doesn't make sense.

[BlueIris]

You're tying yourself in knots again.

You're anxious. End of. You can either choose to make it your identity (and I think Joe's right, it's at the point where it is a conscious choice) or you can take the risks (spoiler: these are almost entirely imaginary) and work hard on creating a better life for yourself.

[ankietyjoe]

You're anxious. End of. You can either choose to make it your identity (and I think Joe's right, it's at the point where it is a conscious choice) or you can take the risks (spoiler: these are almost entirely imaginary) and work hard on creating a better life for yourself.

This is 100' proof distilled wisdom. Listen to it.

hashtag upvote

[pulisa]

You have to have motivation to get better. If you're comfortable bemoaning your fate on an anxiety forum and getting sympathetic responses then you'll continue to wallow.

You don't want to be like this. You're young and have a lot of opportunities that many young people don't. Maybe you have too much already there for you on a plate and don't understand the concept of working hard to get on in life? I don't know but it sounds to me as if you want people to take notice of you and feel sorry for you.

[LittleLionMan]

This is 100' proof distilled wisdom. Listen to it.

hashtag upvote

This is what I am trying to do. I'm pushing myself in so many different ways that it's untrue. My psychologist thinks I push too hard.

You're both right that I twist myself in knots trying to figure out why I feel like I do in any given moment though, that's the bit I desperately want to stop.

My life doesn't involve a lot responsibility, but it is filled with possibility, and these are what I try and focus on.

[LittleLionMan]

You have to have motivation to get better. If you're comfortable bemoaning your fate on an anxiety forum and getting sympathetic responses then you'll continue to wallow.

You don't want to be like this. You're young and have a lot of opportunities that many young people don't. Maybe you have too much already there for you on a plate and don't understand the concept of working hard to get on in life? I don't know but it sounds to me as if you want people to take notice of you and feel sorry for you.

I don't want people to feel sorry for me at all!

I'm just trying my hardest to try and get my head around everything, and have found some of the discussion to be helpful.