Increase in anxiety/panic, when I try to relax!

[ankietyjoe]

Yes it makes sense, but you started this thread (and made a point multiple times) that it's hardest when you're not busy or distracted with something.

I think the key here is for you to sit with the anxiety when you're not focused on something else.

Obviously tackle it when you're doing something too, but your biggest fear seems to be dealing with it alone, undistracted.

[LittleLionMan]

Yeah, I know what you're saying, but I get plenty of those quiet times anyway when I'm sitting and working, or trying to sleep, so I am constantly challenging that,

My problem is basically a wandering scary mind that is constantly reminding me how screwed I am, and drags up worst case scenarios of panic and puts me in them constantly.

[ankietyjoe]

My problem is basically a wandering scary mind that is constantly reminding me how screwed I am, and drags up worst case scenarios of panic and puts me in them constantly.

That's the same of everybody with bad anxiety. You are not unique in this. You are simply making mental excuses not to do the things you really know you have to do. But fret not, we all do/did that too.

Furthermore, having little quiet breaks when you're working is not the same as deliberately putting yourself in that place.

Nothing you are saying is unique to you. Nothing you are saying is different or special enough for the same techniques not to work for you. It's easy to believe that we are the only ones to have ever had it this bad, but that's just not the case. What you are saying is pretty textbook for a lot of people who suffer with anxiety. You should take comfort in this, because it also means that textbook solutions will work for you too. You just have to get to the point where you make the decision to stop trying to avoid and run from uncomfortable sensations.

[LittleLionMan]

I've just agreed with my Psychologist that I'm going to do a mindfulness practice tomorrow, before my session with her, so we can discuss how it went, and try and give me the confidence to do it more often on my own. I've done it with her.
I'm also going to attempt a drive to the shop on my own if I'm feeling up to it before the session, so I can try and prove to myself that I can do it on my own, to give myself the confidence to push them boundaries on my own.

She tries to tell me that it's pretty textbook anxiety, and I know what you mean, that everyone thinks theirs is unique.

[ankietyjoe]

I'm going to go on a massive road of generalisation here, but here goes -


There are two types of people with anxiety. Those who constantly fight it, looking for 'the solution'. Always looking for an external solution for an internal problem. They make it a life long quest to not accept that sometimes sh1t does in fact, just happen. Their search is endless.

The other type of person gives in to the current situation. It's here, accept it. Don't fight, don't run, don't try to evade. They are paradoxically the ones who recover faster.

You don't have to 'prove' to yourself you can do it on your own, of course you can do it on your own. What you need to prove to yourself is that you can do it on your own whilst feeling like hell, and then not feeling sorry for yourself/getting angry/judging yourself/wondering what if....at the same time. It is what it is, nothing more.

I'm just trying to get you to that point as fast as possible, because it took me nearly 10 years to learn the reality of recovery. That 10 years was a constant battle with trying to avoid anything that made me anxious and fearing the anxiety when it did happen. It's such a waste of time.

[LittleLionMan]

I'm definitely the first one in that example!
Without sounding big headed, I'm a really intelligent, degree qualified engineer, my head is basically built to logically find solutions to problems, it's why I'm good at what I do, but that really seems to work against me here!

I'm doing some tolerating now actually, my mind is kind of a blank, as if time has stood still, distracted mess, and I can't concentrate on anything. I'm really in a mess, and I'm on the verge of a panic attack, but I'm just trying to let it be there.

[ankietyjoe]

I have an IQ of 171 (measured and tested). Trust me, intelligence has got nothing to do with recovery, and in some respects it makes it worse. You think you know better, you think you can find the solution that 'all the other idiots' couldn't.

You have to go completely against the analytic smart arse in your head and trust in acceptance and a bit of 'faith'.

[LittleLionMan]

Bloody hell, thats higher than mine! Haha!

That's what I mean though, I don't think intelligence helps people in this regard, especially a logical, calculating kind of mind. I would love to not be a 'thinker' and be able to just ride with the punches a lot easier.

I know, it's being able to 'feel' without being scared of it all. The anxiety has eased a bit now, I just feel a bit numb now. Should be a big day tomorrow with attempting mindfulness on my own, trying to drive to the shop on my own, all followed by a therapy session.

[pulisa]

You're obsessed with anxiety and this is the problem in my opinion. You think about "it" day and night..

I'd suggest thinking "what the hell" and just go with the flow..Giving importance and significance to anxiety is a guaranteed recipe for continuing the adrenaline cycle.. Intellectual ability makes the analysing worse..I'm not an analyst and I'm thankful for that because it certainly works against you. Not caring about sensations/symptoms is your goal really..Let them do their worst and don't challenge them with adrenaline-you won't "win".

[ankietyjoe]

Bloody hell, thats higher than mine! Haha!

That's what I mean though, I don't think intelligence helps people in this regard, especially a logical, calculating kind of mind. I would love to not be a 'thinker' and be able to just ride with the punches a lot easier.

I know, it's being able to 'feel' without being scared of it all. The anxiety has eased a bit now, I just feel a bit numb now. Should be a big day tomorrow with attempting mindfulness on my own, trying to drive to the shop on my own, all followed by a therapy session.

A couple of points here.

1) "I would love to not be a thinker".....this is a habit as much as anything else. Meditation helps massively here. Pulisa is on to something though, you're possibly mistaking obsessing with thinking. Meditation negates obsessive thoughts by training you to let thoughts come and go when unwanted.

2) Tomorrow isn't a big day. It's just a day. You're already placing tomorrow in an elevated state. Again, Pulisa is 100% correct here. When you place importance or significance on an event you create the mental atmosphere of expectancy, you start adrenaline flowing. This makes you feel more anxious, and more adrenaline flows. This is the cycle that's causing you problems now. There is zero value in analysing anxiety.