Increase in anxiety/panic, when I try to relax!

[ankietyjoe]

I'm very confused, and this is what worries me about what form of anxiety, or cognitive problem this is, because it seems to be alien to people the way I describe it, as if it's just an odd thought every 4 hours, and it isn't.

You've described it to death to people who have been through it for WAY longer than you have experienced it so far, and once again you are making a passive implication that you're the only one that's ever been through this, which is insulting to the time we're spending with you here.

And attending ONE party for seven hours isn't facing it. It's doing that every single day for the next several months and telling yourself over and over again that you will get better and the anxiety will pass. Doing the thing isn't the hard bit, it's doing the thing AND inwardly laughing at it that you're missing. You're doing the thing and internally going 'oh my god oh my god oh my god.....'.

Nobody is expecting you to feel fine by tomorrow, but you are repeating the same tired tropes of 'yeah but' and 'I'm scared' and 'this worries me' over and over again. I'm not sure you understand just how damaging that negative self talk is.

'I can't, it's too hard, it's too scary, the thing is, yeah but...' - Is this who you really are?

[LittleLionMan]

I'm not meaning to be insulting, I'm just trying to be honest. I never see this kind of mental chatter, this severe and chronic, discussed anywhere, that's all I mean.

The severity of this is new to me, and the fact is that I am still finding it terrifying. There is no point in me pretending that my day has been mildly irritating or that my cognitive symptoms have been a bit annoying, when they have stopped me in my tracks for hours and caused me to have panic attacks. There isn't other ways to describe it unless I'm supposed to lie.

You know I appreciate your input, and I really am trying to do everything that I think I'm supposed to be doing.

[ankietyjoe]

There is no point in me pretending that my day has been mildly irritating or that my cognitive symptoms have been a bit annoying

Yes there IS a point dude, this is the bit you're not getting.

Your reaction to your symptom IS your reality. I cannot stress this enough. Your reaction to a trigger is literally the be all and end all of how you recover. If something stops you in your tracks, it's because you have decided to stop in your tracks. There is no literal barrier stopping you. You need to get this. Pretending you are fine to yourself is a great way to recover over time. Re-programming your subconscious to not have a drama meltdown over something completely benign IS how you beat this.

When I used to get really bad symptoms (I knew I was going mad, I knew I was about to die etc etc blah blah yawn yawn) I used to say 'oh fvck off' out loud and leave the room. I would physically and mentally remove myself from the situation. I did that for months and months and months.

Again, you ain't gonna recover this week, but the reason we're giving you a bit of a hard time about what you're saying is because you keep repeating exactly the same self defeating language over and over again, and you're not getting how much of a problem that is, for you.

[Fishmanpa]

Yes there IS a point dude, this is the bit you're not getting.

Your reaction to your symptom IS your reality. I cannot stress this enough. Your reaction to a trigger is literally the be all and end all of how you recover. If something stops you in your tracks, it's because you have decided to stop in your tracks. There is no literal barrier stopping you. You need to get this. Pretending you are fine to yourself is a great way to recover over time. Re-programming your subconscious to not have a drama meltdown over something completely benign IS how you beat this.

When I used to get really bad symptoms (I knew I was going mad, I knew I was about to die etc etc blah blah yawn yawn) I used to say 'oh fvck off' out loud and leave the room. I would physically and mentally remove myself from the situation. I did that for months and months and months.

Again, you ain't gonna recover this week, but the reason we're giving you a bit of a hard time about what you're saying is because you keep repeating exactly the same self defeating language over and over again, and you're not getting how much of a problem that is, for you.

I agree AJoe. Its apparent to many here PHR, that you're deep in the rabbit hole. The replies and patterns are quite evident. Sadly, when someone is that deep in the rabbit hole, they can't see the way out. One needs to be able to make a mental disconnect in order to hear rationality over the irrational drone of the dragon's roar. I know your feelings on meds AJoe but don't you think its worth a shot? As BI said, having a "fire blanket" between the dry wood of rationality and the flames and burning embers of anxiety, can be the difference between continuing to suffer as opposed to finding the way out of the rabbit hole.

PHR... Speak to your doctor. Review the dosage and your concerns. Perhaps you can ramp up slowly to allow your body to adjust. Lexapro is one of those class of meds that's helps with anxiety and depression and has the added benefit of reducing neuropathic pain. I have neuropathic pain from my cancer treatment in my neck and feet. I took Gabapentin for over 6 years for neuropathy but it really wasn't effective anymore. My doctor and I talked about Lexapro. Ultimately, I decided against it and weaned off of Gabapentin. The pain has not increased so I just deal with it and its one less pill I'm taking.

You have to do something... Posting and words on a screen are not going to get you out of the rabbit hole. YOU have to act.

Good luck and as always....

Positive thoughts

[ankietyjoe]

I know your feelings on meds AJoe but don't you think its worth a shot?

In a word, no. Not in this case.

The OP here is absolutely 100% a case of being his own worst enemy. Not all people are like that, but he is. I think we can both agree that it's clearly obvious to US what's going on here, he just hasn't seen it yet.

I don't think he can take a potential several months of messing about with meds and dosages. I think in his case it will make things worse, and he will mentally rely on the meds working in the meantime.

I don't think I've seen such a severe case of 'pull yourself together man' since 'Noworryjonny' and his McDonalds fuelled IBS fears back in the day, but he needed the mental approach too.

I wouldn't jump on every thread screaming NO MEDS FOR YOU because I don't believe it's the case for every person, but PHR here is developing a pretty engrained negative habit pattern that meds just won't even touch. In my opinion.

[Fishmanpa]

In a word, no. Not in this case.

The OP here is absolutely 100% a case of being his own worst enemy. Not all people are like that, but he is. I think we can both agree that it's clearly obvious to US what's going on here, he just hasn't seen it yet.

I don't think he can take a potential several months of messing about with meds and dosages. I think in his case it will make things worse, and he will mentally rely on the meds working in the meantime.

I don't think I've seen such a severe case of 'pull yourself together man' since 'Noworryjonny' and his McDonalds fuelled IBS fears back in the day, but he needed the mental approach too.

I wouldn't jump on every thread screaming NO MEDS FOR YOU because I don't believe it's the case for every person, but PHR here is developing a pretty engrained negative habit pattern that meds just won't even touch. In my opinion.

You've been there to this level. I haven't. I've had my battles but nothing like you or most others here experience(d). Respect, but we'll have to agree to disagree concerning meds in this case. The dragon is breathing fire full force here and there is a need, IMO, for a fire extinguisher to help PHR put out some of the flames. Ultimately, the answer lies with PHR. Hopefully we'll find out what the solution to moving forward is...

Positive thoughts

[BlueIris]

Joe, I know I'm a big advocate for meds, but you're opening my mind a little here. I think the key thing in my case is that I was absolutely desperate to recover, I'd already put in the hard yards and had a bunch of coping strategies that sometimes got overwhelmed by the sheer force of the anxiety. For whatever reason - could be a placebo, no clue - the cit buys me the breathing space to use all the stuff I've learned.

You're right, though, in this case I'm not sure PHR would be ready to carry on working through side effects and doing all the day to day s**t you need to wrangle an anxiety disorder.

Oh, and PHR? You have no clue about the lives others here have lived. You may think you're the only one to have more than the odd anxious thought, but that's nonsense. My anxiety was bad enough that it lost me friends because it overrode all the normal ways that humans interact with one another. Frankly, I was embarrassed by myself.

The reason people are advocating fake it til you make it is because it WORKS.

[LittleLionMan]

Yes there IS a point dude, this is the bit you're not getting.

Your reaction to your symptom IS your reality. I cannot stress this enough. Your reaction to a trigger is literally the be all and end all of how you recover. If something stops you in your tracks, it's because you have decided to stop in your tracks. There is no literal barrier stopping you. You need to get this. Pretending you are fine to yourself is a great way to recover over time. Re-programming your subconscious to not have a drama meltdown over something completely benign IS how you beat this.

When I used to get really bad symptoms (I knew I was going mad, I knew I was about to die etc etc blah blah yawn yawn) I used to say 'oh fvck off' out loud and leave the room. I would physically and mentally remove myself from the situation. I did that for months and months and months.

Again, you ain't gonna recover this week, but the reason we're giving you a bit of a hard time about what you're saying is because you keep repeating exactly the same self defeating language over and over again, and you're not getting how much of a problem that is, for you.

I will really start trying to be a bit ballsier (is that a word?), crack on, and try and be more dismissive towards everything.

[ankietyjoe]

Don't try, just do it. Try gives you the space to stop. Just do it and keep doing it. Doesn't matter if you feel like shit in the meantime, because you're going to feel like shit anyway. And I can guarantee you if you keep doing what you're doing it will get a lot worse, and exponentially harder to recover.

[ankietyjoe]

You've been there to this level. I haven't. I've had my battles but nothing like you or most others here experience(d). Respect, but we'll have to agree to disagree concerning meds in this case. The dragon is breathing fire full force here and there is a need, IMO, for a fire extinguisher to help PHR put out some of the flames. Ultimately, the answer lies with PHR. Hopefully we'll find out what the solution to moving forward is...

You know I never mean disrespect when I disagree with you. But I'm glad what you said what you said here as I've long thought that you've never really tasted what truly horrendous anxiety feels like. In the same vein, I cannot imagine what it's like to have to deal with the health issues you've had and I applaud your resolve dealing with it the way you did.

Your advice while good, tends to be based on only your experience with anxiety and it just doesn't apply to everybody here.

The dragon analogy for example, can be counter productive to some as it precludes the sufferer from dealing with their own fate. It implies that there is an external monster to battle, which is almost never the case. Meds cannot solve the issue of somebody that's creating their own problems in the way the OP is here. They won't even touch it unless placebo is in full effect.