Increase in anxiety/panic, when I try to relax!

[ankietyjoe]

My psychologist thinks that when I try and relax, I don't just be OK with sitting watching the tele or whatever, she thinks I aim for this perfect, tranquil, 'unachievable for anyone' type zen state, then I get anxious when I can't do it, so it's learning to just do relaxing things and be OK with however I feel, rather than trying to 'force' relaxation.

She's probably onto something.

For the record, meditation has got nothing to do with being 'Zen'. Being relaxed isn't a goal. In fact, I would argue that being relaxed is the art of feeling relaxed without having to try. That is not a goal for you right now.

Either way, positivity...
I slept OK last night, I've done a couple of hours work this morning, I've been for a run, and eaten two rounds of copious amounts of cheese on toast, so in terms of doing... so far so good.

That's better than I EVER did at my worst.

You're doing alright

[LittleLionMan]

Yeah, got to be happy with what I've done this morning!

I'm having the start of a panic attack now mind, but I'll carry on trying to work whilst it passes and then push on again. No pain no gain. It's always after I've eaten though.

[ankietyjoe]

You do eat a lot of high carb/fat meals by the sound of it. Those can trigger anxiety because your digestion kicks into gear really fast.

Try having something like egg and bacon tomorrow (no bread) and see if it makes a difference.

[LittleLionMan]

Yep, will do. I also think because I haven't been eating a lot, it probably has a bigger impact.
After I finished the first slice of toast this morning, I was so full that I had to basically force the second slice down me. It just makes a big deal out of eating, when it shouldn't be a big deal.

Panic attack subsided, and I'm just back to being anxious now. Just been playing with my nephew for an hour though, so that's another thing I planned to do, done.

[ankietyjoe]

Carrying on doing things is good. Just remember that alongside that it's about learning to shrug off the feelings of anxiety. If you lose the fear, the anxiety goes naturally over time.

[LittleLionMan]

I tried to do a morning mindfulness thing this morning! It did not go well!! Haha!

[ankietyjoe]

Do pray tell.

[LittleLionMan]

I just started focussing on my breath with the intention of watching thoughts come and go, and my whole body kind of 'resisted' and anxiety went sky high.

I think I'm just having a bad morning, all doom and gloom in my head, and I'm just about to jump on the treadmill, and try and eat, see if that lifts me a bit. All my muscles are just tense, and I almost feel frozen, so the run might loosen me up. I think I struggle in the mornings because I dread what the day has in store for me.

[ankietyjoe]

The trick here is to observe the anxiety as it happens and practice not reacting. It really doesn't matter if meditation triggers anxiety, because to be honest everything does at the moment right? Meditation is the PRACTICE of observance. It doesn't matter if you 'succeed'.

So for example you meditate and anxiety starts. The thought process could be 'ok I see that anxiety is here, but that doesn't matter right now' and then slowly re-focus on breathing. It's about detaching a stimulus from your automatic response.

[LittleLionMan]

I get that, and the fear is actually about making myself worse for the rest of the day, and it making me worse in the long run, it's all me evaluating how everything I do will affect me, or how bad it will make me later. That's what all my thought processes seem to be about, figuring out how I can make it through the day, and predicting just how bad today will be. It's no wonder days feel daunting and I feel depressed and hopeless when you see it that way.

I've just ran 3.3km, so that's another thing off todays list, so now it's food and then sitting quietly doing my work, so I'll see how that goes.